cut ties with drug addicted best friend
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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cut ties with drug addicted best friend
i made this friend 2 years ago who i soon discovered was heavily addicted to meth. 2 years ago I was depressed, but spiritual. I loved nature and was a positive force, i woke up with hope. Somehow after becoming way close with this friend, I lost that slowly and became very depressed but this time hopelessly so. Life around me looked dark and the one person i felt a common bond with was self destructive to an extent i've never personally witnessed. Slowly I became more self destructive, too, and I felt as if maybe somehow his energy and way of life was rubbing off onto me. When I came back from hanging out with him, I would feel like I have tunnel vision sometimes, like somebody kicked my feet from under me in a matter of hours. I remember when I first met him, I was taken aback by how he always made me question "Am I Okay?". As the months passed though there were no feet to kick out from me, so seeing him would pick me up, because I had nowhere to fall from if that makes sense. I was low.
W became very close, no boundaries basically at all. That's what we loved about our friendship. We helped eachother up when we felt down but never helped ourselves, both hate ourselves but love the other, now i would come to call it co-dependency because we bonded closely on a tight and intense emotional level. I let him stay at my place to avoid the chaos of his. My family loved him, he felt like he had a safe refuge. He would come over randomly sometimes if he couldnt reach by phone.
There were times I would see him and feel emptiness around him, I would feel I need to be there for him but his presence was too stressful, so i started using lighter substances more and more as escapes, too.
As I spiralled down (with him being one of 2 of my only friends, by the way) I had to start wondering how I lost myself completely this last year, and I thought back to when I last was ambitious and hopeful and full of positive energy, and it was during times I was away from all the drama of his life and the time before I met him.
You shouldn't be friends with people who hamper you, a friend would never support somebody's self destruction and be okay to stand by and watch, and one needs to learn to take care of oneself before they can actually emotionally be there for anyone else.
After the realizations that I was hampering his reality by acting as denial in his addiction when I would pick him up, and he was hampering me by needing ALL my emotional energy reserve, I decided this relationship couldn't be little because it would be too awkward. I had to just lay it down and put it down for the sake of the desperation of my mental health.
I told him to call me when he's 1 month clean, and i'll be there for him. That I believe in him, but that I can't be around his addiction. I didn't tell him how much toll his addiction really took on me, and that it was the reason he was so worried about ME, because it felt like he would take it as guilt tripping. Wish I would have. I'm sure he didn't understand so much as to why I was doing this.. But the point is I finally did it, and we had a goodbye moment.
Did I do the right thing ? Because that question is beating me up!! I feel light, free, like all I have to take care of now is myself. Like any interaction with him would drag me in through my codependent nature, but that I CAN'T HELP HIM I surrender. It had to be all or nothing no contact because i'm easily drawn into emotional drama. But I don't want to seem like I don't love him, or that I abandoned him. Maybe it was toxicly close, but we were really close and really do love eachother. I could say our friendship felt like one of the closest relationshpis i've ever had in my life in certain ways.
Did i do the right thing??? Yes.. Maybe not perfectly.. But was it too much? The wrong thing? I need somebody to say it, I did the right thing.
W became very close, no boundaries basically at all. That's what we loved about our friendship. We helped eachother up when we felt down but never helped ourselves, both hate ourselves but love the other, now i would come to call it co-dependency because we bonded closely on a tight and intense emotional level. I let him stay at my place to avoid the chaos of his. My family loved him, he felt like he had a safe refuge. He would come over randomly sometimes if he couldnt reach by phone.
There were times I would see him and feel emptiness around him, I would feel I need to be there for him but his presence was too stressful, so i started using lighter substances more and more as escapes, too.
As I spiralled down (with him being one of 2 of my only friends, by the way) I had to start wondering how I lost myself completely this last year, and I thought back to when I last was ambitious and hopeful and full of positive energy, and it was during times I was away from all the drama of his life and the time before I met him.
You shouldn't be friends with people who hamper you, a friend would never support somebody's self destruction and be okay to stand by and watch, and one needs to learn to take care of oneself before they can actually emotionally be there for anyone else.
After the realizations that I was hampering his reality by acting as denial in his addiction when I would pick him up, and he was hampering me by needing ALL my emotional energy reserve, I decided this relationship couldn't be little because it would be too awkward. I had to just lay it down and put it down for the sake of the desperation of my mental health.
I told him to call me when he's 1 month clean, and i'll be there for him. That I believe in him, but that I can't be around his addiction. I didn't tell him how much toll his addiction really took on me, and that it was the reason he was so worried about ME, because it felt like he would take it as guilt tripping. Wish I would have. I'm sure he didn't understand so much as to why I was doing this.. But the point is I finally did it, and we had a goodbye moment.
Did I do the right thing ? Because that question is beating me up!! I feel light, free, like all I have to take care of now is myself. Like any interaction with him would drag me in through my codependent nature, but that I CAN'T HELP HIM I surrender. It had to be all or nothing no contact because i'm easily drawn into emotional drama. But I don't want to seem like I don't love him, or that I abandoned him. Maybe it was toxicly close, but we were really close and really do love eachother. I could say our friendship felt like one of the closest relationshpis i've ever had in my life in certain ways.
Did i do the right thing??? Yes.. Maybe not perfectly.. But was it too much? The wrong thing? I need somebody to say it, I did the right thing.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
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No one can tell you whether it was "right" or "wrong" – this is YOUR life and you did what YOU felt was best for YOUR health. As someone who understands every word of your post, I can only say that I would have done the same thing (in fact, I have). My partner is in the streets right now and I told him that he cannot be a part of my life unless he is recovered (or well on a path of recovery).... the reality is that such an event is unlikely, but I cannot simply turn my love off.
I miss him, I miss "us", but I also have to recognize just how bad I felt whenever he was in my life, and that the "bad" came from his addiction (as well as my unhealthy response to it). A few years ago, before his illness had progressed so far, I felt so comfortable around him and we laughed a lot. Now, when I see him, it's like there's a black tar I'm drowning in... I can't do it to myself anymore. I can't swallow any more tar.
So, you and I are in a similar situation. I hope that your friend gets clean and that the two of you can grow together again. However, if it doesn't happen, don't let that hold you back. Keep focused on your life, on your joy, and on your peace. He has his path, and you have yours – let yourself enjoy yours.
I miss him, I miss "us", but I also have to recognize just how bad I felt whenever he was in my life, and that the "bad" came from his addiction (as well as my unhealthy response to it). A few years ago, before his illness had progressed so far, I felt so comfortable around him and we laughed a lot. Now, when I see him, it's like there's a black tar I'm drowning in... I can't do it to myself anymore. I can't swallow any more tar.
So, you and I are in a similar situation. I hope that your friend gets clean and that the two of you can grow together again. However, if it doesn't happen, don't let that hold you back. Keep focused on your life, on your joy, and on your peace. He has his path, and you have yours – let yourself enjoy yours.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Posts: 124
By the way, are you going to any support group such as Nar-Anon or Families Anon? From your post I can see that you recognize a lot of your own codependent behavior, which is good, but if you're not already going to a support group like Nar-Anon, I urge you to try. It can help in so many ways to share the pain of what you've been through and continue to go through, as well as learn from the experiences of others.
Big hugs.
Big hugs.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I told him to call me when he's 1 month clean, and i'll be there for him. That I believe in him, but that I can't be around his addiction. I didn't tell him how much toll his addiction really took on me, and that it was the reason he was so worried about ME, because it felt like he would take it as guilt tripping. Wish I would have. I'm sure he didn't understand so much as to why I was doing this.. But the point is I finally did it, and we had a goodbye moment.
One month from now, things will not be better. Things will be better if and only if your friend chooses to seek recovery, and that process -- stopping drugs, self reflection, accepting responsibility -- takes far longer than a month. And you can't be part of that process.
This entire connection with the two of you is destructive. If you don't cut ties with him 100%, he'll take you down with him. And I don't want to see that happen.
ZoSo
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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i'm really happy about your choice soberbio, good for you for saving yourself.
Yes, I'm going to a CoDa meeting tonight actually.
Zoso, i can see now that it was a mistake to say 1 month. I posted this because I felt I was being too harsh but now i see i was not being harsh enough. The process takes a long time. A month seemed so much less daunting to put out there, but that's me thinking about him over me again.
Yes, I'm going to a CoDa meeting tonight actually.
Zoso, i can see now that it was a mistake to say 1 month. I posted this because I felt I was being too harsh but now i see i was not being harsh enough. The process takes a long time. A month seemed so much less daunting to put out there, but that's me thinking about him over me again.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
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The drugged mind's master is the drugs consumed.
This is more so in terms of type and quantity.
You really know deep down that your decision is right.
It is very difficult to change drug free people let alone addicts.
Where a relationship needs massive change perhaps it was never meant to work.
This is more so in terms of type and quantity.
You really know deep down that your decision is right.
It is very difficult to change drug free people let alone addicts.
Where a relationship needs massive change perhaps it was never meant to work.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SouthEast
Posts: 159
When I was reading your post the one month also jumped out at me, it will be much longer than that. My only drug addition was nicotine and it was well over 1 year before I could honestly say that I would no longer smoke. Drugs affect your mind as well as your body and every addict is different. I have been told by people that they started smoking again after 10+ years of stopping, that they never lost the craving. I have a friend that is a recovered alcoholic (20 years) and she tells me she is never temped to drink, others say it is a daily struggle.
I have also had friendships that were emotionally draining. One friend would tell me that I always made her feel better, but she was always so negative about everything I was actually beginning to resent her attitude. I could be in a really good mood and excited about something and she always found and pointed out the bad. She told me I was a 'PollyAnna' and she was being realistic.
It's part of a relationship to share the good times and the bad - but when that person seems to only have the bad - maybe it's time to spend less time with them. After seeing the problems that drugs can cause first hand I run from anyone I find is using. You can't help them, and as you have found out, they are surrounded by drama.
I prefer to look on the bright side of things - there is no reason to look for the negative - it can easily find you, and it surely will, that's part of life.
I hope you are in treatment for your depression. Take care of yourself.
I have also had friendships that were emotionally draining. One friend would tell me that I always made her feel better, but she was always so negative about everything I was actually beginning to resent her attitude. I could be in a really good mood and excited about something and she always found and pointed out the bad. She told me I was a 'PollyAnna' and she was being realistic.
It's part of a relationship to share the good times and the bad - but when that person seems to only have the bad - maybe it's time to spend less time with them. After seeing the problems that drugs can cause first hand I run from anyone I find is using. You can't help them, and as you have found out, they are surrounded by drama.
I prefer to look on the bright side of things - there is no reason to look for the negative - it can easily find you, and it surely will, that's part of life.
I hope you are in treatment for your depression. Take care of yourself.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
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Hi Helpme.
I gave up smoking quite easily; one of the rare lucky ones.
Benzos and alcohol were a completely different story, with much, only reduction ,the past two decades.
I think the day by day approach is the way to go; after over 30 years I still feel mildly like a smoke on occasions.
I gave up smoking quite easily; one of the rare lucky ones.
Benzos and alcohol were a completely different story, with much, only reduction ,the past two decades.
I think the day by day approach is the way to go; after over 30 years I still feel mildly like a smoke on occasions.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SouthEast
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Murchovski,
Australia, WOW, my granddaughter cried for months after the Crock Hunter died in his accident. Her dream was to live there and meet him one day!
I started smoking when I was getting a divorce and became quickly addicited. I smoked for about 10 years and was up to 3 packs a day. I lit up first thing in the morning and smoked about 3 on my 45 minute drive to work.
I tried everything, the gums, hypnosis, acupuncture, nothing worked. One morning, New Years Day, I woke up with no cigarettes and said today is the day. I gained 20 pounds overnight ( seemed like it anyway lol) and my blood pressure was sky high. My doc told me that the nicotine (for me) was as addicting and hard to kick as herion.
I dreamed about smoking a cigarette, and I could actually smell the smoke! I was determined but it was one of the hardest things I have ever done.
It was years before I was over the cravings and today I can not stand the smell of cigarettes and I am never tempted. Now my friend says it is a daily struggle after 20 years!!!
We are all so different!!!! Congrats on overcoming your addictions!
Australia, WOW, my granddaughter cried for months after the Crock Hunter died in his accident. Her dream was to live there and meet him one day!
I started smoking when I was getting a divorce and became quickly addicited. I smoked for about 10 years and was up to 3 packs a day. I lit up first thing in the morning and smoked about 3 on my 45 minute drive to work.
I tried everything, the gums, hypnosis, acupuncture, nothing worked. One morning, New Years Day, I woke up with no cigarettes and said today is the day. I gained 20 pounds overnight ( seemed like it anyway lol) and my blood pressure was sky high. My doc told me that the nicotine (for me) was as addicting and hard to kick as herion.
I dreamed about smoking a cigarette, and I could actually smell the smoke! I was determined but it was one of the hardest things I have ever done.
It was years before I was over the cravings and today I can not stand the smell of cigarettes and I am never tempted. Now my friend says it is a daily struggle after 20 years!!!
We are all so different!!!! Congrats on overcoming your addictions!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
I think you did the right thing and hopefully someday you're friend will be able to be back in your life without all the drama and self-destruction. If he has people around him allowing his behaviors and addictions to continue, he won't ever truly hit bottom and see that its up to HIM to improve his life and learn to care for himself.
I hope you feel better soon.
I hope you feel better soon.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
There are people that come into our lives that are good for us, some that are bad for us. Drugs/alcohol are not necessarily part of the problem. It's just that some people bring out the best in us and some the worst in us. Your friend, at the moment due to his addiction, is bringing out the worst in you. A break is a good idea and if he decides to get help, to go sober, maybe he can come back into your life. Stay strong and committed to not give your life over to his negativity. There's too much negativity in our lives of things we have little or no control over, but who we spend time with we do have control over.
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thanks guys. i'm really doubting my decision today, doubting whether the situation was even as bad as it was, whether there really had to be a harsh ultimatum like i did or just a bit of space in the relationship... like maybe I could have just said that I need breaks from him , or that we could meetup only if he hasn't used all day, not that i'll never see him again unless he's sober. Idk, so much doubt. I felt so good after I did it but now I can't remember why i did. I mean, he was using way less since I've known him compared to when I met him. But addiction is progressive as long as it continues right? I'm confused.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
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Reread this
made this friend 2 years ago who i soon discovered was heavily addicted to meth. 2 years ago I was depressed, but spiritual. I loved nature and was a positive force, i woke up with hope. Somehow after becoming way close with this friend, I lost that slowly and became very depressed but this time hopelessly so. Life around me looked dark and the one person i felt a common bond with was self destructive to an extent i've never personally witnessed. Slowly I became more self destructive, too, and I felt as if maybe somehow his energy and way of life was rubbing off onto me. When I came back from hanging out with him, I would feel like I have tunnel vision sometimes, like somebody kicked my feet from under me in a matter of hours. I remember when I first met him, I was taken aback by how he always made me question "Am I Okay?". As the months passed though there were no feet to kick out from me, so seeing him would pick me up, because I had nowhere to fall from if that makes sense. I was low.
That is why you did and you did what IMO is best for you addiction is progressive it will only get worse than it is until he seeks and embraces recovery same for you...
Your lows, depression, despair will only get worse as well.
I know it is not easy however if you start working on you then things will get easier and you will be happier that I feel sure of.
Keep posting and reading we will walk with you.
made this friend 2 years ago who i soon discovered was heavily addicted to meth. 2 years ago I was depressed, but spiritual. I loved nature and was a positive force, i woke up with hope. Somehow after becoming way close with this friend, I lost that slowly and became very depressed but this time hopelessly so. Life around me looked dark and the one person i felt a common bond with was self destructive to an extent i've never personally witnessed. Slowly I became more self destructive, too, and I felt as if maybe somehow his energy and way of life was rubbing off onto me. When I came back from hanging out with him, I would feel like I have tunnel vision sometimes, like somebody kicked my feet from under me in a matter of hours. I remember when I first met him, I was taken aback by how he always made me question "Am I Okay?". As the months passed though there were no feet to kick out from me, so seeing him would pick me up, because I had nowhere to fall from if that makes sense. I was low.
That is why you did and you did what IMO is best for you addiction is progressive it will only get worse than it is until he seeks and embraces recovery same for you...
Your lows, depression, despair will only get worse as well.
I know it is not easy however if you start working on you then things will get easier and you will be happier that I feel sure of.
Keep posting and reading we will walk with you.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
I would like too share something with you I started sleeping ALL the time found fun in NOTHING no enjoyment from anything I didn't notice the blue skies, the green grass the beautiful fall colors nothing I was no longer seeing things the way a healthy human was because I was no where close to healthy in a mental way anymore.
The addict in my life is my husband. I would kick him out let him in repeat he even noticed I seemed happier when he was not living with me I would go places but when he was here I would sleep the last time I asked him to move out was 8 months ago the longest we have ever been apart in our 28 year marriage and our 31 year relationship.
During that time I started working on ME, I am still a work in process that is for sure we are now living together again but there is a huge difference this time I am much healthier Ii still get out I see the skies, the grass the colors nature has given me, he is doing good right now but if that changes I feel I will be OK because I continue working on me.
The addict in my life is my husband. I would kick him out let him in repeat he even noticed I seemed happier when he was not living with me I would go places but when he was here I would sleep the last time I asked him to move out was 8 months ago the longest we have ever been apart in our 28 year marriage and our 31 year relationship.
During that time I started working on ME, I am still a work in process that is for sure we are now living together again but there is a huge difference this time I am much healthier Ii still get out I see the skies, the grass the colors nature has given me, he is doing good right now but if that changes I feel I will be OK because I continue working on me.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Posts: 124
Originally Posted by togetherapart 
thanks guys. i'm really doubting my decision today, doubting whether the situation was even as bad as it was, whether there really had to be a harsh ultimatum like i did or just a bit of space in the relationship... like maybe I could have just said that I need breaks from him , or that we could meetup only if he hasn't used all day, not that i'll never see him again unless he's sober. Idk, so much doubt. I felt so good after I did it but now I can't remember why i did. I mean, he was using way less since I've known him compared to when I met him. But addiction is progressive as long as it continues right? I'm confused.
A codependent relationship is an addictive one, and you are now feeling the (initial) effects of abstinence. It will not be easy for you, but you must pass through it if you want to make it to the other side. This is part of recovery.
Most people on this site have been through the ringer with their relationship with an addicted person. For parents and siblings, the parameters in the relationship are "fixed," but for friends, partners, companions, etc. there's a fluidity that can be dangerous for us. We're connected on many levels – some of those connections are often based on a real love that two people can share, while others are often based on unhealthy codependent behavior.
Sometimes, both of those who are in the relationship choose recovery, and the process can sometimes lead to a strengthening of the relationship, once the mutual codependent behavior has been understood and resolved... but, that is not the only possible outcome. Sometimes both choose recovery but the relationship doesn't survive, and that's OK. If two people in recovery cannot maintain a healthy relationship together, then it's best to let it dissolve so that each individual can continue in his or her recovery.
However, if BOTH members of a relationship are not dedicated to their own recovery, then the prospect of a healthy, growing partnership (whether as friends or otherwise) is basically nil. You see what your friend's effect is on you and you understand that your own behavior needs serious examination, right? If you go back to the cycle of behavior that you just broke from, you'll only extend the period of depressive, life-dampening experiences that you already know inside and out.
I don't believe that your friend cannot change, but I do believe that you will suffer more and more if you maintain a relationship with him without recovery, yours and his both. That's what the collective wisdom tells me and that's what I'm sharing with you.
Stay strong and believe in YOURSELF. Work on your relationship with yourself right now – this is your time.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Well, hey! So I wanted to update this for anybody going through a similar process.
I felt I had to cut this person off just to SEE if their addiction was what was influencing me to feel so negatively, it was a test because I didn't know, I was so unsure, but I had to try it.
11 days since I have seen this person, and I feel like I am finding myself again. The urge to hide in light substances (like drinking to excess when stressed) is dying quickly and has little appeal. I feel as if I have more control over myself because I am only trying to regulate myself, not somebody else too. It feels so relieving to only have to care for me! I can't wait to see how the changes progress if I am able to fully regain this mindset to the way I had it before. I am even getting into my old positive music, and I'm able to see the beauty in nature again.That's the true me, the one that is inspired by that spiritual glow in the world.
The same problems are still in my life, except for that relationship.
I really liked a quote from one of the stickies on this section "It is better to be alone than in bad company". Right now, I'm more stable and happier having no friends at all (not until I meet a healthy one at least!)
I am still mourning the loss of said person and some days are harder than others. I miss him, but I've come to realize that I miss him more when he's near me and still not there. The first 4 days after talking to him I couldn't even function, I lay in bed and just cried. I called him on the 5th day and told him I wanted to talk this over so he can understand my perspective more because I didn't explain my reasoning or how i'm doing this for my health and would feel bad if he didn't understand the Why. Somehow I told him I don't want to fully cut him off even though he's not sober. I need a break to rethink that, it felt like a mistake and I will right that.
Happy New Year
I felt I had to cut this person off just to SEE if their addiction was what was influencing me to feel so negatively, it was a test because I didn't know, I was so unsure, but I had to try it.
11 days since I have seen this person, and I feel like I am finding myself again. The urge to hide in light substances (like drinking to excess when stressed) is dying quickly and has little appeal. I feel as if I have more control over myself because I am only trying to regulate myself, not somebody else too. It feels so relieving to only have to care for me! I can't wait to see how the changes progress if I am able to fully regain this mindset to the way I had it before. I am even getting into my old positive music, and I'm able to see the beauty in nature again.That's the true me, the one that is inspired by that spiritual glow in the world.
The same problems are still in my life, except for that relationship.
I really liked a quote from one of the stickies on this section "It is better to be alone than in bad company". Right now, I'm more stable and happier having no friends at all (not until I meet a healthy one at least!)
I am still mourning the loss of said person and some days are harder than others. I miss him, but I've come to realize that I miss him more when he's near me and still not there. The first 4 days after talking to him I couldn't even function, I lay in bed and just cried. I called him on the 5th day and told him I wanted to talk this over so he can understand my perspective more because I didn't explain my reasoning or how i'm doing this for my health and would feel bad if he didn't understand the Why. Somehow I told him I don't want to fully cut him off even though he's not sober. I need a break to rethink that, it felt like a mistake and I will right that.
Happy New Year
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7
Hey guys just an update.
He came to my door, in a complete hysterical fit, his life is apparently chaos and he couldn't take not having me in his life anymore. He knocked on my door for half an hour while I was sleeping until I woke up in a daze, I went on a walk with him, which was a mistake I should have said no at the door. He tried to persuade me that he was changing but he was high. He tried to involve me in the drama in his life, put it on somebody so he didn't have to carry it, but I remained detached, which was a huge pressure on me and very hard to do. He tried to make me feel like I wasn't okay without him, by questioning my mental health and by bringing up things in the past that could possibly be bothering me. He wanted to believe that I am doing badly, too, but I told him, I'm doing quite well now that I have decided to take care of myself.
I stuck to my guns but I am having a hard time letting go of that feeling of guilt that follows whenever I remember or see him. I feel as if he was guilt tripping me by how bad he was doing, so that I would feel bad for not being there for him. I'm not doubting the decision I made originally at all anymore because I truly saw how deep seeded his problems were, and he told me today he would never get sober because he doesn't get how drugs are bad. There is no way I can do that to myself anymore, just seeing him today, I have to unwind my worries and that's going to take another 3 days at least. From now on i'm going to practice short and simple resolve, you show up at my door, it's "you're high, go away". You call me, i'll pick up but with a "don't call me". It's for you and me silly..
He came to my door, in a complete hysterical fit, his life is apparently chaos and he couldn't take not having me in his life anymore. He knocked on my door for half an hour while I was sleeping until I woke up in a daze, I went on a walk with him, which was a mistake I should have said no at the door. He tried to persuade me that he was changing but he was high. He tried to involve me in the drama in his life, put it on somebody so he didn't have to carry it, but I remained detached, which was a huge pressure on me and very hard to do. He tried to make me feel like I wasn't okay without him, by questioning my mental health and by bringing up things in the past that could possibly be bothering me. He wanted to believe that I am doing badly, too, but I told him, I'm doing quite well now that I have decided to take care of myself.
I stuck to my guns but I am having a hard time letting go of that feeling of guilt that follows whenever I remember or see him. I feel as if he was guilt tripping me by how bad he was doing, so that I would feel bad for not being there for him. I'm not doubting the decision I made originally at all anymore because I truly saw how deep seeded his problems were, and he told me today he would never get sober because he doesn't get how drugs are bad. There is no way I can do that to myself anymore, just seeing him today, I have to unwind my worries and that's going to take another 3 days at least. From now on i'm going to practice short and simple resolve, you show up at my door, it's "you're high, go away". You call me, i'll pick up but with a "don't call me". It's for you and me silly..
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
There's even a stark contrast between your post right above, after having rediscovered yourself in his absence, and this latest darker one, after having succumbed to his draw:
vs.
Just remember that quote: "It is better to be alone than in bad company" - it sure is. 
11 days since I have seen this person, and I feel like I am finding myself again. The urge to hide in light substances (like drinking to excess when stressed) is dying quickly and has little appeal. I feel as if I have more control over myself because I am only trying to regulate myself, not somebody else too. It feels so relieving to only have to care for me! I can't wait to see how the changes progress if I am able to fully regain this mindset to the way I had it before. I am even getting into my old positive music, and I'm able to see the beauty in nature again.That's the true me, the one that is inspired by that spiritual glow in the world.
I stuck to my guns but I am having a hard time letting go of that feeling of guilt that follows whenever I remember or see him. I feel as if he was guilt tripping me by how bad he was doing, so that I would feel bad for not being there for him. I'm not doubting the decision I made originally at all anymore because I truly saw how deep seeded his problems were, and he told me today he would never get sober because he doesn't get how drugs are bad. There is no way I can do that to myself anymore, just seeing him today, I have to unwind my worries and that's going to take another 3 days at least. From now on i'm going to practice short and simple resolve, you show up at my door, it's "you're high, go away". You call me, i'll pick up but with a "don't call me". It's for you and me silly..
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