kthopkt

Here I ago again...just as I think I am being strong by expressing "tough love" with my brother, I began to obsess about his well-being. I hate worrying so much about him; I hate that he is in jail for Christmas but also glad he is in jail; I hate that the right thing for me to do is to not visit him; I hate that I need to let him come to me for help; I hate the waiting; I hate the confusion.

I lay in bed at night & dream of having my older brother back; the one who loves me & is there for me to talk to. I pray today & everyday that he one day realizes the immensity of his addiction. He is lost & right now, so am I.

I WILL GET THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS; I AM STRONG ENOUGH!

interrupted

Sometimes one day at a time becomes one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time. Focus on the now, and try to do something kind for yourself. Your brother's situation isn't going to change regardless of how much you worry, so try to redirect that energy into something positive, maybe exercise or crafts, anything that you enjoy that will increase the positive. Holidays are particularly stressful, but you can get through this.

kthopkt

Cynical One:


Tough Love means telling him I love him but not giving him money; means helping him when he is ready to be helped & not pushing it on him.

I struggle with your 2nd question...but have decided to not go see him because I did last year on Christmas day & it was much more emotional for me than him. He has a way of lying & manilpulating & I get sucked right in. Besides, I am all out of words; I no longer know what to talk to him about.

If he came to me for help, I would help him in anyway I can.

I hope that one day he decides he is ready for hope & if/when, I told him I will help him the best that I can.

outtolunch

For me, tough love meant getting tough with myself and stopping my own insanity. For a while there, I set an egg timer and when the time was up I had to stop the obsesive-compulsive thing with my daughter.

There's something about that obnoxious ding of the timer that meant, enough already- time to move on- nothing here to see folks.

It took time and I did master the shut off valve.