Poetry

So, the addict in my life (my father) gets his mail here. I didn't really mind this in the past because he was/is homeless, (and last year was ill) and social security needed an address for him, so he used mine. He come over once in awhile to pick up his mail.

However, being around my dad gives me anxiety, and he comes too late at night, and hangs around all evening until I ask him to leave, so I have been pulling back (not answering his calls), and only sending him sporadic texts (saying hi) when I feel like it. His mail is piling up, though.

I don't want his mail to come here anymore. I don't want him hanging around here all night high anymore. I want to cut this reason for him being here away. I have asked him to set up a mailbox of his own, but he ignores my request (typical).

So tonight I check my mail, and there's a package returned to my dad from some jail! From looking at the front of the package, dad tried to send his buddy in jail some items, and the jail rejected them for not being the right number of items or something (this is stamped right on the front).

Well does this mean this criminal knows my address? I sure hope not. I hope the police open the package and do not include the envelope to the prisoner, because I really don't want this guy to know where I live! I have met this "pal" of my dad's and he's very sketchy. He punched my dad in the face once, apparently, and he's been in and out of jail lots of times.

I swear, I feel like I'll never be free from my father putting me in harm's way. I texted him again telling him to set up a mailbox somewhere and that getting this package from jail scared me, but he'll likely ignore me again. I am thinking I may need to be more direct and tell him to get his own mailbox, or I'll start putting "No longer at this address" on everything and sending it back. I was so hoping to have a stress free day, but even just checking the mail can ruin it when it has something to do with my father

Does anyone else have certain ties to the addict in their lives they want cut for good? Can anyone relate? I know there are those who were able to cut ties completely from their addict/alcoholic parent(s), and I admire their strength. I am just now learning how to set boundaries and be direct with my father, and it's a struggle. I want contact (occasionally) with my dad, but only on my own terms. Is that even possible? I wish I could move far, far away sometimes, and just run away like a kid would. I know that sounds pathetic, but I do fantasize about it.

JustSix

It sounds like he is forcing you to cut him off hard. I'm really sorry for that. Some options you might want to consider: start returning the mail marked "moved, left no forwarding," change your phone number and do not list it. If he shows up tell him he can't come in until he gets his act together. Text him one more time and restate your boundaries, tell him what you will do if he doesnt comply, and then do it if he doesn't. Some addicts need this level of boundary and it seems he's one of them. It's so hard, but I don't see any sign that he's thinking about YOU in your message. Hugs.

outtolunch

How about you set a deadline for both of you such as begining 1/2/13 all mail will be refused.

Getting and maintaining a P.O. Box is no big deal or expense.

Going forward, maybe it makes more sense to meet occasionally for a sandwich somewhere else ,than having him in your home.

JustSix

P.S. yes, I can totally relate to having people in my life that I've had to cut off for good. I am at peace with those decisions. Just give yourself time, you will get there. It will be tough for awhile but it gets better.

Maylie

For me the final straw would be getting that package and realizing that he might be giving people your address. That guy might come out and not know where to reach your father and show up at your home! If he is strung out on drugs who know if he will be paranoid and freak out if you say your father doesn't live there.

I think it is a good idea to give a date and then after that date send the mail back to the post office. For the time being you can tell him you'll leave his mail on the door step on in the mail box and he can come by and pick it up because the whole coming late at night and lingering forever while high isn't acceptable.

I'm sorry you have been put in this situation with your dad. Stick to the boundaries that you have and do what is best for you

Poetry

Thank you so much guys for responding. I like the idea of setting a date that he has until I start returning the mail to the sender, and meeting with him away from home. Yes, I am afraid this sketchy person could potentially show up at my house, that is what scares me about the whole thing.

Yep, it hurts that he never considers me, my safety, or my feelings, but I suppose I shouldn't be shocked by that anymore. I have to put an end to letting his choices affect me at all, and I think you're right Justsix, it may come down to simply cutting him off hard.