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Old 01-14-2013, 05:34 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Costa Mesa, ca
Posts: 46
Question...

Has anyone had any success in helping a loved one avoid possible relapse and return to working their program? I know this question is probably very common and almost humorous to most of those veterans out there (I am planning to buy some literature on codependency tonight). If so, how did you go about it? What approach should I take? and what should my attitude be towards the subject. As some of you may have read in my first post, my boyfriend is a drug addict, alcoholic, graduating from drug court in 2 weeks. He has recently adopted the idea that he is NOT and alcoholic and can drink socially (though he hasn't and can't yet.) Our roommate just graduated from drug court today and what should have been a celebration seemed more like a funeral to me...as he already has big drinking plans with his girlfriend tonight. If from your experience there is nothing I can do what is at least the best stance to take when/ if the subject is bought up again. I broke down crying at dinner last diner....and have just been arguing with him and moping around the house depressed ever since, which I'm sure is only adding to the problem. I also can't help but to blame and be angry at our roommate for being such a bad example and giving into his own relapse so quickly, which I also no I shouldn't. (If anyone has advice on changing my perspective towards him as we'll that'd be great too. Thank you all in advance. I don't know why but just reading these forums while feeling down is a huge lift off my shoulders and I am so happy I found this site.
Avalon393 is offline  
Old 01-14-2013, 05:58 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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you didnt cause it, you cant CHANGE it, and you cant CURE it.

thats what you need to embrace. my exAbf was the reason i found this site. he was a full on drug addict, into pretty much most stuff for 15 years. but he's highly functioning and managed to get a distinction in chemistry at university during this time. when i met him he told me a little of his back ground, and said he still did acid from time to time. but i dont think he ever saw himself as an addict. he did drink for a year when he saw how destructive his drinking had become, so i met him he hadnt drunk i a year. i drink socially, and not knowing that he had a drinking problem, he starting drinking socially with me (he too thought he could drink socially). well to an addicted there is no such thing as socially. he would have 8 beers in a 2 hour stint, as well as half a bottle of wine. when i started to realise that even while we are getting ready to go to bed, he had to crack open another just to come to bed, i knew there was an issue. we broke up, and he said he wouldnt drink anymore. so we got back together. he went out for one night with a mate and they got drunk. i had dinner with his mate and him, and he opened up a bottle of wine for the two of us. when his mate had left i asked him about the drinking. he said he didnt want to be too hard on himself, and he would see where it went. i told him he already knew where it went. next morning, he went to work, i wrote a goodbye note and left.

your bf will tell himself anything to think that all is ok in his world and he is in control. but deep down he knows the only thing in control is the addiction. the question is...what lies are you telling yourself? how you making this ok for you? and how long do you want to stay on this roller coaster ride. if a friend was telling you this story, what advise would you give her?

i know its very easy to be on the outside saying these things, for when i was in your shoes, i didnt want to believe all the words of advise i got from this site. i was different. he was different. they dont understand. but at the end of the day, me or he are not that special to be the exception to the rule. what type of relationship do you want, and what are you getting out of being in a relationship with an addict.

if you chose to stay and try and "fix" your bf then you will need all the support you can get from this site. for if you could fix addiction with love, then there would be no addicts left in this world. if you chose that you are worth more than this crazy ride of life, then learn that maybe it might be time to have a think about yourself and why you were attracted to this guy in the first place. but no matter what you chose to do, look after yourself first.

keep reading. there is a lot of info to be absorbed on this site. i hope you make the right choice for yourself.
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