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my purse!!!

Old 01-20-2013, 12:37 AM
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my purse!!!

is sitting on the table, unguarded, not locked up in the car. my keys aren't hidden, my money is in my wallet instead of being hidden in books, or the Tampax box. It is nice isn't it? to have that worry taken away. My jewelry box comes home from my friends house tomorrow. No more worries about my earrings getting hocked. and ABF is clean, and chose to do so. today was hard. Its the end of the 3rd day going No Contact. it's hard, but Im glad that the rehab enforces it. Im glad. our lives were so enmeshed. Im just trying to count my blessings and stop the stinkin thinkin. I find myself future trippin. "will he write? will he really stay clean this time? shouldn't I be glad that he reached out for help? does he love me? or use me? He wants me to write and visit.... undecided there. I can't wait to get my butt back to Nar anon this week. sorry for the vent thanks for listening
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Old 01-20-2013, 03:32 AM
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Lily, we are the only people I know who can be grateful not to have to sleep with our purses under our pillows.

I think that's why recovery feels so good. Like a migraine headache that has disappeared, we appreciate "normal" more than most people.

Thank you for the reminder today.

Hugs
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Old 01-20-2013, 04:42 AM
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Lily,
I recognize that feeling! ........and to think afterwards about how ridiculous it is to have to live like that. Most people I know IRL can't imagine.

No contact = no new hurts

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Old 01-20-2013, 05:19 AM
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Yes, it is wonderful way to live...just like the "normies" do. Been over 4 years for me, I would never go back to that nightmare!
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Old 01-20-2013, 08:17 AM
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it's taken me almost 2 years to finally begin to acclimate to NOT living in a guarded way. I am now realizing how much time I spent adapting to that crazy world.

How long is your ABF supposed to be in rehab? I understand all of the worries and the concerns that you have....it's hard not to know what is up and what is down. One thing I know is that if you are working your own program that you have the support, tools, and ability to handle it all.

Through what I've gone through I've learned a whole lot about letting go and letting God. Still find that I get dragged from time to time though! Take care....
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Old 01-20-2013, 08:44 AM
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I used to hide my wallet in my car... and then I would hide my car keys under my pillows and sleep on top of it. It feels great to be able to act like a normal human being right?
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Old 01-20-2013, 08:48 AM
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Originally Posted by lightseeker View Post
it's taken me almost 2 years to finally begin to acclimate to NOT living in a guarded way. I am now realizing how much time I spent adapting to that crazy world.

How long is your ABF supposed to be in rehab? I understand all of the worries and the concerns that you have....it's hard not to know what is up and what is down. One thing I know is that if you are working your own program that you have the support, tools, and ability to handle it all.

Through what I've gone through I've learned a whole lot about letting go and letting God. Still find that I get dragged from time to time though! Take care....
He entered the Salvation Army program for 6 months. I hope I can better learn to let go.
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Old 01-20-2013, 11:25 AM
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Lily, I left my jewelry at work, purse in my clothes hamper, trunk of car, under the pillow of the sofa if I was watching TV........................

I still have dreams of going around locking windows - and the lock is broken! It is a horrible way to live and I am so glad that part is in the past.

I can not believe I am going through this twice, once with EXAH and now with AS. BUT, I have finally learned to detach much more.

Let Go and Let God is not always easy but it helps so much. They have their path to follow and we have ours - hard to accept that we can not 'fix' them!
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Old 01-20-2013, 12:02 PM
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Originally Posted by helpme33 View Post
Lily, I left my jewelry at work, purse in my clothes hamper, trunk of car, under the pillow of the sofa if I was watching TV........................

I still have dreams of going around locking windows - and the lock is broken! It is a horrible way to live and I am so glad that part is in the past.

I can not believe I am going through this twice, once with EXAH and now with AS. BUT, I have finally learned to detach much more.

Let Go and Let God is not always easy but it helps so much. They have their path to follow and we have ours - hard to accept that we can not 'fix' them!
Im sorry that this time it is your son. Its different when its your child. My son is autistic, so the serenity prayer has been in the family long before his fathers addiction. I do understand about letting go when asking for healing for a child, just in a different way. hugs!!!!!:ghug3
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Old 01-20-2013, 12:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Lily1918 View Post
I find myself future trippin. "will he write? will he really stay clean this time? shouldn't I be glad that he reached out for help? does he love me? or use me? He wants me to write and visit.... undecided there. I can't wait to get my butt back to Nar anon this week. sorry for the vent thanks for listening
There was a time I was unable to think or communicate about anything other than my addicted daughter. I lost myself and my self worth dependend on what she did or not. How the hell-o had I managed to become sicker than she was? How did my wellbeing become so attached to what I could not control? I gave up trying to figure it out and decided to stop- just stop giving up on the only thing I controlled- my own reaction.
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Old 01-20-2013, 12:58 PM
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Originally Posted by outtolunch View Post
There was a time I was unable to think or communicate about anything other than my addicted daughter. I lost myself and my self worth dependend on what she did or not. How the hell-o had I managed to become sicker than she was? How did my wellbeing become so attached to what I could not control? I gave up trying to figure it out and decided to stop- just stop giving up on the only thing I controlled- my own reaction.
how did you do this? by dismissing the thoughts and thinking on something else?
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Old 01-20-2013, 01:29 PM
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How the hell-o had I managed to become sicker than she was?
lol......this line made me chuckle. Just the way you wrote it is perfect! How DID that happen to me? It comes on so gradually......

Oh good gravy.....that icky feeling of hiding valuables or worrying about stuff that normally we don't even have to think about. This disease is pretty sick and quite pervasive.

How much easier it should be to say " sorry I don't trust you, you can't be here" than it is to hide our stuff and sleep with our purses--which make lousy pillows.

Ugh...

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 01-20-2013, 02:32 PM
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haha! they do make lousy pillows. thanks for making me smile
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Old 01-20-2013, 06:03 PM
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Wow this is so sad, but I can relate... I have lost so many things from hiding things. Since I still live with my AH, my current hiding place for my debit card and cash: In a ziploc baggie hidden in a package of shredded cheese in the fridge. Creative, right? My keys are always in my bra.
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Old 01-20-2013, 07:20 PM
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Chole, he doesnt go through the fridge for food? Maybe in between some books is safer? LOL

the drug addict made me so paranoid.
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Old 01-20-2013, 07:32 PM
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Originally Posted by oooopps View Post
Chole, he doesnt go through the fridge for food? Maybe in between some books is safer? LOL

the drug addict made me so paranoid.
He would never ever eat cheese or go in the cheese drawer!! I've learned the hard way about books. Hiding things in food he doesn't like always works. My checks though, are locked in his parents safe. I have 2 checks hidden around the house for emergencies just in case I need one..
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