Drug Testing?
 

If my 23 year old AD just moved back into our home, do we have the right to give her a drug test if we suspect that she is using? And should she follow our rules or be asked to leave? Just looking for some advice.

It's your house. If she doesn't like your conditions, she's free to leave.

My ABF is living at his parents and is subjected to random drug testing. He also is not allowed inside the house when no one else is home. seems to be working for him.

It is recommended to write up a contract. Having it in writing with there signature is the best way, then they can never say that you never told them. List the rules but keep it simple. Then also list the consequences if a rule is broken. ** You must be willing to follow through !!!}

Yes you can also put in the drug test. But like most of us whom have done that you will soon learn the the tests get expensive. Keep in mind the consequences must follow immediately.

In my house there are three simple rules 1)No drugs or paraphernalia of any kind. 2)Help do choirs around the house (cleaning, laundry, cooking, dishes, mowing lawn, etc.) 3)Have a job and pay rent of 100 a week.
Breaking any of the rules you are out of the house by sundown.
Keep in mind I have been dealing with my 2 AS's for 15 years, at this time only one is staying with us.

Everyone has there own list, and there own way to keep harmony in the house so keep it simple and you can talk other issues out as they come up.

Hope this gives you some insight from someone that has had a lot of trial and errors before finding something that works. To each there own, though what works for one might not work for you.

Be well,

No, no, no … no contract, no drug testing. To sick, twisted and icky I find…
And really do you need a drug test to know that she is using?
Do you think a contract will stop her from?
Both are so wrapped in control, in an I’m going to find the lie…allow her to find the lies she is telling herself, it only works that way.

Look if you let someone you know is an addict in your home, then you have an addict in your home. If you are stolen from, have chaos running rampant, well on you not her, you let her in.

Can you let her be, have clear and concise boundaries that you communicate and talk to her about….especially your why’s behind them and those why’s better have nothing to do with her any attempt to save her from herself, or be something she can’t be now. I find it important to speak openly about everything. And I did just that with my son. I had very simple boundaries that made sense. I also had the no drugs in my home thing going on but I wasn’t so naïve to think that meant he wouldn’t use … I do believe he respected my wishes of no drugs in the home…other than that well I wasn’t really seeing recovery…

If you don’t want drug use in your home, then you really can’t have an addict in it. If you want to give her a chance, get yourself healthy, give her that gift … don’t enable her and allow her to find her way in it all. She can and is very capable of it if she is allowed to own her addiction and run it out her way. If you are extending her a place to live, then keep it as extending her a place to live, from there the second she is in your home, well as I said above, if you let an addict in your home…

No drug testing her is just controlling

I honestly do not think ppl get it. Addicts were obviously hurt in the first place to go to such self-destructing measures.

If shes in recovery well done to her. She's going to need SUPPORT not treating like a child or control.

Set boundaries n be supportive.

I agree, drug testing is degrading to the person being tested and to the person testing because they can be faked and are only good for that moment.

My rule was that it is my home, my safety zone and that if I even suspect anyone is using drugs they must leave. The onus is on them to stay clean and behave as a clean person should behave.

I also had a curfew of 11 pm, because MY sleep depended on everyone being home. My son was a grown man and felt he was too old for a curfew...I told him I didn't care, he could follow my rules in my home or live as he likes any place else.

There were more rules, more agreements, but in the end it never worked out, not once. He moved home many times and each time I thought it would be different...it never was.

That is not to say your child won't respect your rules and behave well. I pray your child stays on a good path. My point in saying what I said is to let you know that if this all goes south, it's not your fault, and that it's your home and you can have any rules you like.

Hugs

I wouldn't go with testing- if an addict is using then they can easily find ways to beat a test. I would go with her actions and how you expect her to behave in order to live in *your* home. If you suspect she is using again, then most likely she is.

My therapist told me in regards to my husband - "If you have to drug test him, then you already know the answer." She was right! Simple common sense had eluded me in my sickness to control his behavior.

Not sure I can go along with the above opinions re validity of drug testing. For those if us who have been manipulated by lies of our addict, left wondering if we would really recognize the truth if it hit us in the face, it's a tough decision. My 23 yo son did IP rehab in May, claims to be clean since then, but I always am second guessing if he's lying again. After all, I fell for it once. I don't think it's so obvious that he is using again, just some doubts in my mind, which seems likely to be doubtful given our history. I don't want to insist on a war over drug testing, but my doubts leave me enough room to not want to rock the boat if he is actually clean. And you know what, it's his job to make me trust him again thru his actions. If he hadn't been an addict, my doubts and inclinitation to test him wouldn't exist.

BTW, he is in his own apartment, trying to manage independently, but things are financially tight for him, and I'm not totally sure he isn't spending $ on pills. If he is remaining sober and is truly having problems meeting his bills because of car repair bill, other unexpected budget-blowers, as his parent, I would give him a bridge loan until he recovers. I would do that for any child of mine, at any age, provided that child is clean, sober, doing his/her best, and is just having a rough spot due to life's emergencies. However, if drugs are involved, all bets are off. So when I am considering helping my recovering (I believe) son, isn't it reasonable to be looking for some good reasons to help me decide?

Need some help on this one.

Sorry about your son xxx

I do drug testing in my job. We have to watch the urine leave the body. We do it randomly...sometimes several days in a row, sometimes not for 3 weeks. We contract with a federally recognized lab. People still try to do things to fool the tests and there are still false positives occasionally that have to be sent back to the lab for verification. We also get false negatives - people tell us they've used but it doesn't show up on the test.

Drug testing is a useful tool but it's not as straightforward as it seems. I wouldn't want to depend on it as a way to establish trust in my home.

I just think if you have to resort to drug testing should you really have them in your home?

If I had the urge to drug test someone I would take that as a sign that I am not comfortable having them in my home. When I see my sister once a year during the holidays I notice her pupils and I am always conscious of where my purse is. That's terrible - but it's a pretty good indicator that I am not comfortable enough with her to invite her into my home.

The boundaries are to protect ME - not to make her prove anything. So my comfort is paramount when it comes to my boundaries. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't even matter if she is actually high at that time or not, the mere preoccupation with such things is detrimental to my recovery, so until I am comfortable she won't be welcome in my house. I think this is why so often it makes sense to extend boundaries to "early recovery" as well as "active addition" when it comes to this scenario. And if she is in early recovery, I certainly don't want to be harassing her with all of my issues. My need to know her status at all times is MY issue, not hers.

I found drug testing to be crazy-making for me. One of my "lows" on my trip to rock bottom was sticking my fingers into my son's cup of pee after a drug test he passed because I was sure it wasn't "warm enough." (It wasn't) Imagine that - a grown woman sticking her fingers into a cup of pee, and thinking that was a sane thing to do. INSANE.

You will do whatever works for you - but for me, the best thing for my sanity was to have my son out of my house. He comes home and visits , and we are moving towards a healthy relationship. But living full time with me would not be good for his recovery...and living full time with him would not be good for mine.

That's not normal behaviour. Hope you got yourself some help.