We can Trust Ourselves
 

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

We can Trust Ourselves

For many of us, the issue is not whether we can trust another person again; it's whether we can trust our own judgment again.

"The last mistake I made almost cost me my sanity," said one recovering woman who married a sex addict. "I can't afford to make another mistake like that."

Many of us have trusted people, who went on to deceive, abuse, manipulate, or otherwise exploit us because we trusted them. We may have found these people charming, kind, and decent. There may have been a small voice that said, "No - something's wrong." Or we may have been comfortable with trusting that person and shocked when we found our instincts were wrong.

The issue may then reverberate through our life for years. Our trust in others may have been shaken, but our trust in ourselves may have been shattered worse.

How could something feel so right, flow so well, and be such a total mistake? We may wonder. How can I ever trust my selection process again, when it showed itself to be so faulty?

We may never have the answers. I believe I needed to make certain "mistakes" to learn critical lessons I'm not certain I would have otherwise learned. We cannot let our past interfere with our ability to trust ourselves. We cannot afford to function with fear.

If we are always making the wrong decision in business or in love, we may need to learn why we insist on defeating ourselves.

But most of us do improve. We learn. We grow from our mistakes. Slowly, in increments, our relationships improve. Our business choices improve. Our decisions about how to handle situations with friends or children improve. We benefit from our mistakes. We benefit from our past. And if we have made mistakes, we needed to make them in order to learn along the way.

Today, I will let go of my fears about trusting myself because I have made mistakes in the past. I understand that these fears only serve to impair my judgment today. I will give my past, even my mistakes, validity by accepting and being grateful for it all. I will strive to see what I've gained from my mistakes. I will try to look at all my good decisions too. I will keep a watchful eye for improvement, for overall progress, in my life.

I feel so blessed that Melody Beattie took time to share her personal ESH. So many of her daily reflections really resonate with me.

I admire her humility, her ability to grow, learn and share.

LMN,
Thank YOU for taking the time to share this. This is exactly what I needed to read this morning. Wow, couldn't have been in better timing! Thank You
~ RSK

This is a helpful reminder to me too. I have learned over time to listen, and observe actions, and then decide what is real and what is my own distortion to what I want real to be.

I have learned to watch for red flags...the biggest red flag is when my instinct tells me to proceed with caution.

When my relationships are healthy, at work, with family and friends...then I am comfortable and inspired and feel good. When a relationship is "off", so am I and the discomfort tells me something is wrong that needs taking care of right now, something within "me" that needs changing because I can't change anyone else.

I needed this today, thanks.

Ann, you just helped me see what one of my major red flags is thanks

LMN, thanks for sharing.

Wow! This is exactly what I needed to read this morning too! I bumped into someone I haven't seen for 10 years yesterday, someone who hurt me really badly. They automatically moved in too close and seemed eager to reconnect, and I felt like a cold and hard person because I felt like I was standing inside a fortress and couldn't get out even if I wanted to (which I didn't). It made me feel really anxious!
Reading this right now I realise that my problem was always that I always felt a greater need to look after another's feelings no matter if they'd hurt me or not, and to hide the hurt. That's what got me into a lot of trouble back then and I felt out of control in my life - I had no place to stand of my own.
It's true we can't control anyone else in our life, but we can control who's in it! I don't know why it took me to long to get that!
Maybe that fortress feeling was a timely reminder that, even though it's still uncomfortable for me at times, the work I've been doing is good! I have no wish or want to return to the "good old days" )-:
Maybe I will be able to trust my own perceptions these days and not feel bad about the little voice telling me that something is up here. I need to respect that voice, and my own self too.
Thank you xx

================================================== ========
The whole thing was a red flag,Ann.

(a red flag dipped in redder paint and then
rolled in fluorescent red sparkles while still
tacky)

.....and I knew it on day 1.

My color vision is fine.What's your prescription for stupid?

>>>>>We cannot afford to function with fear<<<<<

I thank you for that nugget of wisdom,LMN.