jerect

I know I'm doing the right thing with divorcing my AH.. I'm not second guessing that decision at all.. I do feel really bad though that I'm doing it during the holidays.. forcing him out during "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year". I'm sure his family must think that I'm heartless.. I know STBXAH does because he told me so himself this morning when I tried to discuss his plans for leaving my house ASAP..

I know that there is no really good time of year to divorce someone, dragging it out would have just prolonged the pain. My final straw was when he grabbed my arm and shoved me out of his bedroom last week when I came home and caught him smoking God only knows what.. he laid his hands on me.. THE END!!! course today, he claims he never touched me.. I know, I know, he's an addict in denial..

I just need to stop feeling bad. He has a family that can offer support to him, a family that is in denial about his drug use but they are his family just the same. I know that he is going to spiral out of control once he leaves my house, though I guess when you think about it he has already spiraled out of control..

Ugh, sorry for the ramble.. guess I just needed to write it all out...

Impurrfect

((jerect)) - I do understand the feeling bad part, but you really have nothing to feel bad about. Though you have filed for divorce and he has to leave, it's STILL his actions that brought this about. He's had plenty of warnings, time to get his **** together, but he chose not to.

Maybe focus on how HE has made the decision to leave the marriage with his actions, and you are just giving him the dignity to live with the consequences of those actions.

You're right that there is no good time, but if it weren't Christmas, he would probably whine about something else coming up and it's not a good time. He's not getting his way and he's going to blame it on everyone but himself.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

interrupted

If his family thinks he is so easy to live with, they are more than welcome to take him back!

But seriously, it doesn't matter what they think. You know that you're doing the right thing, and trusting yourself is another healthy part of your rebirth. You're full speed ahead to a brighter future.

oh2exhale

so, when is a "good" time to stop tolerating abuse? When is it a good time to start taking care of self? I say, "no time like the present!" - I like the following: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that is why its called "the present".

LoveMeNow

It's really the best gift you can give him. Letting go and giving him over to God.

It's also the best gift you can give yourself. Recovery with God's grace.

BeavsDad

awesome

GardenMama

Yes, Full Speed Ahead!

You know in your heart you are doing the right thing for yourself and your future. No violence there, no drug addicts, no other related agonies. It is a gift indeed. If it helps, just remember all the other spouses who have had to do this, who've gone before you, who live happier lives now. Imagine the throngs of them/us around you when you feel isolated and question your own smart decisions.

Take care.

Ann

It's never pretty, it always brings sadness and fear to one or the other or both parties involved...but it's still the right thing to do.

Sometimes in life we have to make some hard choices. Leaving abuse, which you should think would be easy, is hard as well. It takes courage to leave, and faith and support.

You can do this, Jerect, and we're walking with you.

Hugs

Rosiepetal

Don't think of him honey, think of yourself.
You are making a healthy choice for yourself & only good things will come of it.

eveleivibe

Please do mot feel bad. There is never a good time to end a relationship but if it is no longer working n he is being physically abusive then you are doing the right thing. You deserve to be happy n as you say he has family to support him.
Take care n try to enjoy the holiday the best you can with all this going on xxx

Freedom1990

Dear, you can start new holiday traditions with yourself and your four-legged companion!

My zoo crew is my second set of "kids" and have pulled me through some pretty tough times.

As for the soon to be ex, you are giving him an incredible gift...the gift of dignity to live his life as he sees fit. I know it doesn't feel that way right now.

Thank God for everyone who walked out of my life because I eventually hit bottom and embraced recovery whole-heartedly!

Sending you hugs of support from Kansas.

hello-kitty

Fantastic idea. Have you thought about treating yourself to a "retreat" where you can regroup and think about what you want to do next year? I'm thinking a warm beach or a snowy mountain. Just you. Where you can spend sometime working on you and focusing on your future, your values, your goals, and setting some personal boundaries so that you NEVER go through this again.

Congratulations by the way. I found my divorce to be very anticlimatic. Especially compared to all the drama, pain and hurt that I had put myself through trying to avoid it.

supportforme

Jerect - I know this is hard but you are truly giving yourself and him the greatest gift for the holidays. I know I stayed many years by rationalizing, how can I do this for the holidays, vacation, child's birthday, etc. the list goes on and on. My xAH never touched me but that final day he became agressive with me and told me I would be sorry and his behavior was extremely bizare. That was enough for me to go full steam ahead. This never happened before but as we know it is a progressive disease. On top of his DUI the officers advised me to press charges and put a TRO - I did. He was served while he was in the ER b/c he had chest pain in jail. His family, of course thinks I'm a horrible monster. I know I did what I did to save myself. Step back, breath. Allow yourself the gift of a full and wonderful life. Not one of lies, manipulation and chaos. You are strong and we are right here with you.

Tarot

He would likely ruin your Christmas anyway.....you wouldn't be feeling so sorry for him then! Chin up babes stay strong x

Vale

you are so brave.we all honor that which is
within you.... that brought you to this
point of self discovery. that you choose now
to say "I won't be mistreated anymore--- I
deserve to be treated with dignity and respect"
is as heartwarming as it is uplifting.
SR is virtual.The honor we all feel to
witness it......is real.