Married to a struggling addict
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3
Married to a struggling addict
Hey everyone,
I've come to a crossroads. I'm married to a man that has recently relapsed. He's used everything from pot to crack. We got together 5 years ago, and have even battling his addiction for 4 of those years. I have always stood by him and helped him in any way that I could. Personally I've never done anything past smoking pot and that didn't even agree with me so I have no idea what he's truly going through. Over the past 4 years we have split a few times for short periods of time and always gotten back together. Finally he started taking action to stay clean and was on suboxone.
He was on the suboxone for 5 months then randomly stopped taking it even though we discussed it wasn't a good idea for him. He is so heavily addicted that I knew he would relapse. Sure enough he has. I've told him our relationship is pretty much over for me but I will still help him. The doctor has told him he's goi g to die and pretty much just said good luck.
Here's the biggest problem of all... I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy 2 short months ago and I am going to do whatever it takes to keep my son away from all of this.
I still love him but cannot keep doing this to myself and will not do this to my son. Should I continue to help him even though our marriage is pretty much over anyways or let him figure it out? Either way my son will not be involved or around his father during this battle.
....opinions or advice anyone?
I've come to a crossroads. I'm married to a man that has recently relapsed. He's used everything from pot to crack. We got together 5 years ago, and have even battling his addiction for 4 of those years. I have always stood by him and helped him in any way that I could. Personally I've never done anything past smoking pot and that didn't even agree with me so I have no idea what he's truly going through. Over the past 4 years we have split a few times for short periods of time and always gotten back together. Finally he started taking action to stay clean and was on suboxone.
He was on the suboxone for 5 months then randomly stopped taking it even though we discussed it wasn't a good idea for him. He is so heavily addicted that I knew he would relapse. Sure enough he has. I've told him our relationship is pretty much over for me but I will still help him. The doctor has told him he's goi g to die and pretty much just said good luck.
Here's the biggest problem of all... I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy 2 short months ago and I am going to do whatever it takes to keep my son away from all of this.
I still love him but cannot keep doing this to myself and will not do this to my son. Should I continue to help him even though our marriage is pretty much over anyways or let him figure it out? Either way my son will not be involved or around his father during this battle.
....opinions or advice anyone?
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
Originally Posted by Manamac 
Hey everyone,
I've come to a crossroads. I'm married to a man that has recently relapsed. He's used everything from pot to crack. We got together 5 years ago, and have even battling his addiction for 4 of those years. I have always stood by him and helped him in any way that I could. Personally I've never done anything past smoking pot and that didn't even agree with me so I have no idea what he's truly going through. Over the past 4 years we have split a few times for short periods of time and always gotten back together. Finally he started taking action to stay clean and was on suboxone.
He was on the suboxone for 5 months then randomly stopped taking it even though we discussed it wasn't a good idea for him. He is so heavily addicted that I knew he would relapse. Sure enough he has. I've told him our relationship is pretty much over for me but I will still help him. The doctor has told him he's goi g to die and pretty much just said good luck.
Here's the biggest problem of all... I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy 2 short months ago and I am going to do whatever it takes to keep my son away from all of this.
I still love him but cannot keep doing this to myself and will not do this to my son. Should I continue to help him even though our marriage is pretty much over anyways or let him figure it out? Either way my son will not be involved or around his father during this battle.
....opinions or advice anyone?
I've come to a crossroads. I'm married to a man that has recently relapsed. He's used everything from pot to crack. We got together 5 years ago, and have even battling his addiction for 4 of those years. I have always stood by him and helped him in any way that I could. Personally I've never done anything past smoking pot and that didn't even agree with me so I have no idea what he's truly going through. Over the past 4 years we have split a few times for short periods of time and always gotten back together. Finally he started taking action to stay clean and was on suboxone.
He was on the suboxone for 5 months then randomly stopped taking it even though we discussed it wasn't a good idea for him. He is so heavily addicted that I knew he would relapse. Sure enough he has. I've told him our relationship is pretty much over for me but I will still help him. The doctor has told him he's goi g to die and pretty much just said good luck.
Here's the biggest problem of all... I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy 2 short months ago and I am going to do whatever it takes to keep my son away from all of this.
I still love him but cannot keep doing this to myself and will not do this to my son. Should I continue to help him even though our marriage is pretty much over anyways or let him figure it out? Either way my son will not be involved or around his father during this battle.
....opinions or advice anyone?
You cant help him.. believe me, i've tried every which way to help my STXAH to get clean and nothing has worked..
The best thing for you to do is to focus on whats best for you and your son.. the two of you are your number one priority.. Let your husband figure things out for himself..
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Welcome to SR but I am sorry for what brings you here.
I hope you read the stickies at the top of the page for information. The collective wisdom here has taught me so much.
We didn't cause it, We can't control it, and we can't cure it. It's all on him! He has to want it and work for it. Keep working on you and protecting your baby is a great start.
When or if he is ready, he will find his own solutions. Let go and let God!!
I hope you read the stickies at the top of the page for information. The collective wisdom here has taught me so much.
We didn't cause it, We can't control it, and we can't cure it. It's all on him! He has to want it and work for it. Keep working on you and protecting your baby is a great start.
When or if he is ready, he will find his own solutions. Let go and let God!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 115
I read a post on the addicts forum saying that not only do they have to want recovery but they have to fight for it. No matter how much you want them to recover it's their fight and theirs alone babes. It's not your fight hun. You have done enough, it's all up to him. And you have enough on your plate with that tiny baby to take care of.
Take care of yourself and your babies darlin, he's a grown man and has to take care of himself. Big hugs.
Take care of yourself and your babies darlin, he's a grown man and has to take care of himself. Big hugs.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3
Well, he went to detox and checked himself out after a whole 12 hours....as unfortunate as it is I'm just going to have to stay strong and stand my ground on this. Thank you everyone for the advice and support, it truly does help
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
I'm sorry that you are going through this but everyone is right...you can't cure this and you didn't cause it. One thing that helped me to realize was that no one is asking you not to love him....it's just a matter of how close you want to stand to the fire.
I'm glad that you are putting your son first and doing what is right for him. Not only does he not need to be exposed to addiction but he deserves a mom that is not distracted, anxious, upset, etc. a lot of the time.
Hang time....there is a lot of wisdom and support around here...I hope that you will keep coming back.
I'm glad that you are putting your son first and doing what is right for him. Not only does he not need to be exposed to addiction but he deserves a mom that is not distracted, anxious, upset, etc. a lot of the time.
Hang time....there is a lot of wisdom and support around here...I hope that you will keep coming back.
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