bunkie65

Hi, I would like to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

Have a situation; need some clairity and some wisdom about this! My ex "borrowed" some things from my garage this summer. A brand new ladder, orange out door extention cords, shop vac, step ladder and a couple radios. I knew he had them and have asked for them since mid september. We did try to reunite this spring/summer, and i thought he was or had his using under control.... yeah i know what the hell was i thinking???? I know better, however I wanted what I wanted and was not willing to accept Gods will, I wanted mine..... Recent reality check! He is still in his active addiction. He tried to "control" his use and really I did not think he was using at first. But it only took a short time and I was hooked and could not see the forrest for the trees.... and wanted our family back together so badly and our youngest son missed him so much, as it had been almost 6 years since he spent any real time around his father. Hence my fog settled in and my will..... His use became obvious when he started making money... imagine that!

Needless to say it only took me a few weeks to say Bye! Now fast forward and its November 21 and he still has my stuff. After several attempts to get it and he even offered to bring it by. Nothing? I really have not pressed the issue until this past week cause I need my cords for my christmas lights and I dont have the money to buy more!

I feel like this is a power/control thing with him? Today I told him I would be by around 530pm to get and listed my things he has. His response was dont demand sh*& when its convient for you and I may not be home.

I never got my stuff and he never answered me back when I told him to drink a nice big glass of shut the heck up and that there was no convience here in fact quite the contrary its been a huge inconvience. He replies keep running your lips. Of course I "danced" with him for a moment, I felt like I was not taking his crap today and dang it this should not be so freaking difficult. I told him I dont want to argue or bicker and this is a simple process and a few days ago it was not a problem when you were going to drop it off, which he never did. So whats the problem now? I never heard back not a word. I could not get the truck from my sister anyway at 530 like she said I could.... so now what??????

Do I tell him I will file a police report of stolen property? Is that me trying to control? That seems so drastic and crazy. Do I count my losses? Iam I just creating chaos? I really dont think so. Im trying so hard to examine my motives and really do what I need to do. I just want my stuff back and be done with it. Why is this such a freaking issue? I really think this is a way for him to think he is in control??? I would really appreciate any advise, suggestion, comments... Thanks guys! I really appreciate each and everyone of you!

soberwife2012

happy thanksgiving to you and your family! one thing i would like to ask is ...is the stuff worth the drama? you can file a police report but might make it easier is just to have a police officer call him to see if the ex would be willing to return the items. it worked for me.

good luck but sometime less drama is worth you peace of mind

suki44883

Only you can decide whether these things are worth going to the police over. If you think they are, then do it. Otherwise, it may be better to just make sure he cannot enter your garage again and take the loss.

EnglishGarden

I, personally, will avoid any power struggle with any addict, as I believe the addict is invigorated by the contest and, in my experience, it is like trying to negotiate with a scorpion. The only thing I ever would fight for was my child's safety. The addict could drive away with more money, more stuff, more puff. As long as my child and I were safe and he was gone, I felt I'd won.

hello-kitty

Is your stuff worth your sanity or would your time be better spent focusing on yourself, your children. And building a future without him?

Katiekate

It makes him feel some power to have something you want, and he uses it to keep you in the loop.

Let it go, it's not worth it, everytime you bring it to him it opens the door for more frustration for you and more acting out for him.

In the end you are upset and he feels he has won.

dollydo

I would say that the stuff is long gone, addicts sell and pawn anything & everything to get their DOC. He is playing you, go no contact and write the stuff off to the bad decision account.

Be thankful, it could have been much worse.

JMFburns

I agree that the stuff is most likely LONG gone.

I remained in the dance w/my son for so long because I kept believing the crazy stories/lies that I thought I had to believe. "I'll repay you at the end of the week . . . hold the check til (whatever) then it will be good to deposit . . . let me take your computer to "fix" it . . . " they were all tools to get money or goods from me that were never repaid or returned.

I know how hard it is, you may not have the money to replace the electric cords before Christmas, but cut your losses and move on. Look at the second hand stores or borrow cords from (a reputable) friend or family member.

Good Luck.

bunkie65

Thanks all! I appreciate your thoughts and insight! Im trying not to hold onto any anger cause I know it will only destroy me and will come out in other ways to those around me! Just trying to put it behind me and not dwell on it. Im powerless over getting my things and I could file a report, which will create even more unnecessary crap in my life! My sister is a cop and I did not mention he has a flood light too and that was hers! She may take her own action to get her light back? That's on her! She did mention she may! Part of me feels like that filing a report would be a consequence of his lack of action, then I feel like it may be me and my "controlling" side that wants to "show him" and teach him a lesson! I will continue to pray about it and examine my motives to make the best and right decision! At least I have the awareness to stop and think about it! And a recovery program that can guide me in being a healthier me with how I live and make choices about what is good for me! Even though there's a unhealthy part of the "old" me that wants to manipulate him to doing what I want. Classic example of the insanity of addiction and codependency! Thank God my daily life is not this kinda stuff! Thank God for recovery! Thank God for a willingness to want his will for my life and the power to carry that out! If not for my recovery I would be enraged and ranting and sending horriable insulting degrading text messages/voicemails to him! Thank God I have places to go to sort it out and process and listen to other people share their experience! Not always as easy to do the right thing and even sometimes figure it out! But I have a program and I have the serenity in my life everyday and no one can take that from me if I don't let them! Thanks again!