Maggiemac

Well it has come again this year. 4years since my boy died of overdose. This is the black time in my life feels as if was just yesterday and at times it seems like a hundred years ago. Tears well up in my eyes just hearing his name. I still look at his picture asking him why Jason why. I read here everyone trying to understand this illness just as I did 4 years ago. Some times I think maybe I would rather be fighting this illness with him instead of him being dead. Time does not heal all wounds the wound in my heart is still as fresh as the day my boy died.
I will make it another Thanksgiveing and Christmas just as I did last year but the dark cloud hanging over my head is still their. I will put on the smilling face for all to see but hurting inside more than anyone can know. Only a mother with a dead child knows how hard it is. Weather it is the only child or one of many the hurt is the same. Ifeel like going to bed and not getting up untill the holidays are over. So to all who are fighting this terrible illness good luck and be glad you can at least see the face of your loved one.
Your friend
Maggiemac

LoveMeNow

I am so sorry for your pain. I pray you find some comfort in knowing that your precious son is home with God and free of all his pain. That is my belief anyway!

Thepatman

Maggiemac I am touched and feel sad for you. I could never want to live trough such.

My son is 6. One of the reason for my resolve is him. I want him to have a father for as long as possible. I cannot continue on my Destruction path.

Blessings

Ilovemysonjj

Dearest Maggie, my heart aches for your precious loss. I have a son who is 22 and serving time in jail due to his addiction. He went missing for almost 4 months and I did not know if he was alive or dead. I understand that emptiness and trying to put on the happy face while you are slowly suffering and miserable on the inside. I have faith and believe that your son knows how much you love him and I pray you feel the presence of his love today and every day.
Hugs and prayers,
Teresa

chicory

Maggiemac,

As a mother, I can imagine the terrible hurt in your heart, and I know it is the worst pain imaginable. I know it must be so hard especially at holidays, with everyone feeling happy, and planning get togethers. My heart hurts for you, and for your great loss of your son.

Perhaps it might be good for you to ask yourself what your son would want for you , during this time. I am sure that as much as you love him, he loved you as well, and would want his momma to be able to find peace somehow. I am sure he stays as close to you during these times especially.

I understand how you feel, about wondering which is worse. losing them or watching them during their addiction struggle. There is no good choice, but your dear son is at peace, not struggling or suffering, but in God's arms, where we will meet again some day.

my thoughts are with you Maggiemac.

EJG123

Maggie-Do you have someone that can give you a little extra support this time of year? Maybe you could come up with a positive thing to do in your son's memory each year this time. Know that your heart doesn't ache alone. There are lots of us that hurt but put on a brave face as needed. Wishing you some peace.

supportforme

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine your pain. You and your family are in my prayers.

cangel2

Hugs to you at this time from another Mom! There is nothing I can say to make this make sense or make you feel better. So I offer you understanding, care and acceptance.

I wish you more healing in the year to come.

milo88

(((Maggiemac))) I know the pain of losing a loved one to addiction, although he was not my child but my partner. It feels like yesterday and a hundred years ago to me too, so much has changed. And I know what you mean about sometimes wishing you were still fighting the illness with him )-:
I'm having a bad day today too. 3 1/2 years but I am still getting used to this new world without him.
I hope they have peace where they go. I hope we do too one day xxx