I think my dad might be using again? Please help
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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I think my dad might be using again? Please help
My family has recently discovered my dad is a heroin addict. Since the intervention, he's been doing a lot to stay clean, including going to NA meetings 5 times a week, speaking with counselors, and has been to a recovery home.
He's been 6 months clean. However, just this past Christmas, I was with him and he went to a variety store, where he claimed he wanted to buy smokes because he bought the wrong kind. (He's been smoking for 20 years, so that was suspicious). I stayed in the car, but when he went in, he stood and spun that rack that has the prepaid gift cards (suspicion number 2). A car pulled up next to me, and a guy got out and went in the store. When he did- my dad left spinning the rack and from there I couldn't see him. (suspicion 3). When my dad left, the guy followed behind. My dad immediately said "oh that guy took forever in front of me buying scratch tickets" (suspicion number 3- the fact that he felt the need to make an excuse, and that he left before the guy- even though the guy was apparently ahead of him in line).
Maybe I'm way off here, but he's lied to me for years, and now I don't believe a lot of things he says.
I get that it's HIS disease and addiction and his choices, but I'm only 20. I don't know how to deal with this. Someone please help. Should I talk to him about it? I got a terrible sinking feeling when that happened that I couldn't muster up the courage to bring it up to him- especially if he really has been clean for 6 months. That would make him think I'm not supportive or proud of him (which I am, but I'm concerned now).
He's been 6 months clean. However, just this past Christmas, I was with him and he went to a variety store, where he claimed he wanted to buy smokes because he bought the wrong kind. (He's been smoking for 20 years, so that was suspicious). I stayed in the car, but when he went in, he stood and spun that rack that has the prepaid gift cards (suspicion number 2). A car pulled up next to me, and a guy got out and went in the store. When he did- my dad left spinning the rack and from there I couldn't see him. (suspicion 3). When my dad left, the guy followed behind. My dad immediately said "oh that guy took forever in front of me buying scratch tickets" (suspicion number 3- the fact that he felt the need to make an excuse, and that he left before the guy- even though the guy was apparently ahead of him in line).
Maybe I'm way off here, but he's lied to me for years, and now I don't believe a lot of things he says.
I get that it's HIS disease and addiction and his choices, but I'm only 20. I don't know how to deal with this. Someone please help. Should I talk to him about it? I got a terrible sinking feeling when that happened that I couldn't muster up the courage to bring it up to him- especially if he really has been clean for 6 months. That would make him think I'm not supportive or proud of him (which I am, but I'm concerned now).
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Those suspicions are going to be there for a very long time. When someone has deceived us for a very long time, it's impossible to simply begin trusting them. They have to earn it.
You've got the gist of it.....it is his recovery. You don't have control of him but you do have control of your own reactions. You have a right to your own boundaries too. If he is indeed using again.....you'll know eventually.......take it one day at a time.
gentle hugs
ke
You've got the gist of it.....it is his recovery. You don't have control of him but you do have control of your own reactions. You have a right to your own boundaries too. If he is indeed using again.....you'll know eventually.......take it one day at a time.
gentle hugs
ke
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Trust your gut, and pay attention to his actions only...not his words.
My mother has been an alcoholic for at least 65 years, she has never been in recovery, and never will be, it is her choice, there is nothing I can do to help her.
All you can do is go about the business of living your life.
I am sorry that you are having to deal with this, I know how difficult it is. If you haven't done so take some time to read cynical one's blogs, lots of helpful information there.
Keep posting, it will help.
My mother has been an alcoholic for at least 65 years, she has never been in recovery, and never will be, it is her choice, there is nothing I can do to help her.
All you can do is go about the business of living your life.
I am sorry that you are having to deal with this, I know how difficult it is. If you haven't done so take some time to read cynical one's blogs, lots of helpful information there.
Keep posting, it will help.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by illiga 
My family has recently discovered my dad is a heroin addict. Since the intervention, he's been doing a lot to stay clean, including going to NA meetings 5 times a week, speaking with counselors, and has been to a recovery home.
He's been 6 months clean. However, just this past Christmas, I was with him and he went to a variety store, where he claimed he wanted to buy smokes because he bought the wrong kind. (He's been smoking for 20 years, so that was suspicious). I stayed in the car, but when he went in, he stood and spun that rack that has the prepaid gift cards (suspicion number 2). A car pulled up next to me, and a guy got out and went in the store. When he did- my dad left spinning the rack and from there I couldn't see him. (suspicion 3). When my dad left, the guy followed behind. My dad immediately said "oh that guy took forever in front of me buying scratch tickets" (suspicion number 3- the fact that he felt the need to make an excuse, and that he left before the guy- even though the guy was apparently ahead of him in line).
Maybe I'm way off here, but he's lied to me for years, and now I don't believe a lot of things he says.
I get that it's HIS disease and addiction and his choices, but I'm only 20. I don't know how to deal with this. Someone please help. Should I talk to him about it? I got a terrible sinking feeling when that happened that I couldn't muster up the courage to bring it up to him- especially if he really has been clean for 6 months. That would make him think I'm not supportive or proud of him (which I am, but I'm concerned now).
He's been 6 months clean. However, just this past Christmas, I was with him and he went to a variety store, where he claimed he wanted to buy smokes because he bought the wrong kind. (He's been smoking for 20 years, so that was suspicious). I stayed in the car, but when he went in, he stood and spun that rack that has the prepaid gift cards (suspicion number 2). A car pulled up next to me, and a guy got out and went in the store. When he did- my dad left spinning the rack and from there I couldn't see him. (suspicion 3). When my dad left, the guy followed behind. My dad immediately said "oh that guy took forever in front of me buying scratch tickets" (suspicion number 3- the fact that he felt the need to make an excuse, and that he left before the guy- even though the guy was apparently ahead of him in line).
Maybe I'm way off here, but he's lied to me for years, and now I don't believe a lot of things he says.
I get that it's HIS disease and addiction and his choices, but I'm only 20. I don't know how to deal with this. Someone please help. Should I talk to him about it? I got a terrible sinking feeling when that happened that I couldn't muster up the courage to bring it up to him- especially if he really has been clean for 6 months. That would make him think I'm not supportive or proud of him (which I am, but I'm concerned now).
Unfortunately, you've nailed the issue -- it's his disease, addiction and choices, and there's nothing you can do to change any of those things. The good news is you can choose what you're going to do. Coming here's a great start.
I would recommend you find an Al Anon or Nar Anon meeting local to you. I'm not sure what the cutoff age is for Ala Teen...I think that would be good for you. You need support from people close to your age, people that can relate to the experience of having an addict as a parent.
In lieu of that, if you need to talk, shoot me a PM any time. The next couple of weeks are a bit hectic for me at work, but I can respond by early evening.
Best,
ZoSo
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
I think the main thing to remember is that no action you take or don't take is going to be the wrong action for *him*. You aren't going to be the cause of his relapse nor the cause of his cure.
So focus instead on doing what is best for you - whatever will help you stay healthy and sane. And you have come to the right place to figure out what that means.
I'm sending you prayers and strength. I'm so sorry you are dealing with such a difficult and scary situation.
So focus instead on doing what is best for you - whatever will help you stay healthy and sane. And you have come to the right place to figure out what that means.
I'm sending you prayers and strength. I'm so sorry you are dealing with such a difficult and scary situation.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
The thing is that you don't know for sure, but at the same time, your suspicions are totally understandable. Hang in there, time will tell. I hope your dad continues to do well. Heroine, crack, cocaine and meth are the worse of the worse and I would never ever touch them. It's bad enough the alcohol got me.
Good luck Girl!!
Good luck Girl!!
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