MLH2282

You know I always thought that even though we codies have a problem just like the Addicts we love, I didn't think we had to hit rock bottom in order to choose recovery.

ONCE AGAIN, I was wrong. I knew that you should never underestimate what an addict will do to maintain his addiction, but I guess those words mean nothing until actually faced with the addicts depraved behavior.

I recently relapsed and let my XABF start staying with me. Honestly, I wasn't planning on letting him stay, but he just showed up, and I didn't hold fast to the boundaries I previously set. I know that's where I made the choice to engage in this crazy lifestyle.

I know that I cannot be surprised by anything that happened subsequent to making that choice, but I still was. It's sad when you see the actions of someone you love reach an all new low point. I just wanna kick myself. I knew he was capable of anything, yet I wanted to believe he wouldn't stoop so low.

Initially, I felt angry, shocked and sad, but I also realized that I wasn't a victim, I was a WILLING participant. I'm still entitled to my feelings, but I know I that I have just as much responsibility in this as he did. Addicts can't hurt us, UNLESS we give them the opportunity to do so. I gave my XABF the opportunity.

Sufficed to say, I believe this is my rock bottom. It's funny, as sit here, I feel almost numb. I cried pretty hard last night, which I think was a good release, but today I just feel numb. I know that this is where the hard part begins. It's funny, I didn't believe that things would deteriorate to this level, but I think that was part denial and part wishful thinking.

In my history with my XABF, I came close to relapsing before, but some other force INTERVENED. But I know from experience, life is not that easy. I think it was God's way of testing my resolve and showing me that in my life, I NEED TO BE THE INTERVENING FORCE, otherwise I haven't really learned any lesson.

I am unsure how to proceed. I know it will be unpleasant, but I really don't want it to get out of hand. I love him, but I think it's time for me to let him learn how to love himself. I love myself too much to remain in this situation. It's funny, all those cliche slogans are running through my head, and they have never been more true.

Sungrl

I support you 1000 percent! I have been dealing with all the usual crap my ABF has dished out for a little over two years. My story is no different then any other on here. I have been lied to daily, stolen from, verbally abused, the whole nine yards. He spent the month of July in jail and I had never been more relieved. It was awesome. I got all these lovely letters about how this was all going to come to an end and we would live happily ever after. I bought it. Now 5 months later after 4 months in a sober house he is back to all the bs. At least now he has a job and his own place. I don't have to worry about that. Well, I should say he has a place to live for now. The majority of his money obvioulsy is going to beer, cigs, pull tabs, and the bar. We will see how long he has a roof over his head. I haven't spoken to him since Tuesday night after a night of drinking and the ususal tirade of everything my fault, I need to change, quack quack. I do believe this may be my rock bottom. I am FINALLY seeing the light. Nothing is changing, I am more miserable then ever and it hurts worse being with him then without. It took a long time, but I feel confident and thrilled with my decision. It just wasnt fun anymore. Stay strong.

MLH2282

My XABF goes to jail in March for 60 days. I know I'll get the jail letters, NOW I need to come up with a plan on how to deal. I wish the painful moments stayed FRESH in our minds as it would be a lot easier to just say NO!

Sungrl

I guess it's easy for me because the bad times are becomiong more and more frequent. Not a day goes by that he does not drink. It would not suprise me if the cocain use starts again. He of course promised it would not. This was not a daily thing, but to me even shooting up coke once is more then enough for me to comprehend. It's just become the patten with us. He has a wierd work schedule and has two to three days off and works the others and it rotates. I work a 5 day work week from 9 to 5. He is drunk on his days off by the time I am done and all he does is pass out when I get there and Im just suppoded to watch a movie or something. We dont eat together because it will ruin his buzz. It has just gotten ridiculous. I am not happy. He obvioulsy is unhappy on some level or he wouldn't be an addict. That said, eventually you will see the bad outshines the good and that is not how we should be living life. Who needs it. Not Us!

crazybabie

This, is what I do with my sons letters from prison I toss them in the trash it gets easier to do.