When can you start 12 steps?
 

While my husband was in rehab, I took the advice of members of this forum and became active in my own recovery, learning about codependency and working the 12 steps. My husband has now returned and I asked him if he did the steps at his rehab, and he said that they advised strongly against doing them right away. He said they were told to wait at least 3 months before attempting to do them, otherwise they wouldn't be completely honest with themselves. I'm not asking to see his steps- I'm sure there would be personal information he'd rather me not see, just as I wouldn't want to share what I'd written with him. I'm just wondering if anyone else has been told this before. It would seem to me that the sooner you do your steps, the better.

He's feeding you a bunch of hooey. Sep one is huge and without surrender, nothing else matters.

On the other hand, people do get and stay sober without 12 steps.

Time to stay in your own hula-hoop.

Both of your actions will speak louder than words.

Never heard that before - but as mentioned above - might be an area where you have to step back & not ask about "his recovery" only wait to see evidence of "his recovery"

sometimes that's a better guide anyway - actions do speak louder than words and are much safer -

keep taking care of you & focusing on your recovery - you deserve it!

pink hugs!

Okay, Outtolunch, that is the BEST image/phrase I have encountered in some time! Sorry to detract from the thread but I just had to tell you how great that little statement made me feel! I was just wallowing in my RAD's hula-hoop, contemplating a post, and now I don't need to bother anyone with it!

Knarfia, do keep at your own recovery. It will serve you well starting with the very day you wake up and keep at it. Blessings on you and your unborn child. May you find happiness and serenity far away from the man in prison.

Ultimately, it really doesn't matter. You have absolutely no control over whether what he is telling you is true or not. No control. So placing importance on it is somewhat futile.

A long time ago someone far wiser than I am told me to work the program I wish my son would.....so I've done that to the best of my ability. Not perfectly but as well as i was able at any given time. It has helped me cope with loving an addict. It has helped me keep things in perspective. It helped me stop giving my emotional and psychological health up to a very unhealthy person. It helped me stay calm at times that I would have (in the past) spiraled into orbit. It kept me from tromping outside of my hoola hoop.

This is the ESH I have to offer. Take what you need.......

gentle hugs
ke