LoveMeNow

As 2012 comes to end, I have done a lot of reflecting. I have learned so many things this past year. Although it has been a painful year in many ways, it has also truly been one of personal growth and responsibility, which has only just begun.

I learned what codependency was, which taught me so much about myself.
I learned my husband was an addict and I could not fix it. He had to want to.
I learned a lot about boundaries & that I lacked them in every area of my life.
I learned many of my decisions and actions came from FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) which wasn't healthy.
I learned that I am powerless over others.
I learned I needed to learn "acceptance."
I learned that NO was a full sentence.
I am learning how to take care of me and no matter what - I will be OK.
I learned to stop having expectations of others & that I could only control and fix myself.
I learned it was OK to ask for help.
I learned how it is important to live in today, embrace the now and be anxious for nothing.
I learned I need to work on that..a lot!
I learned it's never too late to learn.
I learned that I wasn't alone although I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I learned how blessed I was with the friends I have in my life today, some of whom I have met here.
I learned I had so much to be grateful for.
I learned the true meaning of "Let Go and Let God."
I learned and I love this one..It's none of my business what you think of me."
I learned that God loves my unconditionally as HE does you.
And lastly, I learned that God sent a Saviour and it wasn't me!



What did you learn?


P.S. I also learned the Mayans were wrong.

jerect

Love this post!!!

I've had quite a painful year myself but with pain comes growth..

I learned that when the pain of staying is greater then the pain of leaving its time to leave

I learned that I'm going to be ok on my own.. Better then ok actually

I've learned that I'm stronger then I thought I was ..

I learned that its ok to ask for help, people really don't mind helping you especially if you are willing to help yourself

I learned that I still need to be in recovery mode for a very long time.. Just like an addict doesn't recover by putting down their DOC, a Codie doesn't recover when the addict leaves their life.. In fact I see where it could become a bigger problem because I'm finding myself in a very lonely and vulnerable place.. Staying on the recovery wagon is crucial..

I've learned that its ok to come back to SR after lurking for two years with my "tail between my legs"!! I was welcomed back with open arms..

Anaya

Very good thread, LMN.

In 2012, I gathered some of the tools that you've outlined and put them to use. Doing so makes a tremendous difference in my outlook and functionality; that is, as long as I continue to work at it!

It's great to be able to participate here at SR. Good luck to all with continued progress in recovery. We can do it!

crazybabie

LMN, I love this thread I learned the same as you as well as

I learned I am my own worst enemy,
I learned I don't know what is best for the people I love,
I learned my love will not cure addiction imagine that

I learned that my addicts don't use at me it is not personal
I learned that me and my addicts are NOT unique
I learned when I step away from my program I am asking for a relapse on my side

I learned my AH is/was my DOC
I learned even though I have done a lot of work on me I have much more to do.
That is just a small part of what I have learned.

interrupted

I LOVE this thread! ((LoveBear))

I learned a lot this year, and I've done more growing than I thought that I could. I also realized how much more I need to grow - which is one of the many things I learned this year. Here are some others:

I learned that all that anger was just fear, pain, and guilt.
I learned that it's not the end of the world to admit my mistakes, and there have been a lot of them!
I learned that even though it feels intensely so, the actions of my addicted family members are not personal.
I learned that I have nothing to do with them using or not using.
I learned that I'm not that important or powerful, and I'm amazed at how delusional I was to think I had all that power.
I learned that I am very strong, but I am also very scared.
I learned that it's okay to show the cracks in the armor.
I learned that I have a very vulnerable child inside of me that can benefit from the attention that I've been forcing on my addicted loved ones.
I learned that I was focusing on my sister's and mother's failures to avoid recognizing my own.
I learned that I made a lot of bad choices.
I learned that it's okay to have made a lot of bad choices, and that it's never to late to turn the ship around.

Kindeyes

It took me a long time but I finally, this year, understood.....

......what it meant to let go.

......how to do it with love.

......that anger is the illusion of control.

.....that it's ok to allow someone to sit/live in their own discomfort.

Great thread.....it's always nice to look back and see progress.

gentle hugs
ke

LoveMeNow

I also learned that.....

Sacrificing and trying to fix people in my life -in the name of love - was really filling something in me.
I learned my marriage was not "special" when it came to addiction. No one's is!!
I learned I had a big ego (edging out God).
I learned doing "nothing" was really an action in itself.
I learned it was OK to feel anger but it wasn't Ok to act out in anger.
I learned the difference between unhealthy, obsessive love and healthy love.
I learned that my husband and family should not be my whole world.
I learned that I am an individual, with needs and want, separate from my marriage - and that is a healthy thing.
I learned to allow others to choose their own paths in life. They have their own journey and lessons to learn. Let and Let God!
I am still learning not to give unsolicited advise.
I am still learning "to act and not react,"
I learend that I don't need to always be right.


I learned I have a lot to learn!

Ann

Love this thread, so from an old timer here who's still learning...

I learned that bad days don't last forever and there is always hope.

I learned that life is ever changing, and each change is good because with it comes acceptance, inspiration, forgiveness and healing.

I learned that God's greatest gifts often come strangely wrapped...the disappointment that left me open to new gifts...the obstacle in my path that led me to a new and better path...the lesson learned that will help me in all my days ahead...the death of a friend that inspired me to live every day and embrace each new dawn with gratitude and purpose.

I learned that mostly life leads me to where I am supposed to go and all I have to do is show up and let life happen.

I learned to lean on friends when I needed to, without guilt or shame or feelings of unworthiness. That's what friends are for.

Merry Christmas dear friends, it was mostly from all of you that I learned so much.

zoso77

I learned I had an "OFF" switch, and when my AXGF was unfaithful to me and gleefully admitted it, I could flip that switch and cast her out emotionally...easily...

I learned my BS detector was a lot better than I gave it credit for, and all I had to do was pay attention to it.

I learned there was no such thing as unconditional love, and the closest thing we have to that is something we save for young children.

I re-learned something I had forgotten: I'm very strong.

I learned God really listens, and while things may not always go the way we'd like them to, I've learned to trust that He's got something else for us in mind.

I learned that an addict that also has Borderline Personality Disorder is impossible to deal with.

ZoSo