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How to go no contact

Old 12-29-2012, 05:40 PM
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How to go no contact

Just looking for some advice on how you all stay strong when going no contact with an addict.
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Old 12-29-2012, 05:47 PM
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Maybe finding some meetings near you, would provide you with real life support.

Meetings and SR helped me make it through my toughest times and dark moments.

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Old 12-29-2012, 05:59 PM
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Good question.

In my circumstances, my ex also has a character disorder. She betrayed me at the end, and once all of that came to light, I washed my hands of her. Contact info, pictures, texts, emails all met the fate of the "delete button". Blocked her from calling/texting/emailing me. And it was surprisingly easy, too, because I simply wanted nothing to do with her.

I don't know what your circumstances are, but I'll try to generalize.

There comes a point when you have to recognize that it doesn't matter if you're in the life of the addict or not because the addict is going to do whatever it is he/she will do. They're really on their own; we can't help them. If the addict has brought you to a point where you're emotionally compromised, then just disappear. Block them the same way I blocked my AXGF. Just do it and be done with it. No games, no "this is goodbye" email or text or phone call. Just do it.

I would attend Al Anon/Nar Anon meetings local to you so that you have emotional support close by. Meetings certainly helped me reinforce my decision. I would lean on your friends and family for support, too. Keep busy; fill up your social calendar with events that will feed your soul and help you heal. Post here as often as you can and rely on us to help keep you on the right path.

Lastly, I would identify all the things you have that you're thankful for and I would thank God for those things every day. And I do mean every day. When the pain gets to be too much, ask God to help shoulder it. Because there may be a day when you're feeling so low and sad, it's unbearable. I can tell you that those feelings will not kill you, and if you ask God for help, He'll help. Trust me; been there, done that.

Keep us posted as to how you're doing.

Best,
ZoSo
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Old 12-29-2012, 06:24 PM
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IMO, ZoSo nailed it!
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Old 12-29-2012, 06:30 PM
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telling, believing in and reminding myself that "I am a precious human being and I deserved to be loved and respected" helped me.

the phrase "loved" does not mean love by a man... it's an all inclusive, bigger picture love. For example: loved by the people in my life who will treat me kindly and with respect, and love by me for myself because "I" will allow no one to harm me.

Contacting drug addict = harming me. So why would I want to do that again and again and again? I wont.
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Old 12-29-2012, 06:49 PM
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Weren't you able to obtain a restraining order from his recent act of domestic violence??

Time to look at him for what he has become A DEMON POSSESSED ZOMBIE. Contact is like selling your soul to the devil!

I swear to God, when my husband was in active addiction and was living in a fancy hotel - that room was filled with the most evil presence. Words can not describe it. I had to leave!! Then I had to pull over because I felt almost high on something. I stopped, prayed and swore I would never enter that room again and I never did!!`

ETA - at the point in time, my husband gave me the chills, a very creepy feeling of evil. I could hardly look at him and I even hated his voice. Had he not sought recovery very soon there after, I wouldn't have been able to stay in contact anymore. And to be honest, it took me a while to get over that feeling. Its something I never want to feel again. If that feeling ever comes back, we are DONE!!!!!!!! It was that powerful!!
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Old 12-30-2012, 01:53 PM
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hurt

how do you go no contact or let go when you have kids together. i dont have the money to get my own place for me and my kids. im so sad everyday. my AW does not put my kids in any danger but i am so hurt. thankyou for listening.

listening to "scars" by papa roach
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Old 12-30-2012, 02:39 PM
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There comes a point when the pain experienced by contact with the addict is so much greater than the pain or fear felt when in no contact. It's usually not strength per se as much as it becomes a matter of self preservation.

As time passes and serenity is felt in the absence of the addict, then it becomes easier...again not as much a matter of strength as it is a matter of feeling better when they aren't around and finding relief. Eventually that feeling of serenity or relief becomes the desired feeling. And no contact becomes even more easy to maintain.

There is always a period of significant discomfort (anguish) before getting to that point though.....looking back on it......that's the really tough time.

Take care of you.....first.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 12-30-2012, 02:45 PM
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Originally Posted by contra View Post
how do you go no contact or let go when you have kids together. i dont have the money to get my own place for me and my kids. im so sad everyday. my AW does not put my kids in any danger but i am so hurt. thankyou for listening.

listening to "scars" by papa roach
contra
I see this is your first post. Welcome to SR.......

When I look back at my marriage (XAH), I was so very confused. I couldn't even fathom that there was a solution to my problem. I realize now that I didn't really have a problem, I just had solutions I didn't like.

I hope you stick around. Ask questions. And keep an open mind. It's impossible to graft a new idea onto a closed mind.

Nar-Anon helped me find serenity......whether the addict continued to use .....or not. It is possible. (Great song BTW......very powerful).

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 12-30-2012, 03:16 PM
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kindeyes

thankyou for your words of wisdom. i attended my first nar anon meeting about a month ago and am planning to go again this week.

the meeting was not like i was expecting. it was better. if you havent gone to one you should. i started thinking more about taking care of myself afterwards, but as it has been several weeks i definately need to feel the comfort of the nar anon family. it is so difficult and painful going through the sadness and emotional pain. i know my AW does not empathize. funny, everyone at the meeting was going through stuff like me, where as everyone i know could not understand like they do.

I want this pain out of my heart and head. i want me back......
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Old 12-30-2012, 03:52 PM
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There comes a point when the pain experienced by contact with the addict is so much greater than the pain or fear felt when in no contact. It's usually not strength per se as much as it becomes a matter of self preservation.

As time passes and serenity is felt in the absence of the addict, then it becomes easier...again not as much a matter of strength as it is a matter of feeling better when they aren't around and finding relief. Eventually that feeling of serenity or relief becomes the desired feeling. And no contact becomes even more easy to maintain.

There is always a period of significant discomfort (anguish) before getting to that point though.....looking back on it......that's the really tough time.

Take care of you.....first.

gentle hugs
ke
Kindeyes, right on!
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Old 12-30-2012, 04:42 PM
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Originally Posted by contra View Post
kindeyes

thankyou for your words of wisdom. i attended my first nar anon meeting about a month ago and am planning to go again this week.

the meeting was not like i was expecting. it was better. if you havent gone to one you should. i started thinking more about taking care of myself afterwards, but as it has been several weeks i definately need to feel the comfort of the nar anon family. it is so difficult and painful going through the sadness and emotional pain. i know my AW does not empathize. funny, everyone at the meeting was going through stuff like me, where as everyone i know could not understand like they do.

I want this pain out of my heart and head. i want me back......
Good for you! Finding the support and understanding at a Nar-Anon meeting is a great step toward finding yourself again. Keep going back. You'll find a lot of support here on SR as well.

There is nothing more draining than emotional anguish. It steals our time, motivation, concentration......you name it. Dealing with addiction can drain us of our very lives if we let it.

You can take your life back.

gentle hugs
ke
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