jewel14

I am now in day 5 of what is a horrible situation... My ex seems or seemed to be doing better. Although missed 3 last group meetings (is seeing dr for suboxone treatment) not sure if he is even going to dr or not. Money is always an issue owes a lot again in support. Anyway in late fall when seemed like things were looking up we started doing more together and with our daughter. I have pulled back due to my lack of respect for the fact that he is so behind in support has a lot of extra time and is doing nothing to get more work.. My son who is not his doesn't want us together as he has seen and been through hell the past few years and I can't let go of all of the past. I hear how he is w daughter when I am not around compared to when I am and I feel like he is partially putting on a show to get back with me. Now that I am trying to back away from a door I opened. The rollercoaster is here... I feel like its my fault and yet how can I keep going down a road when red flags are popping up... and WHY haven't i learned from the past few years wth is WRONG with me! Now I get a mix of I just started war, to he wont live through this to he's going to do the right thing for himself but again this am was arguing.... HOW do i fix this?

cece1960

You can't fix it Jewel.
You can, however, step away at any time and concentrate on a nice life for you and your children.

He's an ex, correct?

lauren

i"m not sure how old your son is yet it appears he is not emotionally
involved with you ex. Listen to your son..he is telling you that he
wants you as the responsible parent and all those feelings that you
are giving to someone who isn't there is wanting by someone who is
there....your son.

lauren

jewel14

Yes he is an ex.. That is exactly what I am trying to do. I realize now that I must be codependant and am trying to work on me and the kids. I don't want to hurt him but realized I just can't move foward with him I feel horrible for any hurt I may have caused him but then I think about what I mentioned above and wonder how much he really has changed anyway.. buttom line is I just can't look past the past and move forward in a realtionship. He has nothing is beyond fixing and maybe I am wrong but sometimes I think there is so much damage done to all of us not just me that it is not possible.
I can understand he is upset with me right now but is saying things like I just started war and everyday I am going to know how much I hurt him etc.. (who does that) no matter what me and my kids have been put through and believe me I could write a book at this point as I am sure many of us here could I would never say anything like that.

jewel14

My son is 16 and he unfortunately has had to deal with his own fathers problems.. His own dad is an Alcohlic and has pretty much only been involved with his life through his grandmother. (wonderful woman).. We all did our best while he was growing up to shelter him from the realities and did a very good job until he was old enough to start figuring things out for himself. then we all had to talk to him.. all in all considering he is the most wonderful child and I am truly blessed to have such a good kid... He reminded me the other night how wonderful I made his life and that I didn't need some guy especially one who had done the things my ex had to make it all better and that his sister will be ok if I am a strong mom like I was for him and caving (to complete a family) isn't necc the right thing to do

dollydo

Your children should be your priorty, not your ex. A 16 year old should not be exposed to addiction, it is your responsibility as a parent to do the right things for your children, set a good example.

Go no contact with your ex and move on...he is your ex...E X P A N D on it.

lightseeker

Your son is very wise and I hope that you listen to him. I continue to pay the price with my sons due to the exposure they had to their step dad.

I agree, his sister will be just fine. Better to have a healthy mom in a single parent household than an "intact" family that is actually pretty fractured.