jewel14

My Ex-AH is in the hospital has been since last Thursday, checked himself in for drug addiction and depression (I assume)... I was told that tomorrow is the last day that medicade (sp?) will allow him to stay in the hospital.. I was told he was looking for a long term rehab, but am not sure what the status is.. I am just nervous I guess that he will be out tomorrow and not sure if there is anywhere for him to go. I know this is not my problem and that there is nothing I can do, but I just hope I dont have to get a phone call that he has nowhere... I can't and won't let him stay with me, but just the thought the phone may ring and I have to be put in this position makes me anxious....

BeavsDad

You will willingly put yourself in that position if you answer the call.

ISOHumility

Maybe instead of worrying, put together a plan.

a. This is my plan if he calls.
b. This is my plan if he comes over.
c. This is my plan if I don't hear from him.

Seems a little silly, but this way, you know exactly what you will do if each scenario occurs.

Do you have family or friends you can hang out with tomorrow? Is there some place you can go and have fun with your kids? How about giving your phone to someone for the day/night, so if he calls or texts you don't have to deal with it?

Just brainstorming. What kinds of plans make sense for you?

laurie6781

All he has to do is go to Salvation Army and they will evaluate him and
IF he shows the willingness he will be in their minimum 6 month rehab
and it is usually 9 months.

Now you do not have to answer if he calls, just pass the above info back
to whomever told you.

No reason to worry, either he will go for rehab or he'll go back to what
he has been doing.

If you have a cell phone change the ring tone for him to a Quacking
Duck. That noise alone will help you from feeling guilty.

Don't forget to do something nice for YOU.

Love and hugs,

jewel14

Thanks for all the suggestions... I thought he was trying to do the salvation army, his mom said everywhere has a wait (or at least that is what he is saying)

laurie6781

Not your problem. If there is a wait so be it he can go to a homeless shelter, or
camp on the doorstep of SA and they will give him a bed each night.

NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

Maybe, for your own peace of mind STOP talking to his mom.

Love and hugs,

hello-kitty

Let go. You didn't cause this. You can't control this. You can't cure it. there are powers in the universe stronger that are much stronger and more capable than you and they are in control. Not you. You cannot help him - but if you try, you will be enabling him. By not answering his call you are giving him the dignity of stepping up and taking responsibility for the situation he is in. And you are allowing yourself an opportunity to live a life free of drama and addiction.

dollydo

Don't answer, let him put on his big boy pants and deal with it, just as an adult should do.

Have you considered therapy? Might help you deal with your aniexty issues.

susiedancer

I was an enabler to my sister. I finally got to the point that I had to say, I love you but I can't be that person for you anymore.
Many hugs, Susie

LoveMeNow

Time to practice..... NO is a complete sentence!!

Can we come live with you for free, not work and just hang out watching TV?? We will at least bring our own TP.

Poetry

I know how you feel as my father is a homeless addict. What keeps me from caving from the guilt (that I shouldn't even feel since my dad's addiction is not my doing or problem to solve) is trying to remember to love myself enough to know I cannot invite the craziness into my home. It's not fair to my own well-being, nor to my loved ones who live with me and visit. It's not even fair to my dad, since I try to control him and vent on him all the time when I am spiraling out of control with my own co-dependency.