A bit lost
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
A bit lost
I have been attending Alanon meetings for almost a year (first meeting was
february 13th) and I have left my Addicted Boyfriend (the father of my
daughter) 6 months ago. Some days I feel so free and feel a sense of
serenity and other days I feel like other than getting away from the addict I
haven't made much progress at all.
I just wanted to share. I missed my Alanon meeting yesterday (fell asleep
nursing my daughter even though I had been up for hours!).
I really need my meetings! And sadly my daughter really needs me to go to
my meetings. I can't believe I am not a better mom. Actually some days I
am a pretty awesome mom but other days I have no patience.
(I think I found a babysitter down the street from where I live, so I might be
able to go to meetings that don't offer babysitting soon!)
february 13th) and I have left my Addicted Boyfriend (the father of my
daughter) 6 months ago. Some days I feel so free and feel a sense of
serenity and other days I feel like other than getting away from the addict I
haven't made much progress at all.
I just wanted to share. I missed my Alanon meeting yesterday (fell asleep
nursing my daughter even though I had been up for hours!).
I really need my meetings! And sadly my daughter really needs me to go to
my meetings. I can't believe I am not a better mom. Actually some days I
am a pretty awesome mom but other days I have no patience.
(I think I found a babysitter down the street from where I live, so I might be
able to go to meetings that don't offer babysitting soon!)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 120
Dear a bit lost!
Congrats on the birth of your baby girl! Not sure how old she is but im guessing not to old since your still nursing. But then again some woman nurse for a very long time, at any rate congrats!
Im a single mother of 2. I have 2 sons! Basically raised them alone! Their father has a crack addiction and I too had to seperate from him. I also attend alanon and have been for several years.
Good for you for getting into the rooms of al anon! Saved my life! Tought me and still is about me! Its progress not perfection sweetie! Be patient with your progress! Do you have a sponsor? If you do talk with them about your feelings about your growth! And if you don't perhaps you can get one! I got one early on and still have one! A sponsor should be someone that is working and has worked a strong program for some time. Someone you trust and can see in their life they are committed to their program!
As for the "good mother" feelings not so good mother feelings! Hunny that's something you will probably always have moments of. I have! It comes and goes through out parenting! My kids are teens now 15 & 17! I still get moments of im not so great at this! Or rather I have to work on this or that! You being in al anon and learning about you and how to live a healthy life while your daughter is a iinfant, in my opinion is the best mother in the world award! Your daughter is so blessed to have a mother like you that is going to be able to teach her how to take care of herself spiritually, emotionally and mentally and how to have peace in her life. You will not be exposing her to the disease of addiction and codependency. You are are a wonderful mother for learning how to take care of you! I did not go to alanon until my kids were 2nd grade and 5th grade! I wished I had started when they were infants! But its okay because I made it there when I was suppose to! And I have taken my kids to alateen! You wont have to do that if you keep working on you! One step at a time! Little by llittle! Do you incorporate meditation? Contact with the ]od of your undersstanding?
Today I accept myself imperfections and all! Im doing the best I can with what I have and working my program. Just as you are! I don't beat myself up if I "mess up" or if im struggling, I make a call come here or pray, read, go to a meeting, meditate or all of the above! One day at a time. I did not get to where I was when I walked through the doors of alanon over night or in a year or 2, 3 etc... so I know I wont change over night or in a year or 2, 3 etc.... it takes time to learn, heal grow. There is no graduation date in alnon!
Love yourself, accept yourself, embrace your strengths and weakness, acknowledge your progress, be grateful for where you are and remember where you could be had you not been in the program! You will get to where your suppose to be one day at a time!
Congrats on the birth of your baby girl! Not sure how old she is but im guessing not to old since your still nursing. But then again some woman nurse for a very long time, at any rate congrats!
Im a single mother of 2. I have 2 sons! Basically raised them alone! Their father has a crack addiction and I too had to seperate from him. I also attend alanon and have been for several years.
Good for you for getting into the rooms of al anon! Saved my life! Tought me and still is about me! Its progress not perfection sweetie! Be patient with your progress! Do you have a sponsor? If you do talk with them about your feelings about your growth! And if you don't perhaps you can get one! I got one early on and still have one! A sponsor should be someone that is working and has worked a strong program for some time. Someone you trust and can see in their life they are committed to their program!
As for the "good mother" feelings not so good mother feelings! Hunny that's something you will probably always have moments of. I have! It comes and goes through out parenting! My kids are teens now 15 & 17! I still get moments of im not so great at this! Or rather I have to work on this or that! You being in al anon and learning about you and how to live a healthy life while your daughter is a iinfant, in my opinion is the best mother in the world award! Your daughter is so blessed to have a mother like you that is going to be able to teach her how to take care of herself spiritually, emotionally and mentally and how to have peace in her life. You will not be exposing her to the disease of addiction and codependency. You are are a wonderful mother for learning how to take care of you! I did not go to alanon until my kids were 2nd grade and 5th grade! I wished I had started when they were infants! But its okay because I made it there when I was suppose to! And I have taken my kids to alateen! You wont have to do that if you keep working on you! One step at a time! Little by llittle! Do you incorporate meditation? Contact with the ]od of your undersstanding?
Today I accept myself imperfections and all! Im doing the best I can with what I have and working my program. Just as you are! I don't beat myself up if I "mess up" or if im struggling, I make a call come here or pray, read, go to a meeting, meditate or all of the above! One day at a time. I did not get to where I was when I walked through the doors of alanon over night or in a year or 2, 3 etc... so I know I wont change over night or in a year or 2, 3 etc.... it takes time to learn, heal grow. There is no graduation date in alnon!
Love yourself, accept yourself, embrace your strengths and weakness, acknowledge your progress, be grateful for where you are and remember where you could be had you not been in the program! You will get to where your suppose to be one day at a time!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Hi February13.....glad that you posted. When I can't get to meetings I know that I can always participate here - and that helps a lot.
One thing that I've learned is that this whole process isn't one that goes very quickly (at least for me). There are lots of 2 steps forward and then 1 back. And the joy that a baby brings is also partnered with loss of sleep, stress, isolation, and lots of care giving. It's hard to deal with that on your own no matter how you look at it.
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and think you should be pretty proud of yourself for getting to where you are!
One thing that I've learned is that this whole process isn't one that goes very quickly (at least for me). There are lots of 2 steps forward and then 1 back. And the joy that a baby brings is also partnered with loss of sleep, stress, isolation, and lots of care giving. It's hard to deal with that on your own no matter how you look at it.
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and think you should be pretty proud of yourself for getting to where you are!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
Leaving an addict, raising a child on your own, and working on your own recovery are all big tasks when taken on one at a time, nevermind all at the same time! You are alot stronger and braver then you give yourself credit for!
I don't have children myself, but talking to friends that have children, I can assure you that pretty much every mom has feelings of doubt, it's natural. In fact, whenever you have feelings of doubt, remind yourself that you removed your child from a dangerous situation! You left an addict and at that moment ensured that your child's life will not be filled with chaos and drugs. That makes you an amazing mother in my book.
Keep working your program and try not to be so hard on yourself
Sometimes we try to do everything perfect, and we lose sight of all the really great things we have done.
hugs
Maylie
I don't have children myself, but talking to friends that have children, I can assure you that pretty much every mom has feelings of doubt, it's natural. In fact, whenever you have feelings of doubt, remind yourself that you removed your child from a dangerous situation! You left an addict and at that moment ensured that your child's life will not be filled with chaos and drugs. That makes you an amazing mother in my book.
Keep working your program and try not to be so hard on yourself
Sometimes we try to do everything perfect, and we lose sight of all the really great things we have done.hugs
Maylie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
I have been meaning to come back to this thread....
My daughter will be 3 this month. I wasn't planning to breastfeed this long but with all
the instability in our lives I found it easier to continue. This last move (december 1st)
has been very hard. We had no furniture but a sofa-bed to start with.
I don't have a sponsor. And all my life outdoors activities (hiking, paddling, etc.) have
been the one way I've known to make me feel grounded and connected to my higher power. I love being outdoors with my little girl but it doesn't give me much headspace to feel that connection.This is difficult.
We've just been sick all week. I started throwing up sunday evening and my little girl was still throwing up today. Some kind of stomach bug. More missed meetings. Some really awesome time cuddling with my little girl but also some very difficult times.
We haven't seen her addicted dad since we have been sick plus a few days before that (we usually see him at least once a week).Our time away from him has permitted me to see that visits with him are very draining. I am not sure I will do anything with that realization but I hope I will. Her dad is going into a treatment facility in 9 days and I did tell him I would help him finalize a few things before he goes.
I think with the stomach bug we are contagious for 72 hours after we stop vomiting.
I guess we still have a few days stuck at home ahead of us.
My daughter will be 3 this month. I wasn't planning to breastfeed this long but with all
the instability in our lives I found it easier to continue. This last move (december 1st)
has been very hard. We had no furniture but a sofa-bed to start with.
I don't have a sponsor. And all my life outdoors activities (hiking, paddling, etc.) have
been the one way I've known to make me feel grounded and connected to my higher power. I love being outdoors with my little girl but it doesn't give me much headspace to feel that connection.This is difficult.
We've just been sick all week. I started throwing up sunday evening and my little girl was still throwing up today. Some kind of stomach bug. More missed meetings. Some really awesome time cuddling with my little girl but also some very difficult times.
We haven't seen her addicted dad since we have been sick plus a few days before that (we usually see him at least once a week).Our time away from him has permitted me to see that visits with him are very draining. I am not sure I will do anything with that realization but I hope I will. Her dad is going into a treatment facility in 9 days and I did tell him I would help him finalize a few things before he goes.
I think with the stomach bug we are contagious for 72 hours after we stop vomiting.
I guess we still have a few days stuck at home ahead of us.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
It's hard to have any sense of serenity while throwing up or nauseated. I sure hope you feel better soon!
It's so hard to get some good "me" time when children are small but I wish I had worked just a wee bit harder at it (isn't 20/20 hindsight grand). Overall it sounds as though you're doing remarkably well. Very smart to be going to meetings.....wish I had done it 30 years ago!
Keep taking care of you so that you can have the strength and serenity to provide that sweet little girl love and guidance from a well grounded place.
You, your bf and dear daughter will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
It's so hard to get some good "me" time when children are small but I wish I had worked just a wee bit harder at it (isn't 20/20 hindsight grand). Overall it sounds as though you're doing remarkably well. Very smart to be going to meetings.....wish I had done it 30 years ago!
Keep taking care of you so that you can have the strength and serenity to provide that sweet little girl love and guidance from a well grounded place.
You, your bf and dear daughter will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
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