Fomenting compassion
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
MiSoberio - your hard work on yourself is admirable. Many of your posts are insightful and thought provoking. There are some posters that have lengthy posts that I will read more then once because of the content. You are one of those posters.
That said, IMO, people need to express their own individual feelings with acceptance of others. While we are all in different places in our recovery, the codie in me does not want people to shy away from expressing their feelings whether it be a place of compassion, anger or acceptance for fear of being shamed about their own emotions. Most of us have experienced a myriad of emotions and understand their feelings at that moment in time.
Personally, I am not concerned if "some" think I am compassionate, cold, understanding, enabling, angry, resentful, hopeful, or accepting about my addicted loved ones. My recovery is a work in progress and its mine to work - with stumbles and progress. Thankfully, my own need for validation has greatly decreased. However, there are many times that I still value the opinions and/or advice of those who have walked before me. The ones who really have worked on themselves and understand the process. IMO, these posters do not judge. They do not attempt to control other people's journey, but simply nudge them back on path to healthy and more peaceful path by sharing their ESH.
Perhaps, I am just in a place in my recovery that I am far less concerned about my feelings or opinions about an addict or addiction because I know I am powerless. My reason for SR is to help ME, what is best for my recovery and the need to process through each and every emotion. I welcome the ESH of others that have already processed through the many emotions and steps in recovery. I welcome the ESH of others who are just beginning their journey, to maybe inspire them and as well as a measurement of my own progress. I hope others find the importance in this as well.
That said, IMO, people need to express their own individual feelings with acceptance of others. While we are all in different places in our recovery, the codie in me does not want people to shy away from expressing their feelings whether it be a place of compassion, anger or acceptance for fear of being shamed about their own emotions. Most of us have experienced a myriad of emotions and understand their feelings at that moment in time.
Personally, I am not concerned if "some" think I am compassionate, cold, understanding, enabling, angry, resentful, hopeful, or accepting about my addicted loved ones. My recovery is a work in progress and its mine to work - with stumbles and progress. Thankfully, my own need for validation has greatly decreased. However, there are many times that I still value the opinions and/or advice of those who have walked before me. The ones who really have worked on themselves and understand the process. IMO, these posters do not judge. They do not attempt to control other people's journey, but simply nudge them back on path to healthy and more peaceful path by sharing their ESH.
Perhaps, I am just in a place in my recovery that I am far less concerned about my feelings or opinions about an addict or addiction because I know I am powerless. My reason for SR is to help ME, what is best for my recovery and the need to process through each and every emotion. I welcome the ESH of others that have already processed through the many emotions and steps in recovery. I welcome the ESH of others who are just beginning their journey, to maybe inspire them and as well as a measurement of my own progress. I hope others find the importance in this as well.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
I do not remember what I said to a guy my son was with one time but I do remember the guys response "You don't have to talk down to me I am a person" He was right I do remember at the time I was in denial about what my oldest son was doing and blaming everyone else.
I have considered making amends to this guy as I see him walking from time to time however I don't know if it would be safe for me.
I think compassion comes too each of us at different parts of our recovery.
I now have some compassion however I also have some recovery when you know better you do better...
I have considered making amends to this guy as I see him walking from time to time however I don't know if it would be safe for me.
I think compassion comes too each of us at different parts of our recovery.
I now have some compassion however I also have some recovery when you know better you do better...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 52
Interesting replies.
Sadly I am far from compassionate of my husband. When I am mad, raging and freaking out over loss of control, I say and do anything to get him to stop, react, or just get a rise. I'm just learning that I am a codependent. I really hope one day I can look at my husband as a person again and have compassion for him and not disgust and hatred. I understand and accept that my anger is a cover up of the hurt and pain I am feeling inside. I am so thankful for this place where I can ground myself and be myself and let things out.
Sadly I am far from compassionate of my husband. When I am mad, raging and freaking out over loss of control, I say and do anything to get him to stop, react, or just get a rise. I'm just learning that I am a codependent. I really hope one day I can look at my husband as a person again and have compassion for him and not disgust and hatred. I understand and accept that my anger is a cover up of the hurt and pain I am feeling inside. I am so thankful for this place where I can ground myself and be myself and let things out.
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