6 months to begin finding me :)
 

my ABF has decided to enter the salvation army on Monday. Im am happy that he has made this decision, and honestly relieved at the separation. I am glad to have the insanity to be forcibly removed from my life for longer than a month.I am excited to have the time to focus on me, because I feel that while he is here I am incapable. He does know where to find me in the summertime next year and that crazy addicted part of me hopes he does. I can't believe Soon I will be free. I hate to admit I didn't have the strength to separate on my own, but now that it is upon me I am glad to have the practice and honestly relieved to know he is going to be in rehab, and more relieved to be able to put my life back together. I hope and pray to grow strong while he is gone. strong enough to not get tangled in the spider-web of my addiction to him when he gets out. thank ou everyone for your encouraging words here. Im so glad to have a safe place to be

((Lily)) - The more distance I put between me and my XABF, the more I was able to focus on me, so I see this as a good thing for you:)

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Lily that's great to hear! . You need to take things day by day and keep strong. I recently broke up with my xabf , but I had no idea he was using and he lied to me so much now that I look back. Yes I miss him and think of him.
But realized I can't live my life for him.

The drugs were number one and now for your ex recovery is number. You still aren't.
You deserve to be happy and to be in a healthy relationship. :)

right. I hope for his sake that he focuses on himself. Im relieved to be done with the drama of him honestly.

yeah it really is easier when someone else makes those choices for us. gives us a moment to breath and build our strength.

but for me, if there is a life line at the end (i.e. we will see them in a few weeks, or that they just need some time to think) then i dont concentrate on me, i concentrate on getting my life better FOR THEM. no matter what i tell everyone else, deep down i am not working on myself, im working on myself so that THEY will see me as better. its like the perfect self lie. everyone THINKS im doing the thing. it LOOKS like im doing the right thing. but REALITY im LYING to myself.

just something to think about.

Great insight Jody. I started out the same way. I thought it was my job to get healthy so he would see it and want to get healthy too. I was still trying to control and manipulate the outcome. Fortunately, my thinking changed as soon as I had little breakthroughs and it really did become about me getting healthier.

Lily, I sincerely hope you use this time to work on you. If not, whether its with him or another guy, the patterns will most likely be repeated throughout your life.

God Bless :)

yeah im wising up to my own lies and manipulations of what i want the outcome to be (me and them all happy together)...being conscience of it is a start, changing that habit is whole different ball game...lol

I didn't set any and let him stay until he got in. hmmmmm I have just finished reading through all of my old posts because I found myself forgetting all the bad this boy has done and my clouds are turning pink again instead of stormy. the state has set the boundary if he leaves. They presented him with a choice: 6 months jail where you will most likely be able to continue to use and rack up more time, or 6 months rehab where you will be drug tested every day but be able to play your piano if you are clean and follow the rules. If he were to choose to leave the program early or gets kicked out for any reason, then the police will be notified immediately and the moment they find him he will be thrown in jail.

Ok, so what if he screws up or leaves rehab, then what are your bounderies with him? I am not concerned about what the police will do, that is a given....what concerns me is your past history of no solid bounderies with this guy.

for some sick reason I was ok with him staying here because I really believed he wanted recovery and leaving the program would show he doesn't and I would be harboring a fugitive and could get thrown in jail and lose the children and this new job Im working on. so right now, I say that I would go no contact right away. I did all of this stuff this winter because I was trying ro get him back into treatment. I know it was wrong, but if he leaves the program early then my justification for what I did is thrown out the window