A Codependent relapsed
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 16
A Codependent relapsed
Well, I sent her today a couple of texts and left a message on her voice mail
Told her I am recovering codependent. I have to say it felt good to say it loud the first time. I guess itīs all a bit too much to process and fresh right now not to send a text. I knew she wouldnt answer the phone, it was more of saying it loud to her. Very irrational move by me.
I have to deal with the fact that I was in a relationship with a drug addict and I was a codependent part of it. That cuts deep. How did I end up being a codependent? When I think what I want itīs for her to go to detox. More of a real new start for her. Not for us. That is simply impossible. Too much has happened for that. I do think it was important for me at least to communicate by text to her what I know now. How I am supposed to move on without articulating the problem to the person who matters the most in it?
I like this forum a lot. I have only understood through reading on this forum that I am a codependent and I have to recover myself. Letting her know I am codependent wasnīt necessarily the smartest thing to do, but def the texts distanced me further from her I like to hope. So, no more texts or calls. I donīt want to relapse again.
Told her I am recovering codependent. I have to say it felt good to say it loud the first time. I guess itīs all a bit too much to process and fresh right now not to send a text. I knew she wouldnt answer the phone, it was more of saying it loud to her. Very irrational move by me.
I have to deal with the fact that I was in a relationship with a drug addict and I was a codependent part of it. That cuts deep. How did I end up being a codependent? When I think what I want itīs for her to go to detox. More of a real new start for her. Not for us. That is simply impossible. Too much has happened for that. I do think it was important for me at least to communicate by text to her what I know now. How I am supposed to move on without articulating the problem to the person who matters the most in it?
I like this forum a lot. I have only understood through reading on this forum that I am a codependent and I have to recover myself. Letting her know I am codependent wasnīt necessarily the smartest thing to do, but def the texts distanced me further from her I like to hope. So, no more texts or calls. I donīt want to relapse again.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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Originally Posted by JimmyDesperate 
Told her I am recovering codependent. I have to say it felt good to say it loud the first time.
Keep working on you.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
There's a saying about those of us in the rooms of the "Anon" programs......the reason we don't get chips is because we'd be giving them back every day.
Recovering from codependency is all about changing behaviors and our way of thinking. That is really hard to do (it's hard for the addict too). Don't be too hard on yourself. Take each day as it comes. We celebrate our successes and learn from our mistakes.
gentle hugs
ke
Recovering from codependency is all about changing behaviors and our way of thinking. That is really hard to do (it's hard for the addict too). Don't be too hard on yourself. Take each day as it comes. We celebrate our successes and learn from our mistakes.
gentle hugs
ke
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 16
Thanks for the uplifting messages. I feel much better now.
Well, she did respond. She still claims she has no problem and the few messages I sent would made her very angry and I should knock it of. Claims also she has a new guy. Makes excuses for not having time to deal with the issue. I have to say I donīt mind that she has a new guy. I am not into her in a sexual way anymore. Things have been very bad this year and we hadnīt had sex since February. For a long while I have been focused on the question how to solve her health issues which were supposed to be depression more than my own needs. Typical textbook codependent.
The talk about the other guy only happened in response to the drug confrontation which is extremely odd and it took her 5 days to switch from an ambivalent statement in that regard to a clear statement. It does confirm for me only that she does have a drug problem. Whether the new guy exists or not.
As background information: The last time I talked with her she talked for 23 minutes literally without a break being high.I looked at the watch. She said only with Adderall she would be herself and I should not make her feel guilty about taking it. Whatīs the problem if she takes it and gets it in relatively safe ways? Illegal, but from friends. She doesnīt want to address the drug problem because it simply doesnīt exist for her. Everything is just fine. Textbook denial with minimizing and rationalizing.
From the things I picked up here on the forums I do believe it is a perfectly logical reaction from a person with a drug problem to claim/have a new guy. Once the person is confronted, they need another person who has yet no clue. She doesnīt care about me or our relationship. A new guy also means of course she doesnīt have to deal with the drug problem and is the perfect shield to hide behind. Itīs I donīt have a drug problem, I just have another guy.
Gotta say those substance abusers are psychologically very clever. Doesnīt change the fact she wouldn`t pass a drug test. In one of my texts I offered to pay for a drug test. This was a bit stupid because sheīs not even denying she takes drugs. Sheīs only denying taking drugs is in any way a problem.
Overall this all good, she wont take a drug test, claims to have/has another guy, I wished her luck with the other guy and all what she said helps with my detachment though her drug problem remains. But thatīs not my problem anymore.
Well, she did respond. She still claims she has no problem and the few messages I sent would made her very angry and I should knock it of. Claims also she has a new guy. Makes excuses for not having time to deal with the issue. I have to say I donīt mind that she has a new guy. I am not into her in a sexual way anymore. Things have been very bad this year and we hadnīt had sex since February. For a long while I have been focused on the question how to solve her health issues which were supposed to be depression more than my own needs. Typical textbook codependent.
The talk about the other guy only happened in response to the drug confrontation which is extremely odd and it took her 5 days to switch from an ambivalent statement in that regard to a clear statement. It does confirm for me only that she does have a drug problem. Whether the new guy exists or not.
As background information: The last time I talked with her she talked for 23 minutes literally without a break being high.I looked at the watch. She said only with Adderall she would be herself and I should not make her feel guilty about taking it. Whatīs the problem if she takes it and gets it in relatively safe ways? Illegal, but from friends. She doesnīt want to address the drug problem because it simply doesnīt exist for her. Everything is just fine. Textbook denial with minimizing and rationalizing.
From the things I picked up here on the forums I do believe it is a perfectly logical reaction from a person with a drug problem to claim/have a new guy. Once the person is confronted, they need another person who has yet no clue. She doesnīt care about me or our relationship. A new guy also means of course she doesnīt have to deal with the drug problem and is the perfect shield to hide behind. Itīs I donīt have a drug problem, I just have another guy.
Gotta say those substance abusers are psychologically very clever. Doesnīt change the fact she wouldn`t pass a drug test. In one of my texts I offered to pay for a drug test. This was a bit stupid because sheīs not even denying she takes drugs. Sheīs only denying taking drugs is in any way a problem.
Overall this all good, she wont take a drug test, claims to have/has another guy, I wished her luck with the other guy and all what she said helps with my detachment though her drug problem remains. But thatīs not my problem anymore.
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