Is it just me or...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 52
Is it just me or...
I feel so stupid posting here but I am desperate for the support as accountability I need.
I feel like you all know exactly what I am going through, which is great, but then I feel like I am annoying with the typical "married to an addict" stories...
I have so much I need to say and vent and talk about. I have known about my husbands addiction since January 2010 .. I finally told his parents in August 2010 .. He was sober from then until March 2012 which leads us to now.. I finally told my family in October 2012. I still don't tell them all the details of what's going on and what has happened because I don't want them to judge me. And they will. They are very opinionated about everything..
Anyway.. I like the idea of nar-an but my only obstacle is my infant who I nurse. She refuses a bottle or anything else other than me so we are attached. Plus with my other daughter it's hard to get out.
I feel like you all know exactly what I am going through, which is great, but then I feel like I am annoying with the typical "married to an addict" stories...
I have so much I need to say and vent and talk about. I have known about my husbands addiction since January 2010 .. I finally told his parents in August 2010 .. He was sober from then until March 2012 which leads us to now.. I finally told my family in October 2012. I still don't tell them all the details of what's going on and what has happened because I don't want them to judge me. And they will. They are very opinionated about everything..
Anyway.. I like the idea of nar-an but my only obstacle is my infant who I nurse. She refuses a bottle or anything else other than me so we are attached. Plus with my other daughter it's hard to get out.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
First of all, don't feel like you are annoying anyone with "I'm married to an addict" stories. It helps you to get them out and no one here is forced to read them or respond. Do what you need to do for you. That's a very typical response.....you are more concerned about others than you are about yourself.
Rule #1 around here is "take care of you". And the manner in which you take care of you will change over time.....or at least it has for me.
As far as meetings go, there are some meetings that have child care available. Another thought is to bring your infant and nurse her during the meeting if you're comfortable with that. If nothing else, try to get your hands on the "SESH" book from Nar-Anon. It is such a wonderful resource. Another great book is "How Al-Anon Works".....it describes EXACTLY what it is like to love someone who is addicted/alcoholic and gives some great insight into self care and changes that will help you.
You can order literature directly from the Nar-Anon or Al-Anon websites if you're interested. Another thought is....if you can get to a meeting or two.....get phone numbers and USE them! Perhaps find a sponsor. A sponsor can often help you work the steps at a time that is convenient for you and they will work one-on-one with you. If you want it bad enough, there's a way to make it work for you.
gentle hugs
ke
Rule #1 around here is "take care of you". And the manner in which you take care of you will change over time.....or at least it has for me.
As far as meetings go, there are some meetings that have child care available. Another thought is to bring your infant and nurse her during the meeting if you're comfortable with that. If nothing else, try to get your hands on the "SESH" book from Nar-Anon. It is such a wonderful resource. Another great book is "How Al-Anon Works".....it describes EXACTLY what it is like to love someone who is addicted/alcoholic and gives some great insight into self care and changes that will help you.
You can order literature directly from the Nar-Anon or Al-Anon websites if you're interested. Another thought is....if you can get to a meeting or two.....get phone numbers and USE them! Perhaps find a sponsor. A sponsor can often help you work the steps at a time that is convenient for you and they will work one-on-one with you. If you want it bad enough, there's a way to make it work for you.
gentle hugs
ke
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Chloe1981 
I feel so stupid posting here but I am desperate for the support as accountability I need.
I feel like you all know exactly what I am going through, which is great, but then I feel like I am annoying with the typical "married to an addict" stories...
I have so much I need to say and vent and talk about. I have known about my husbands addiction since January 2010 .. I finally told his parents in August 2010 .. He was sober from then until March 2012 which leads us to now.. I finally told my family in October 2012. I still don't tell them all the details of what's going on and what has happened because I don't want them to judge me. And they will. They are very opinionated about everything..
Anyway.. I like the idea of nar-an but my only obstacle is my infant who I nurse. She refuses a bottle or anything else other than me so we are attached. Plus with my other daughter it's hard to get out.
I feel like you all know exactly what I am going through, which is great, but then I feel like I am annoying with the typical "married to an addict" stories...
I have so much I need to say and vent and talk about. I have known about my husbands addiction since January 2010 .. I finally told his parents in August 2010 .. He was sober from then until March 2012 which leads us to now.. I finally told my family in October 2012. I still don't tell them all the details of what's going on and what has happened because I don't want them to judge me. And they will. They are very opinionated about everything..
Anyway.. I like the idea of nar-an but my only obstacle is my infant who I nurse. She refuses a bottle or anything else other than me so we are attached. Plus with my other daughter it's hard to get out.
And when we provide feedback, there's a saying in Al Anon that's worth remembering: take what you like and leave the rest.
ZoSo
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 120
Chloe!
So glad you posted! Feeling awkward may be a better description in my opinion! Never stupid!!! It feels so strange and uncomfortable and scary and we feel uncertain and don't want to imbaress ourself and appear to others as though we are "not perfect" and need some help! We feel hopeless, lonely, frustrated desperate, angry, broken, lost, sad and shamed! Well that's what I felt when I reached out for help and support! Thats just about where i was when i went to my first alanon mtg. So come on in sweetie pie and stay for a spell! You came to a place where you will find a boat load of love and support!
Coming here helps me too! When I can't get to a meeting or don't know what is swirling around in my brain and I need to sort it out before I "react" I can come here! I can also give back and share my experience as maybe it can provide so insight or idea or inspiration or comfort so many reasons to share and give back what you have learned and experienced! And by doing that it also helps me! Helps to put things into perspective!
Your situation with kids, I get it! Tuff at best! Perhaps you can find grandma or sister, friend someone you trust to give you an hour once a week to get out to a mtg! Find one that could work for them!? Sharing your personal life and the "details" is no ones business, and you are wise to save yourself the unnecessary greif of sharing it with opinionated people, even if it is your folks! They mean well im sure! They are doing the best they can with what they have and know to do!
Such a huge part of my life changing journey, being in meetings! I sure will be praying for you and you loved ones! Prayers you can get to some meetings consistantly! Even if its 1 a week its a start!
Do you have any books from narnon or alanon? Maybe you can read at home? I've been to meetings when woman have brought their grand kids in, and brand new puppy! Yep!
As you read were here, not bored with anything about giving back! Posting here your giving and don't even know it!
So glad you posted! Feeling awkward may be a better description in my opinion! Never stupid!!! It feels so strange and uncomfortable and scary and we feel uncertain and don't want to imbaress ourself and appear to others as though we are "not perfect" and need some help! We feel hopeless, lonely, frustrated desperate, angry, broken, lost, sad and shamed! Well that's what I felt when I reached out for help and support! Thats just about where i was when i went to my first alanon mtg. So come on in sweetie pie and stay for a spell! You came to a place where you will find a boat load of love and support!
Coming here helps me too! When I can't get to a meeting or don't know what is swirling around in my brain and I need to sort it out before I "react" I can come here! I can also give back and share my experience as maybe it can provide so insight or idea or inspiration or comfort so many reasons to share and give back what you have learned and experienced! And by doing that it also helps me! Helps to put things into perspective!
Your situation with kids, I get it! Tuff at best! Perhaps you can find grandma or sister, friend someone you trust to give you an hour once a week to get out to a mtg! Find one that could work for them!? Sharing your personal life and the "details" is no ones business, and you are wise to save yourself the unnecessary greif of sharing it with opinionated people, even if it is your folks! They mean well im sure! They are doing the best they can with what they have and know to do!
Such a huge part of my life changing journey, being in meetings! I sure will be praying for you and you loved ones! Prayers you can get to some meetings consistantly! Even if its 1 a week its a start!
Do you have any books from narnon or alanon? Maybe you can read at home? I've been to meetings when woman have brought their grand kids in, and brand new puppy! Yep!
As you read were here, not bored with anything about giving back! Posting here your giving and don't even know it!
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