Learning to respect other's feelings.
 

Last night, I had a long talk with my father who has been very sick with cancer. I know I need to fly there and see him very soon. In our talk, I asked him about how he felt about my husband coming too.

My Dad was very honest. He told me he is still very disappointed with my husband and in some ways disappointed in me for putting up with it. But he also said he understood that I wanted to try and hold my marriage and family together and knows how blindsided I was in all this.

My Dad is tough, has always been a great judge of character and even he was shocked to learn about my husband's addiction to pain killers. My Dad's career choice has made him see and deal with much of the dark side of life. He has very little tolerance for "stupidity" as he calls it.

In the past, I would have gotten upset and angry with him. I would have reminded him of some of his past mistakes. But last night, I told him I completely understood and respected his feelings. And I really did understand - whole heartedly!! He told me "you are my daughter, I love you, I am disappointed in him, I am disappointed because he did not do what was right by you and you deserved better." Wow, a heartfelt statement by my Dad is rare.

Again, I told him I understood and he had every right to feel that way. Then he said "I really feel terrible which makes me grouchy, hopefully in January with my new treatments, I will feel better and feel differently."

I told him I loved him and would see him soon. After we hung up, I felt sad for a little bit but I did truly understand, accepted and appreciated how he felt. I, also, accepted my sadness for what it was. My husband is a drug addict and my father has lost respect for him.

I am his daughter, he loves me and just wants what was best for me.

what amazing honest words from your dad.

Thanks for sharing. Your dad sounds like a great guy! I'm sending prayers for your dad, you, and your family.