supportforme

In May, xAH drove into oncoming traffic, hit another car, was arrested for DUI. Police came to my door and told me that they found thousands of scripts. I allowed them to search my home. I was at the police station and heard the sergeant on the phone with the judge telling the judge about thousands of scripts before I spoke to the judge on the phone. The DEA called me in my office at work and asked to meet with me to discuss the charges against xAH later that week. When I met with the DEA they also referenced these scripts. I got the police report from that day and it clearly states that xAH was under the influence of substances, they found prescription scripts, etc. Today, xAH calls me to tell me all charges were dropped. They found him innocent of all charges and the arresting officers lied. He was so joyful in explaining to me how stupid his lawyer and the judge made the arresting officers feel and how now I have my proof that the cops were lying. I said I guess you were lucky enough to beat the system this time; however, I hope you take this gift and get the help you need. xAH angrily told me you just want to make all the lies you said about me true, even a judge believed him but a women who was with him for 20 years will not. He continued with how proud he is of his recovery and he's doing the best for his kids. He's passsed all his drug tests, etc. I made the mistake of engaging, I just couldn't help myself, his addiction has destroyed our family and he's so proud of himself for getting over. Long story short - I told him I don't have any proof, other than the facts - he's a drug addict that broke the law. He is a danger to himself, me, kids and society as a whole. I find it hard to believe that all of these law enforcement representatives would waste their time with me if they didn't have probable cause. I reminded him that just 2 weeks ago he was under the influence, hasn't visited his kids in weeks, hasn't paid his child support so I'm not seeing anything to be proud of. I ended the call with, you have no right to feel entitled of my trust. I've already had the horrendous experience of having to tell my boys about their dad's addiction, I continuously have to provide support for the boys when their dad is not capable of being there, I pray that I don't have to tell them that their dad is gone. I pray to God you get help. I know in my heart the truth but can't stop thinking could he have possibly beat all these charges. Could he be passing his drug tests - I've seen him and there is no way he is not still under the influence. I know I have not proof of what he is saying. All I do have is what I'm experiencing and my gut is screaming that he is still abusing - could he be fooling the probation system? Please any insight would be appreciated.

Impurrfect

Yes, he could be fooling the system. I know of many A's who could pass drug screens when I KNEW they were using.

I would keep trusting my gut. As you said, he's done nothing to earn your trust back, he's not supporting or seeing his kids so nothing has changed except he somehow got out of a charte.

I know it's frustrating, but I've found out that the truth always comes out, eventually.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

LoveMeNow

His actions and behavior are not acceptable no matter what. My 16 yr was able to beat court ordered drug test. Good lawyers can do many things.

He is free and clear to continue on.

My prayers got out to you and your boys.

crazybabie

Both of my sons have beat the system with drug test many times in my town they now test
for the products that can cover the use and make a test negative IMO there are probably some they still can't detect.

crazybabie

Not to add to your worries but be a bit careful for awhile my AS said he thinks it is very possible maybe your EXAH could have turned some big names in and that would explain a lot. I hope I am not out of line in posting this.

Justfor1

Sadly, having a expensive big city "slick" lawyer can get even the most serious charges reduced or even dropped. Chances are he will be involved in a situation like this again if he doesn't get into recovery.

outtolunch

The U.S. has about 5% of the world's population and 25% of the world's incarceration. We imprison a greater percentage of the population than any other country and most of the crimes are one way or another related to drugs.

The median cost of incarcerating one inmate in 2010 was $31K per year. In some states, the cost is $50-60K a year, the equivelent of a teacher's or firefighter's salary.

The drug epidemic and resulting incarceration costs taxpayers $63 billion a year. Add it court costs and we easily top the $100 billion a year mark. Overcrowding in some states has compelled courts, including the U.S. Surpreme Court, in some instances, to order the release massive numbers of convicted criminals and to drop charges.

Countries with the least consequences have the most problems with drugs.
The only countries that have been able to make a serious dent in drug trafficing/consumption are the 20 or so that impose capital punishment.
Singapore relies on public hanging, no doubt more effective than a lifetime in rehab.

Justfor1

outtolunch, I understand what your saying. However, for some addicts the drug addiction leads to criminal type behavior. Robbery and theft being the biggest ones. Disease or not, criminal & anti-social behavior is dangerous for society. It why diseases such as cancer, diabities ect... get sympathy while drug addiction does not.

hello-kitty

He's your ex. I realize you have kids with him, but you said he hasn't seen them in weeks and he doesn't support them financially, and he's not a very nice person or reliable father. Why do you still talk to him?

You can get off the roller coaster whenever you are ready and move on with your life.

supportforme

Thanks for all your guidance and advice. I'm glad to have all of you here to keep me grounded. It's baffling to me. It's so easy to get caught up in this craziness. I will continue to go with my instincts. I wouldn't doubt that he probably made a deal and someone else was more guilty than him, which is why the charges against him were dropped. He's a 1st time offender this time and I'm sure the system gets harder to beat if you keep breaking the law. He was probably just quacking to feed me more lies. I don't even have proof that the charges were dropped or that he passed any tests. I was driving myself crazy today thinking what if he passes the substance abuse evaluations and has his supervised visits removed. Then I came here and realized that I know he is still abusing and the truth will come out again. He's an addict and will waste all his energy on getting his pills; I doubt he would put the energy he needs into getting unsupervised visits. Ultimately, I need to stop giving this so much of my energy b/c I can't do anything about it. This is his business and I need to let go. I can focus on continuing with my recovery. My relationship with my boys has blossomed. We do have strong support from my church & family- they are close with my brother and male cousins. I'm going to focus on providing the guidance and positive male role models that my boys need to grow into strong, respectful, loving men. I do have alot of support including the incredible folks on this site. I need to stop allowing the insanity to get the best of me and be grateful for all the good that I do have. Thanks again for the helpful insight and support.

supportforme

Hello - Kitty - I saw your post after I posted. You raise a good point. Usually, he calls to speak to the kids and I listen in once a day for 5 minutes. I should have not engaged when he called me at work. Lessons learned. I need to make the break and get off the roller coaster - I guess I just slow down and haven't physically gotten off the ride. You're right. I do need to if I want to move on.

hello-kitty

I know it's hard. You and your boys deserve so much better.

NewBeginnings2

If he hasnt paid child support, you need to obtain a Child Support Enforcement Order. If he doesnt pay, he will lost his driver's license, and thus, not be a threat on the road anymore. Or, he will pay, and you will get some funds your kids could use Looks like a win-win to me!

outtolunch

I think we are saying the same thing. Most addicts eventually resort to some sort of criminal behavior to sustain their addiction because the harder the drug, the less likely one can remain employed and the funding has to come from somewhere.

My point was that those countries that have a zero tolerance position on anything related to drugs have substantially fewer crimes or the need to incarerate people.

My own position bounces back and forth between making it all legal-knock yourself out and zero tolerance. What has not worked is the $500 per second War on Drugs. We could use the same money to build the most fabulous free rehabs in the world and still, it's not sufficient to cause most addicts to take on the hard work of change.

If it's really a war, zero tolerance has changed entire cultures.

LoveMeNow

Wait, so you are not really sure if the case was dropped?? He is your only source?? That may explain it.

Regardless, you are doing a great job on you and your boys. I know it must be hard to see your boys hurt and confused but having you as there MOM is huge advantage that most kids in this situation do NOT have.

As for him.....no comment.

outtolunch

He's not contributing to the financial support of his children.
He's not a good role model.
He's not present in their lives.
He is already gone.

Addicts and those new to recovery are lousy parents. Drugs come before the welfare of their families.

Why not get court-ordered child support and call it a day. Your children deserve this. Fight for them.

supportforme

Thank you all for the continued support. You are all right. I will fill out the paperwork on Monday for the child support. I will be at the courthouse anyway for the weapons forfeiture when I put the restraining order. All his and boys hunting & airsoft gear was taken from the home. Great point - if he doesn't pay, they take his license and he's off the road.

celticrunner

I got my DUI after hitting a postal truck on August 25,2012 I had about nine years of soberity but lost it....

CanfixONLYme

Lovemenot seems to be on the same path like me... He's a Liar liar pants on fire... The addict doth protests too much, methinks.

xo

Ann

I agree with the above, just because he says so doesn't make it true. Even if the charges don't stick, doesn't mean he is innocent, it means they don't have enough proof. Our instinct is our proof, we need nothing more.

No matter how hard this is for you now, it will only get worse if you continue to live and raise children with an active addict. Sadly, he isn't sounding like someone clean nor someone seeking recovery.

I will keep you and your children in my prayers.

Hugs