cathy4

I'm just curious what bounderies you have all set for yourself. I find this to be the best way to deal with my codependancy but curious what others have set for themselves

outtolunch

I will not have anyone in active addiction or new to recovery in my home.

snoopy87

I do what outto lunch does. In addition, I still have some social drinking friends and I go to the movies, out to lunch, museums and such with them. If someone I know is having a celebration in their home which involves alcohol, I make sure I have a getaway plan. I try to bring a sober person with me or I tell the host beforehand that I may have to abruptly leave and not to take it personally. (may state the truth, on-call at the job, etc) Whatever my comfort level is with that person.

Lily1918

I do not help with any financial situation ever. I will not go on dutch dates. The only place he can see the children is in church every other Sunday. I do not search his belongings or phone. He may not live with me.

Tarot

I will not have him in my house if i SUSPECT he has been drinking/drugging....this illiminates the space for him to lie. Several times he has had to sleep on the streets...but that's his choice....he chose to take the drugs. And i am not having my children exposed to some one on heroin.

Ms.TimmyV

I will not tolerate being dumped on. I will not listen to people drone on and on about their problems. This is pretty big for me because I thought I had the ability to fix people's problems.

For those who don't get the hint, I just tell them truth about their situation; ie., "My mother is terrible! I can't believe she cursed out my boyfriend! I wish she would just put up with him like everyone else in the family. She's so rude." Instead of trying to "counsel" the situation, I simply come back with, "He steals your money, got you kicked out your apartment, you are now living with her with your kids, and you just brought him to a family gathering after you bailed him out of jail. What did you think was going to happen?'

A three-hour conversation has just become a five-minute conversation.

I know that sounds mean, but you have no idea how these things would suck the life out of me. I thought I was helping, but I was just stressing myself (and my family) out with the problems of other people who had no interest in their own lives.

SadHeart

No contact.

No.
Contact.

It's a miracle.

Vale

Sad heart beat me to it...........

outtolunch

I like the way you framed this.

Vale

(WOW! This one hits home....as in "Why the F am I giving more of a crap
about YOUR life than YOU do !?!?!?")

LoveMeNow

I will not live with an active addict. I will not be spoken to with an angry tone (includes all family members or anyone). I will not (or try not to) give unsolicited advise. I try to live One Day At a time. Also, I have learned....it's none of my business what you think of me. Lastly, I will define who I am, no one else will.

jerect

I will not engage with the addict in my house anymore, no more arguing, negotiating, or even speaking unless its a pleasant hello. I will allow my lawyer to take care of the negotiating if it comes to that

BeavsDad

I will not offer to help any adult that refuses to help themselves.

Maylie

I will not allow an active addict to come into my home or car.
I will not be friends with anyone that is an active addict.

hello-kitty

I will not allow people who I suspect are using drugs in my house or around my children. I will ask them to leave. If they refuse I will have them removed.

I will not allow drug paraphenalia or drugs in my house. If someone shows up with them, I will call the police.

I do not loan my car to people.

I will not accept someone disrespecting me or yelling at me. I will leave the situation.

I will not knowingly accept lies as the truth. If I feel I am being lied to, I will end the conversation.

I will walk away from fights and arguments with people who I suspect are on drugs or drunk. I will not engage.

I will not accept phone calls from someone who I suspect is using drugs. I will hang up. If they call back, I will not answer. I will turn my phone off.

I will not allow my house to be used as a flop house for people sleeping off hangovers.

I will not financially support adults who are perfectly capable of supporting themselves.

I will not clean up after adults who are perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves.

I will not allow myself to be verbally abused or hit. I will leave the situation or I will call 9-1-1.

I reserve the right to change my boundaries at anytime I see fit.

I will not expose my child to foul language.