Lottery
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
I think it's easy to believe that the amount of money that we pay for something equates to the level of it's value. In recovery....that is really not the case.
My ex used to laugh about how when he finally got sober it was the dollar a meeting method. The 100k + that his parents spent rehabing him around the country never took. The most expensive one that he went to was a 90 day place....within a week he was back home with the crack pipe in his mouth.
When someone wants recovery the then they will get it regardless if it is 1 dollar or a million.....if they do the work.
My ex used to laugh about how when he finally got sober it was the dollar a meeting method. The 100k + that his parents spent rehabing him around the country never took. The most expensive one that he went to was a 90 day place....within a week he was back home with the crack pipe in his mouth.
When someone wants recovery the then they will get it regardless if it is 1 dollar or a million.....if they do the work.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
So many I cross paths with think MONEY would cure all their
problems and unhappiness.
It won't.
The person I cared for once told me.......if I just got ________,I'd
be able to get a FOOTHOLD and recover.....so I gave it to her.
It didn't work.At the time I was perplexed as to why.Here it was, the magic
BIG BREAK.....one that (I told myself in years gone by) I would've
KILLED for.
Cynical said it best.....>>>>>Everything I have…I’ve worked very hard for
with no strings attached, and nobody can try to take ownership in my
accomplishments.<<<<<<
Enabling is taking ownership of the destruction of the soul of another (to make
YOURSELF feel better).....it is the most SELFISH thing a person can do.Once you
become AWARE of this.....it becomes YOUR choice to continue on that selfish
path-----
.....or choose a wiser (& more beneficial to the addict) course of action.
Money isn't everything----and that isn't just a slogan.
(I would add I have had several 'rescue mutts' over my lifetime---the 'market'
said these animals were worthless---worth less than the price of the process
to put them down.To me,each was worth infinite value,brought me infinite joy,
and left me with the most profound sorrow when my time with each of them was over).
I'd pay a million bucks just to have one of them in my lap
again for just a little while.............)
problems and unhappiness.
It won't.
The person I cared for once told me.......if I just got ________,I'd
be able to get a FOOTHOLD and recover.....so I gave it to her.
It didn't work.At the time I was perplexed as to why.Here it was, the magic
BIG BREAK.....one that (I told myself in years gone by) I would've
KILLED for.
Cynical said it best.....>>>>>Everything I have…I’ve worked very hard for
with no strings attached, and nobody can try to take ownership in my
accomplishments.<<<<<<
Enabling is taking ownership of the destruction of the soul of another (to make
YOURSELF feel better).....it is the most SELFISH thing a person can do.Once you
become AWARE of this.....it becomes YOUR choice to continue on that selfish
path-----
.....or choose a wiser (& more beneficial to the addict) course of action.
Money isn't everything----and that isn't just a slogan.
(I would add I have had several 'rescue mutts' over my lifetime---the 'market'
said these animals were worthless---worth less than the price of the process
to put them down.To me,each was worth infinite value,brought me infinite joy,
and left me with the most profound sorrow when my time with each of them was over).
I'd pay a million bucks just to have one of them in my lap
again for just a little while.............)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by kthopkt 
But what if a person truly wants recovery but finds nothing but heart ache in their sobriety because they have health problems & no insurance, they need a job but have felonies & no high school diploma or drivers license, they need a place to live but no income, etc.
I just feel that if I had money, I could help my brother more easily if he gets to the point he wants it.
I know he has to pursue sobriety on his own, I get that, but that is only the tip of the iceberg. For him to remain in recovery he needs support & guidance. He needs to completely re-learn how to live. Money can purchase the necessities he needs.
I just feel that if I had money, I could help my brother more easily if he gets to the point he wants it.
I know he has to pursue sobriety on his own, I get that, but that is only the tip of the iceberg. For him to remain in recovery he needs support & guidance. He needs to completely re-learn how to live. Money can purchase the necessities he needs.
There is no doubt that if love could cure addiction, there would be far fewer addicts in this world than there are.
Keep thinking good thoughts for your brother. He will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by Vale
(I would add I have had several 'rescue mutts' over my lifetime---the 'market'
said these animals were worthless---worth less than the price of the process
to put them down.To me,each was worth infinite value,brought me infinite joy,
and left me with the most profound sorrow when my time with each of them was over).
said these animals were worthless---worth less than the price of the process
to put them down.To me,each was worth infinite value,brought me infinite joy,
and left me with the most profound sorrow when my time with each of them was over).
So true and well said, Vale. Have you seen the bumper sticker that says, "Who rescued who?" next to a picture of a pup? I think there's some truth to that, at least in the case of my family, lol.
Sorry for hijacking here folks. Continue on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Savannah
Posts: 190
I think I finally get it...my brother has to figure this mess out on his own. Thank you for all the comments. When I first read them, they made me angry; I felt like no one was understanding what I was saying. But after sleeping on it, I FINALLY get it. Just letting go is the hardest thing I have done in 17 years. The support on this forum has helped me more than anything else has ever done! Everyone's message: If he is ever going to be successful at recovery he has to do it alone so that he can gain the self respect he needs. Thanks for the wake up call.
Before our mother died, she said that the only thing she was going to leave me was my brother. It was an inside joke on our part. Any how, when she did die 3 years ago, I literally felt like he was now my responsibility & that has been the hardest issue to work through.
He is NOT my responsibility & all that I can offer him is love. I will repeat this everyday from now on.
Before our mother died, she said that the only thing she was going to leave me was my brother. It was an inside joke on our part. Any how, when she did die 3 years ago, I literally felt like he was now my responsibility & that has been the hardest issue to work through.
He is NOT my responsibility & all that I can offer him is love. I will repeat this everyday from now on.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
When I was using drugs, my brother said something to me that stuck with me and helped inspire me when I was finally ready to recover:
Something like this:
Kate, I love you. I hate to see you suffuer but you are so strong and you come from a strong line of survivors. It's in your genes. The Irish have been beaten down by the English for a thousand years but they never allowed them to win. I know you have the strength inside you to do whatever you put your mind too. I love you. I have faith you are going to get through this.
Something like this:
Kate, I love you. I hate to see you suffuer but you are so strong and you come from a strong line of survivors. It's in your genes. The Irish have been beaten down by the English for a thousand years but they never allowed them to win. I know you have the strength inside you to do whatever you put your mind too. I love you. I have faith you are going to get through this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
That's ^ almost verbatim what I said to my daughter. One of her aunts (my sil) also said something like that to her, and she didn't even know it was addiction that was bringing her down.
I realized that she needs to be reminded every now and then how strong she is. In turn, I realized I needed the same reminder.
Thank you, kitty, for reminding me today
I realized that she needs to be reminded every now and then how strong she is. In turn, I realized I needed the same reminder.
Thank you, kitty, for reminding me today
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Originally Posted by kthopkt
I think I finally get it...my brother has to figure this mess out on his own. Thank you for all the comments. When I first read them, they made me angry; I felt like no one was understanding what I was saying. But after sleeping on it, I FINALLY get it. Just letting go is the hardest thing I have done in 17 years. The support on this forum has helped me more than anything else has ever done! Everyone's message: If he is ever going to be successful at recovery he has to do it alone so that he can gain the self respect he needs. Thanks for the wake up call.
Before our mother died, she said that the only thing she was going to leave me was my brother. It was an inside joke on our part. Any how, when she did die 3 years ago, I literally felt like he was now my responsibility & that has been the hardest issue to work through.
He is NOT my responsibility & all that I can offer him is love. I will repeat this everyday from now on.
Before our mother died, she said that the only thing she was going to leave me was my brother. It was an inside joke on our part. Any how, when she did die 3 years ago, I literally felt like he was now my responsibility & that has been the hardest issue to work through.
He is NOT my responsibility & all that I can offer him is love. I will repeat this everyday from now on.
kthopkt,
It made ME angry too....when I first came to SR.Something along the line
of "You all are just a bunch of losers.She's special.And I'm not a quitter".
What you are quitting when you separate from the addict is the act of adding fuel to the fire that is destroying them.
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