Hi, redatlanta
thanks so much for your reply.
Wow, it sounds like you've been through a lot with your AH. Your situation is very similar to mine, except my AB hasn't od'd--- yet. I know that he does not take the pills orally. They come in capsules, he opens them and crushes the white beads & then snorts them. I'm guessing this is probably more dangerous. You describe the "nods" which I believe I've seen a few times. It's hard for me to tell he's on them. His eyes are so dark brown almost black so I can never see his pupils unless the light is right. He drinks about 6 beers a day, all the while going to the bathroom to snort more hydromorph. I know how bad and how dangerous it is for him to be mixing such strong painkillers with alcohol. It never really seems to have any affect on him though. He never acts drunk, incoherent or has trouble speaking. He seems normal. Just that his inner "light" is gone. His "self". He is just neutral all the time. Spends a lot of time playing video games. Our sex life has definitely taken a big hit because of this too. Last night when I returned home after a few hours, he was sleeping on the couch. I knew he would have been doing drugs while I was gone especially. I couldn't get him to wake up. He was passed right out. I could see white powder residue inside his nostrils. I freaked out thy he overdosed so i kept by him for a while but his skin was warm and his breathing normal. Still a scare though.
About a month and a half ago, He was smoking fentanyl for a little while. I caught him and kind of lost it because that's one drug I know you can't f*** around with. He says that it freaked him out and he isn't going to do it ever again. The patches are definitely not readily available to him. He said he came across someone who had them and tried it because it was something he'd never done. Said "but I don't like the way it makes me feel". I have a feeling it's bs. Im not sure if he's even snorting these pills to get high anymore or if its just to keep himself feeling "normal". He's told me his tolerance is high. He genuinely seems like he wants to get off these drugs, I feel he is just too afraid to experience the WDs. He also has warrants for his arrest for missing a court date and so because he is now wanted, i dont think he would want to have anything to do with going to detox or the hospital. It's silly and it's something I'm still trying to convince him otherwise.
He wants to try and quit at home. He's intent on it. I don't think it's going to work.
Meanwhile. I'm working on trying to get my head out of his addiction ad back into my own life. Constantly worrying about his is so draining. I started reading codependent no more and I have a counseling session this evening. Thanks for the well wishes, I hope I can find some clarity.

As stated a couple times above, no matter what he is abusing, addiction affects everyone the addict knows. Addiction is a progressive disease, first you take the drugs orally, then you sniff them, and then you inject them. As his tolerance grows he will continue to chase the high.

I'm really happy to see that you are reading material for you and have a counseling session planned. There is nothing you can do to help him, you can only help yourself. He has a warrent out and he is an active drug user, is this the type of life you want for yourself? If the police were to come to your house to arrest him and if they find his drugs you could be arrested along with him.

I hope you continue to work on putting yourself first. You deserve to be happy and in order to be happy you need to realize that his drug addiction isn't your problem and that there is nothing you can do about it/for him. All you can do is work on getting yourself to a healthy mind set :)

Keep reading and posting!

hugs

Maylie

Klonopin when properly prescribed is great for anxiety. It is long acting & one of the stronger benzo type drugs. The problem is addict will chew them or mix them with booze/pain meds and get higher than a kite.

MKR - I don't know how it is there in Canada but here (at least in my state) the courts to recognize addiction as a disease and are quite lenient with those who want or are trying to get clean (which would also be applicable to what they were charged with I don't imagine leniency with some charges).

As he just missed a Court date entering into a detox facility would HELP HIM with this issue.

Imagine what it would be like should he get arrested and forced into detox in jail - oh boy. That could be not only bad but really dangerous.

Perhaps you can bring that up to him - although like many his seeming to want to get off the drugs could be simple quacking.

Stopping at home = really bad idea. Really bad. Detox in a hospital or facility doesn't mean laying in a room in the corner in severe withdrawal waiting it out (that's the jail/home version). They use medications to help the withdrawal symptoms and to monitor the patient. Perhaps suggestion of this to BF? I would say look yourself at facilities but I am not sure if this would be consider codie behavior. I suppose if he was serious about it and willing to go I would help him otherwise no point in wasting time.

Been there and done that listening to AH breathe. Have on several occasions back in those days been almost about to call 911 - should I should't I should I shouldn't I. No ma'am never again - I have a ways to go with healing my codependent nature (thanks al anon and SR) but I will NEVER live like that again.