Lily1918

how many of you are still in a relationship with the addicted loved one? Im curious to see if there are those who have still chosen to stay? even through the insanity. I know active addiction is an insane world to allow into mine, but this early recovery season doesn't seem much better. I struggle with letting go... does anyone else? am I the only one who has still chosen to stay?

onlyliveonce

I chose to stay for 20 yrs. and it didn't make a bit of difference. He is still drinking and sick and believes he has his life under control. I divorced him 3 years ago because after living with an alcoholic that long I was as sick as he was. I also did not want to spend the rest of my life having his decisions affect my life like they did. I also do not have to wait for him to fall off the wagon when he was dry....and he always fell. Some make it, many don't, hope yours does. Just remember to love yoourself as much as you do him. I didn't do that back then but I do now. When ya know better you do better, ya know?

jerect

I'm in the process of divorcing mine... We were married 5 years and in 5 years time I've endured rehab, relapse after relaps, lies, cheating, more lies, him loosing his job... The list is exhausting... I was just tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop, tired of wondering if I would get enough money from him to pay my bills , tired of being roommates and tired of the mistress names opiates and now spice on top of everything else..

Don't get me wrong, I've seen plenty of couples in recovery who have made it but those are the couples who not only attend meetings but LIVE their recovery program.. My Ah would go to a few meetings, get a sponsor, stay on the wagon for a little while then start finding excuses of why he couldn't attend and pretty soon he was back to using...

I had to ask myself were things better now then they were five years ago and my answer was they were worse. And I couldn't see it getting better anytime soon so I filed for divorce.. Hopefully this will be my AH's bottom, but no matter what I don't want to be married to him anymore... I'm exhausted

crazybabie

Lily, I am trying with my AH the thing is I have to remember to work my recovery and stay out of his for me I have been having a hard time of just letting go ofmy marriage after 28 years but if need be I will.

Hope4Bella

I too divorced mine but even after 21 yrs he is still an addict and in denial. I too refused to love myself enough to get past it and now my daughter is an addict. Somehow I KNOW I will not give up on her but I also fear that this will be my life now... the scariest part is never KNOWING what to do..unfortunately this horrible sickness does not come with a script ..

kmangel

I really think it best to put your kids's needs above your own at this time. You don't want them growing up following the examples of the addicts in their lives.

I just returned from my 41 year old nephew's funeral. I posted about him earlier. His mother died less than a year ago from alcoholism, his father died a couple years before that for what we thought was diabetes complications but he may have been a drinker, too. The whole family it appears now were alcoholics. A family disease. Do you want this as the legacy you pass on to your children?

Ten of us family members had to clean up the mess of my nephew dying--he had vomited and bled out the day he died. The house will have to be removed of all the carpet--the smell of death has permeated all the fabrics in the home. My son and husband cut out the carpet in my nephew's bedroom, but he was in the house four or five days already. I am getting whiffs of the smell though I am no longer in the house which I have heard is not unusual. I hope it is only temporary. I want to forget it.

Maybe had my nephew not grown up living with the alcoholism he saw from his parents day in and day out he wouldn't have become one himself. No way to know, but it surly didn't help. Think long and hard, Lily, whether or not you want an addict around your kids.

bunkie65

Hi, I stayed left went back left stayed left went back then finally I left and did not go back! That was 7 years ago! Our sons were 5th grade and 2nd grade at that time! While I was there the last 2 years I started my recovery in al anon! During the last stay of mine he went to rehab for 7 days! Stayed clean for maybe a month and relapsed. He lost everything! I loved him but loved my sons and myself more! He became aggresive one night he shoved me trying to get money out of my purse, after he had been out he came home high and wanted the money he gave me to put up for bills! After that night and our tussle over my purse and money so he could go back out and use and pick up prostitutes get hotel rooms I decided the next morning that enough was enough! It got worse as they say! And I was not going to bring up to young boys in that environment!

He is still using and in denial! He never calls his sons maybe a birthday and christmas! Our sons are healthy and grew up in a safe loving stable home! I would not of been able to provide that for them if I had stayed! This summer we had a short time of trying to work on our relationship and I thought he was done using! WRONG! Our youngest son was mad at me for letting his father be here and use! Which I suspected but did not have proof! I found proof by accident, a crack pipe in my bathroom! So now he is back in his world and his sons are nothing to him, no calls not a word!

My sons are successful and really well rounded kids! I know with out a doubt had I of stayed raising them in the chaos of active addiction they would not be the healthy and successful young men they are today!