A little update
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 110
A little update
Hi!
I haven't posted much in a bit, but have been lurking nearly every day... I don't have any major drama or breakthroughs to report, but maybe in itself that is something
I went back to the US in November for Thanksgiving and I saw my sister for the first time in almost two years, and her baby. She looks clean, but she still acts like an addict in some ways. She needs help, but isn't getting any that I know of (and I don't ask). We didn't fight, we hardly talked. But that's more than I hoped for!
I had a semi-deep conversation with my mother about my brother's anger issues. He's 25 and just furious for reasons that are obvious to any sibling of a drug addict. I suggested my mother apologize to my brother and admit that she neglected him, unloaded on him emotionally when he was just a kid, and didn't keep him safe from our sister. It didn't go over well but the seed is planted. We'll see. I also gave her a copy of Codependent No More and we had a good conversation about that about a month ago.
One major negative is that my parents are buying a multi-family house. The plan is to move my sister and the baby in there and let her live there rent-free. The house is in the same town where she knows all the junkies and dealers. I have buttoned my lip, which confuses them all. My brother is livid, of course. I would have been livid too, without SR. An enabler will do what an enabler does.
They are all as sick as ever really. But I see it for what it is now. A few of my relatives are angry that I have distanced myself. They have been making efforts to draw me back in through emails etc.
I was afraid that this visit would end up in a huge blowout, and I am sure it would have been if I had not found SR!
I haven't posted much in a bit, but have been lurking nearly every day... I don't have any major drama or breakthroughs to report, but maybe in itself that is something
I went back to the US in November for Thanksgiving and I saw my sister for the first time in almost two years, and her baby. She looks clean, but she still acts like an addict in some ways. She needs help, but isn't getting any that I know of (and I don't ask). We didn't fight, we hardly talked. But that's more than I hoped for!
I had a semi-deep conversation with my mother about my brother's anger issues. He's 25 and just furious for reasons that are obvious to any sibling of a drug addict. I suggested my mother apologize to my brother and admit that she neglected him, unloaded on him emotionally when he was just a kid, and didn't keep him safe from our sister. It didn't go over well but the seed is planted. We'll see. I also gave her a copy of Codependent No More and we had a good conversation about that about a month ago.
One major negative is that my parents are buying a multi-family house. The plan is to move my sister and the baby in there and let her live there rent-free. The house is in the same town where she knows all the junkies and dealers. I have buttoned my lip, which confuses them all. My brother is livid, of course. I would have been livid too, without SR. An enabler will do what an enabler does.
They are all as sick as ever really. But I see it for what it is now. A few of my relatives are angry that I have distanced myself. They have been making efforts to draw me back in through emails etc.
I was afraid that this visit would end up in a huge blowout, and I am sure it would have been if I had not found SR!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm glad the visit went well, and you made good choices not to try to control that which cannot be controlled...other people.
I have dysfunction on both sides of my family, some better than others, but it was only when I learned to "live and let live" that I could make some sense of this and keep some semblance of "family" without cringing.
Yes, it's not always easy to bite out tongues in half...but it's best when we live and let live.
Hugs
I have dysfunction on both sides of my family, some better than others, but it was only when I learned to "live and let live" that I could make some sense of this and keep some semblance of "family" without cringing.
Yes, it's not always easy to bite out tongues in half...but it's best when we live and let live.
Hugs
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
