Repeating Thought: I Don't Know What to Do
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
IMO, drinking heavily, doing Xanax and smoking weed daily has all the hallmarks of addiction, plus since this is a progressive disease, without a strong recovery program it will get worse.
I am glad that you are moving, you are getting way too invested in his "problem".
And yes, meeting would help you, addiction is a nasty disease and codependency is
a total waste of ones life. I know, been battling this disorder since I was a kid.
I am glad that you are moving, you are getting way too invested in his "problem".
And yes, meeting would help you, addiction is a nasty disease and codependency is
a total waste of ones life. I know, been battling this disorder since I was a kid.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 15
Good Morning, dollydo. You are right that this problem of his is taking up more and more space in my thoughts on a daily basis. I feel drained and empty today after an intense bout of crying in the middle of the night. Fighting off the cold doesn't help.
He woke up at 3AM last night because he's started having bad dreams from the weed withdrawal. He was also pissed off at me so I asked why and he told me how disappointed he was in me because I quizzed him about the Xanax and I let it ruin the rest of our evening. The night before when I went to his show I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Tonight, I'm doing everything wrong. I just can't win.
Even if it's for a few hours I need to take a break from thinking about all this. On days like today I feel like he's sucking the life out of me. I won't let him beat me down, though. I think I have a strong sense of self-preservation, but it's definitely being tested now. For a split second this morning when I was making the bed I had a thought of just surrendering and not fighting anymore. I don't even know what I meant by that, but it's such an unnatural thought for me that I quickly pushed it away.
I have so much packing and gift wrapping to do before Friday it's not even funny. That's what I'll be doing today.
He woke up at 3AM last night because he's started having bad dreams from the weed withdrawal. He was also pissed off at me so I asked why and he told me how disappointed he was in me because I quizzed him about the Xanax and I let it ruin the rest of our evening. The night before when I went to his show I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Tonight, I'm doing everything wrong. I just can't win.
Even if it's for a few hours I need to take a break from thinking about all this. On days like today I feel like he's sucking the life out of me. I won't let him beat me down, though. I think I have a strong sense of self-preservation, but it's definitely being tested now. For a split second this morning when I was making the bed I had a thought of just surrendering and not fighting anymore. I don't even know what I meant by that, but it's such an unnatural thought for me that I quickly pushed it away.
I have so much packing and gift wrapping to do before Friday it's not even funny. That's what I'll be doing today.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
I also think meetings would be useful for you we work the recovery we wish they would I fought this at first because my thinking was WHY should I have too work a program because HE has a problem after all haven't I been through enough because of HIM.
I can honestly say I do not think that way any more and that was some distorted thinking.
My program is about ME.
I can honestly say I do not think that way any more and that was some distorted thinking.
My program is about ME.
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