Further proof
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 75
Further proof
We hear time and time again on this forum how the enabler is only of use to the drug addict until they stop enabling. Our beloved addict will continue to profess their love and their desire to stop using and to make "everything better". They make their promises to ensure our continued support and involvement. What a bunch of cr@p! I know this - it's just interesting to see it play out in your own situation. Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset about this. I am sad for HIM. But I have detached myself from his situation enough that it no longer hurts. I no longer have the overwhelming desire to help him - to fix him.
After stealing his mom's car, stranding her 8 hours from her home and disappearing for well over 24 hours, when my AH finally called his mom he asked her if I knew he had done this. Of course she said yes. He knows I have had enough and so he hasn't tried to contact me at all - which is good for me and I realize this. But I know that had she not told him that I knew, he would be calling me and telling me the most well-spun and convincing stories he could manufacture to get me to come get him - to continue my involvement and support. He knows that I know he has been lying to me - so why bother with me. He instead is working on his current enabler - his mom. In the past 24 hours she has gone from "We're going home and leaving him there." (in the crack house - after they found their car of course) to "We feel so guilty so we're going to go try to find him and take him to the rehab center in Oregon."
I know this will turn into him going home with her and not going to rehab - or into them coming back to find him when he finally calls crying after he has run out of money and drugs and places to stay. She is his new target and it makes me sad for her. I realized this weekend that although I have been telling her the truth about what he has been doing for the past 5 years, that she CHOSE to believe him instead. She decided I must be making all of this up and her precious son certainly couldn't be as consumed by drugs as I say he is. She's convinced she can still fix him. She's convinced she can still save him. I have told her otherwise. But as with all of us here, she will have to make the decision on her own, in her own time and for her own reasons.
As I stated in a previous post - I give him to God. And although she doesn't believe, I give her to God as well. I will keep them all in my prayers and hope that his drug addiction doesn't destroy her and the rest of her family as well.
After stealing his mom's car, stranding her 8 hours from her home and disappearing for well over 24 hours, when my AH finally called his mom he asked her if I knew he had done this. Of course she said yes. He knows I have had enough and so he hasn't tried to contact me at all - which is good for me and I realize this. But I know that had she not told him that I knew, he would be calling me and telling me the most well-spun and convincing stories he could manufacture to get me to come get him - to continue my involvement and support. He knows that I know he has been lying to me - so why bother with me. He instead is working on his current enabler - his mom. In the past 24 hours she has gone from "We're going home and leaving him there." (in the crack house - after they found their car of course) to "We feel so guilty so we're going to go try to find him and take him to the rehab center in Oregon."
I know this will turn into him going home with her and not going to rehab - or into them coming back to find him when he finally calls crying after he has run out of money and drugs and places to stay. She is his new target and it makes me sad for her. I realized this weekend that although I have been telling her the truth about what he has been doing for the past 5 years, that she CHOSE to believe him instead. She decided I must be making all of this up and her precious son certainly couldn't be as consumed by drugs as I say he is. She's convinced she can still fix him. She's convinced she can still save him. I have told her otherwise. But as with all of us here, she will have to make the decision on her own, in her own time and for her own reasons.
As I stated in a previous post - I give him to God. And although she doesn't believe, I give her to God as well. I will keep them all in my prayers and hope that his drug addiction doesn't destroy her and the rest of her family as well.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I applaud your clarity. Funny how things become clearer when we give up our front row seat and step away.
When I could recognize a lie a mile away, when I refused to contribute one more penny to his "emergencies", when the guilt button no longer worked and I found my own recovery...that's when my son stopped trying to bamboozle me.
Although he is lost in his addiction somewhere, and has been for some time, I no longer give up my life, my money and my sanity trying to save that which is not mine to save.
I too gave my son to God's care a long time ago and renew it daily through prayer...then I live my life as life was meant to be lived, peacefully, joyously and embracing the beauty each day.
Hugs
When I could recognize a lie a mile away, when I refused to contribute one more penny to his "emergencies", when the guilt button no longer worked and I found my own recovery...that's when my son stopped trying to bamboozle me.
Although he is lost in his addiction somewhere, and has been for some time, I no longer give up my life, my money and my sanity trying to save that which is not mine to save.
I too gave my son to God's care a long time ago and renew it daily through prayer...then I live my life as life was meant to be lived, peacefully, joyously and embracing the beauty each day.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 75
Apparently what I figured would happen is, in fact, playing itself out. AH's mom called me today to let me know that they picked him up and took him back to Oregon with them (phew! - he is far enough away that he won't be knocking on my door anytime soon).
She says they are giving him a few days to "get his head clear" and then they are going to discuss rehab with him. I said she could send him to as many rehab facilities as she wanted but they won't help until HE decides to get better. I suggested she look into the Salvation Army programs that (I believe) have 6 and 12 month live-in programs. She said she doesn't think he'll agree to that. To which I responded that if he were really ready to get clean that he would do whatever it takes - including a live-in treatment program. But the reality is that he will continue on the same path, changing nothing about his behavior - only using up his enablers and tossing them aside when they no longer serve his purpose. So very sad.
She says they are giving him a few days to "get his head clear" and then they are going to discuss rehab with him. I said she could send him to as many rehab facilities as she wanted but they won't help until HE decides to get better. I suggested she look into the Salvation Army programs that (I believe) have 6 and 12 month live-in programs. She said she doesn't think he'll agree to that. To which I responded that if he were really ready to get clean that he would do whatever it takes - including a live-in treatment program. But the reality is that he will continue on the same path, changing nothing about his behavior - only using up his enablers and tossing them aside when they no longer serve his purpose. So very sad.
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