Update on My Son...and Me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 27
Update on My Son...and Me
It's been a long time since I posted. My only child, my son, son is 22 and has been struggling with an Oxy-->heroin addiction for more than 3 years. He has been to rehab 7 times. Last year at this time I was in a no-contact mode with him that lasted 4 months. I allowed his addiction to control my life and my happiness and sank into a depression that lasted for years. Even though he lied to me and stole from me, I continued to try to "help" him, over and over.
Finding this site and reading the stickies and the posts was the first step in my own recovery. I bought and read the book "Addict In the Family" by Beverly Conyers. The book perfectly described everything I had been living through and helped me face reality. The reality is, there is nothing *I* can to do help my son unless and until he wants to help himself.
With encouragement from this board, I went to my first Nar-Anon meeting and met other parents struggling with the same things. It was such a relief to "go public," even though it was anonymously, lol. As long as I kept everything to myself, I guess I could still live in my world of shame, denial, and futile hope. I could not share at those first meetings without crying. Everyone understood; they'd all been there. The 12 steps of Nar-Anon resonated with me. Following them really helped me find peace. Today I am Secretary for the meeting and I welcome newcomers weekly. I made a few other goals (to volunteer and to take yoga classes) and followed through on them. I started getting out of the house and thinking about other things besides my son's addiction. I have begun to feel like "me" again.
My son has finally made his own strides with his life. He entered a six-month men's residential treatment program and has stayed sober. He is working part-time and looking for a full-time job. He volunteers at homeless shelters as part of his program. He has a sponsor and has completed the 12 steps (he'd never gotten beyond step 4 previously). He goes to meetings daily (sometimes more than one). He has a sponsee of his own. He takes turns running a weekly AA meeting. He made amends to me and has started paying down his debts and taking care of his legal matters on his own. He no longer calls or texts me constantly, and doesn't rely on me to solve his problems. He has made great strides and he has done it on his own, for himself. He came to my house for Christmas and gave cards to me, his father, and his grandmother, all with hand-written notes. There wasn't a dry eye in the house.
He still has 2 months to go in the program. Who knows what the future will bring. It is one day at a time and that's all any of us can focus on. I'm writing this as a message of hope. First, Nar-Anon is a great organization for us. It allows us to put the focus back on ourselves, where it belongs, and begin to heal and get healthier. Secondly, AA/NA works for addicts, IF and WHEN they decide they want to change their lives for the better.
I'm sending out all my love and prayers for all of you with loved ones still caught in the grip of addiction, and for those in recovery as well. May they find the courage and strength to take care of themselves, and may YOU begin (or continue) to take care of YOURSELVES.
-Susan
Finding this site and reading the stickies and the posts was the first step in my own recovery. I bought and read the book "Addict In the Family" by Beverly Conyers. The book perfectly described everything I had been living through and helped me face reality. The reality is, there is nothing *I* can to do help my son unless and until he wants to help himself.
With encouragement from this board, I went to my first Nar-Anon meeting and met other parents struggling with the same things. It was such a relief to "go public," even though it was anonymously, lol. As long as I kept everything to myself, I guess I could still live in my world of shame, denial, and futile hope. I could not share at those first meetings without crying. Everyone understood; they'd all been there. The 12 steps of Nar-Anon resonated with me. Following them really helped me find peace. Today I am Secretary for the meeting and I welcome newcomers weekly. I made a few other goals (to volunteer and to take yoga classes) and followed through on them. I started getting out of the house and thinking about other things besides my son's addiction. I have begun to feel like "me" again.
My son has finally made his own strides with his life. He entered a six-month men's residential treatment program and has stayed sober. He is working part-time and looking for a full-time job. He volunteers at homeless shelters as part of his program. He has a sponsor and has completed the 12 steps (he'd never gotten beyond step 4 previously). He goes to meetings daily (sometimes more than one). He has a sponsee of his own. He takes turns running a weekly AA meeting. He made amends to me and has started paying down his debts and taking care of his legal matters on his own. He no longer calls or texts me constantly, and doesn't rely on me to solve his problems. He has made great strides and he has done it on his own, for himself. He came to my house for Christmas and gave cards to me, his father, and his grandmother, all with hand-written notes. There wasn't a dry eye in the house.
He still has 2 months to go in the program. Who knows what the future will bring. It is one day at a time and that's all any of us can focus on. I'm writing this as a message of hope. First, Nar-Anon is a great organization for us. It allows us to put the focus back on ourselves, where it belongs, and begin to heal and get healthier. Secondly, AA/NA works for addicts, IF and WHEN they decide they want to change their lives for the better.
I'm sending out all my love and prayers for all of you with loved ones still caught in the grip of addiction, and for those in recovery as well. May they find the courage and strength to take care of themselves, and may YOU begin (or continue) to take care of YOURSELVES.
-Susan
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 167
Butterfligh,
I'm just beginning the journey with my son, who is only 16. I, too, have found support and comfort in Al-Anon (a weekly women's meeting) and from reading the literature and sharing with a group of strong and loving women.
I've only just begun Al-Anon, so it's good for a newbie like me to hear that the program really does work. Thank you for a shot of hope and inspiration, and prayers for your son's continuing recovery.
I'm just beginning the journey with my son, who is only 16. I, too, have found support and comfort in Al-Anon (a weekly women's meeting) and from reading the literature and sharing with a group of strong and loving women.
I've only just begun Al-Anon, so it's good for a newbie like me to hear that the program really does work. Thank you for a shot of hope and inspiration, and prayers for your son's continuing recovery.
...not falling down them
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,200
I'm sending out all my love and prayers for all of you with loved ones still caught in the grip of addiction, and for those in recovery as well. May they find the courage and strength to take care of themselves, and may YOU begin (or continue) to take care of YOURSELVES.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Meetings literally saved my life and I am so glad they are helping you.
And I am thrilled that your son is working so hard on his recovery. I will keep him in my prayers.
Thank you for coming back to share your story and update. You have brought hope to the newcomers and joy to the oldtimers like me.
May this new year bring you both many blessings of recovery.
Hugs from this mama's heart
And I am thrilled that your son is working so hard on his recovery. I will keep him in my prayers.
Thank you for coming back to share your story and update. You have brought hope to the newcomers and joy to the oldtimers like me.
May this new year bring you both many blessings of recovery.
Hugs from this mama's heart
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
I'm sending out all my love and prayers for all of you with loved ones still caught in the grip of addiction, and for those in recovery as well. May they find the courage and strength to take care of themselves, and may YOU begin (or continue) to take care of YOURSELVES.
Butterfligh- your post made me think of an inspirational quote I received today by Celestine Chua:
"I don't believe in luck. Luck = Leavings things to chance and the outside world. I believe in being harbingers of our fate, taking action and creating our own path and destiny in life. YOUR LIFE IS YOURS TO CREATE. DON'T LET OTHERS DO IT FOR YOU".
All the best to you and your son!!! And Happy New Year!
Butterfligh- your post made me think of an inspirational quote I received today by Celestine Chua:
"I don't believe in luck. Luck = Leavings things to chance and the outside world. I believe in being harbingers of our fate, taking action and creating our own path and destiny in life. YOUR LIFE IS YOURS TO CREATE. DON'T LET OTHERS DO IT FOR YOU".
All the best to you and your son!!! And Happy New Year!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I'm so glad you came back to share your story and ESH. All of us need to know that there is a chance for happiness and serenity whether the addict we love continues to use or not.
You and your dear son will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
You and your dear son will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 120
Thank you for sharing your experience! How awesome! Prayers for you and your son, for strength and continued determination to live healither lives! Its refreshing to hear about the changes in both of you! There is always hope for us and them. So happy that your life and his are on a path to recovery! What a blessing!
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Thanks for coming back and sharing your son's success story with us. Isn't it wonderful that when we finally make up our minds to take care of ourselves, things begin to fall into place.
In the beginning I would never have believed that life could go on without my being in charge. Once I let go, things started getting better. Guess my higher power was just waiting for me to "Let Go!"
My son has also made some great strides after 35 years!! He just turned 50 in November, and I never thought the day would come. I, too, am taking it one day at a time.
Hugs, Devastated
In the beginning I would never have believed that life could go on without my being in charge. Once I let go, things started getting better. Guess my higher power was just waiting for me to "Let Go!"
My son has also made some great strides after 35 years!! He just turned 50 in November, and I never thought the day would come. I, too, am taking it one day at a time.
Hugs, Devastated
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