moving things along...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
i found the fear i had about my bf was unjust, but my survival mode took over. protect first, ask questions later.
why not tell him he has til X date to get his stuff or you will be putting it all on the curb with the trash, or simply drop it off at mutual friends place and let them deal with it. i know my bf would not have come and retrieved his stuff at all, so to drag the process out. dont play his games. get rid of his stuff and move on. good for you for moving it all down stairs. its a good start.
why not tell him he has til X date to get his stuff or you will be putting it all on the curb with the trash, or simply drop it off at mutual friends place and let them deal with it. i know my bf would not have come and retrieved his stuff at all, so to drag the process out. dont play his games. get rid of his stuff and move on. good for you for moving it all down stairs. its a good start.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Over here.
Posts: 369
he got the stuff i guess he deems MOST important to him today and left the rest. i told him via email he needs to get it out ASAP. if it isn't out in a couple days, i'll give a firm date, i suppose.
he is so messed up. he is all over the road and i may really have to go no contact even though as i type that i get that anxious feeling in my stomach. "how will i know what's going on??" the little codependent voice asks..."what if something happens and no one tells me??" really??? the last communication i got from him was an email saying he wants to "lay with me" and "make love" to me. wtf. where is reality????
i'm disgusted. i haven't eaten anything real today. if i keep allowing contact i will end up where i was before. and i haven't fallen THAT far yet. reading and reading on here. so many relevant posts. older ones being bumped...i am getting my answers everywhere i look.
he is so messed up. he is all over the road and i may really have to go no contact even though as i type that i get that anxious feeling in my stomach. "how will i know what's going on??" the little codependent voice asks..."what if something happens and no one tells me??" really??? the last communication i got from him was an email saying he wants to "lay with me" and "make love" to me. wtf. where is reality????
i'm disgusted. i haven't eaten anything real today. if i keep allowing contact i will end up where i was before. and i haven't fallen THAT far yet. reading and reading on here. so many relevant posts. older ones being bumped...i am getting my answers everywhere i look.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Anytown
Posts: 59
mstrust, I went today to an addictions counselor and the session really helped me get my head on straight. One of the things she asked me was "when the phone rings and you see it is AH calling, what do you feel?" Not "how" but "what"...
My answers:
I feel anxiety.
I feel tired.
I feel angry.
I feel stressed.
I feel hopeless.
Then she asked "forget whatever you talked about - when you actually hang up the phone with AH, what do you feel?"
My answers:
I feel relieved.
I feel happy.
I feel at peace.
She then asked "if he brings out all those negative feelings, why do you even choose to take the call?"
I know now that I don't need to. I have choices. It is no contact from now on.
My answers:
I feel anxiety.
I feel tired.
I feel angry.
I feel stressed.
I feel hopeless.
Then she asked "forget whatever you talked about - when you actually hang up the phone with AH, what do you feel?"
My answers:
I feel relieved.
I feel happy.
I feel at peace.
She then asked "if he brings out all those negative feelings, why do you even choose to take the call?"
I know now that I don't need to. I have choices. It is no contact from now on.
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