Husband doing drugs and prostitutes?

Old 01-10-2013, 10:26 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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good for you! i can totally imagine the way the lies are mapping themselves out, just enough to keep us sweet and then it always reverts back to the same old bs..just it takes a little bit more away from us each time... stay strong, and don't let him take anymore from you than he already has.
watch out for the aa meetings too..my ex went to aa then 'bonded' with this woman there, (who had a partner of 6 yrs that she was physically violent towards) he started seeing her/sleeping with her, because they 'understood' each other...it's laughable now, but am just saying, that kind of thing is fairly common in aa if the person is not serious about recovery and if they have a history of being dishonest or unfaithful.
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Old 01-10-2013, 10:33 AM
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My heart is breaking for you. Your husband has been unfaithful, probably many more times than it even seems like he has been. And lying and drug use on top of that! I pray that you find the strength to save yourself from this chaos. The God of my understanding never intended for anyone to suffer abuse at the hands of another this way.

If I were you I would drive that truck (that's in your name) straight to a lawyer's office and find out what your options are. The hardest part of the journey is always that first step. You don't have to make any decisions right away, but it's always best to be well informed should the time come to act.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 01-11-2013, 09:09 AM
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Thank you so much! I haven't told my parents yet - I am thinking of talking to my Mom this weekend about it and telling her but I don't think I want my Dad to know just yet. I'm going back to my church on Sunday to sing (i'm on the worship team there) and I haven't been in 4 wks, as my Grandfather died at Christmas time and I've been struggling with a couple people who betrayed me there who I thought were my good friends so I am not feeling very supported there right now - I am pretty guarded when I walk in the place now and my son won't go back there so I don't know what to do. I've been on the worship team there for 10 yrs and it has been so special to me - it's like another death to mourn- my year has been full of betrayals and I've had such a hard time letting it go. I just feel if I leave I won't be able to be on a worship team for a long time anywhere and worship is my calling - it devestates me to give that up - although I worship God in my own time anyways but I can't explain it - it feels like I've lost so much.
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Old 01-11-2013, 01:44 PM
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it feels like I've lost so much.

Big hugs for you it feels that way because you have your grieving for your grandmother among many other things your in my prayers.
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Old 01-11-2013, 04:51 PM
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I just feel if I leave I won't be able to be on a worship team for a long time anywhere and worship is my calling - it devestates me to give that up - although I worship God in my own time anyways but I can't explain it - it feels like I've lost so much.
This may be hard to think about right now but.....God sometimes hands us gifts that we don't recognize at the time. And it's not until much later that we can look back and understand. You just never know....perhaps there is some reason that God felt it best for you to find a new place of worship for some reason that you can't understand right now. Turn it over to Him....and let Him guide you.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 01-11-2013, 06:46 PM
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Hi GG
I am sorry you are in such pain. I too can relate to your situation. My XAH was unfaithful in our marriage. It was one thing to deal with addiction.....I could support him in recovery efforts etc...however when his infidelity was revealed it was as if I had the life punched out of me. I never experienced such deep raw pain.
I am a Christian as well and struggled for many months trying to seek God's will for me and my life. I had many meetings with the director of faith formation in my church. She taught me to be quiet and listen for God's whisper. I prayed and talked to God constantly (some days sobbing on my bathroom floor so my kids wouldn't hear or see me). I begged God to show me the way. Slowly and little by little I could hear God's whispers.....I could hear the Holy Spirit gently pointing me in the right direction. I was SO scared!! How could I do this alone, the house, the kids, finances etc....
I still am hurting from the loss of my marriage the loss of the dream. However when I look back at the past 3 years I am amazed at how my life is turning out. All those fears all the things that kept be frozen somehow worked themselves out. I was so sick it is a miracle I survived. The only way to explain my survival is but for the grace of God. He carried me day by day hour by hour. Trust your gut (I always fight it) and know that God will carry YOU too. He hears your cries feels your pain......and he will lead you through the storm. It is hard but try to listen for his whisper. Trust him and trust yourself. He has good plans for you! I will keep you in my prayers.
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Old 01-13-2013, 01:02 AM
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Originally Posted by ggsings4him View Post
What do you all think? I am a christian woman and hate divorce - we've been married for 26 years in April and he has been doing drugs and have reasons to think he has been with other women before as our 1st year of marriage I found out he spent the night with my best friend in a hotel - they deny doing anything and that they were just drunk. I think I would be a fool to stay - I don't even know how I could ever get over the trust issue - he hasn't had any desire to be with me sexually and I'm not an ugly woman. Most people say I'm very pretty. I am a christian and value what God says about divorce but I'm feeling like this is enough already - for me to believe he hasn't been unfaithful sexually is probably pretty dumb of me...
I am so sorry you are going through all of this. It is always so easy to give other members here on SR advice - looking at what others write objectively. So here goes. This is my advice - not knowing your full history or having ever met you - based purely on what I have read above - so take what you need and forgive me if I am not always accurate:
1) I am a Christian too - and I don't believe for one moment that God intends you to remain in a deeply unhappy marriage. In fact from what I can read you are in an extremely ABUSIVE marriage. Emotional abuse is no different to physical abuse - it breaks down your very spirit and your self worth as a woman. If there are children involved it is even worse. Children are aware of everything and it is YOUR responsibility to YOURSELF and your children to seek immediate assistance.
2) Your husband is showing you absolutely NO respect. He has lied to you over and over again. He is abusing you and taking every advantage of your kindness and humility and abusing your strong Christian principles
3) Your husband is exposing you to all the dreaded diseases and who knows what else. He is living a lie and leaves his family home to seak out drugs, prostitutes - who knows who he could expose you too .
4) Please, please seek professional counselling. you need to understand what is going on with your own inner voice - your own traumas - you need to work on yourself, grow your wings, get your strength back. You deserve so much more. Please don't let money fill you with fear. Please don't stay with an abusive man because of business and finances. Seek legal and financial assistance immediately. Find out what your options are. I know this is frightening, but sometimes it is worth losing out financially for the sake of emotional freedom. It is not possible for ou to run your business efficiently whilst you are under this enormous personal pressure. It might feel like you are in hell right now. You are filled with fear of loss. Loss of what you believed was a marriage and loss of business. Loss of money. But fear is no place to base any decision on. 'Fear is the mind killer'.
Trust in God. Don't fear the unknown. Get all the strength and support you can from your community, lawyers, advocates, church members, priests. Arm yourself with knowledge and make a plan! Have a stategy to get out of this marriage. (it is NO marriage). Don't lull yourself into a false sense of security believing in the bonds of marriage - hoping your husband will pull himself together and come back. It seems it has been too many years.
Dear Friend - tak the leap of faith - pick up your skirts and run!
Believe me - it might get worse from here - yes, you might lose a bit of money - but you will get strong again - you will fight - God will look after you - and in a few years you won't look back! Be like a warrior! Arm yourself and conquer the world!
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Old 01-13-2013, 01:10 AM
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Originally Posted by zoso77 View Post
ggsings4him...

If your husband's lips are moving, he's lying. It's that simple.

As far as your church not being supportive, bypass church and go directly to God. Ask for strength and clarity, and when the pain gets to much, as Him to help you shoulder it...

ZoSo
I agree witih Zoso. The church to a large degree is an 'institution'. I am christian but don't believe I need the 'churches stamp of approval' on anything! God is with you always. Just ask for him. He will be there. But when you are so emotionally wrapped up and filled with fear - we often don't see the signs.
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Old 01-13-2013, 12:25 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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I am trying to gain the courage to make an appointment with an attorney to see what my options are and what it may look like with the business and financially too. Very scary for me - I still need to tell my parents too. Thank you for your kind thought, wishes, and prayers! I will surely need it in the days ahead!
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