A letter
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 81
A letter
Dear, ____
I guess it started again with that bottle of vodka that was in your purse. I was content, in some sense, being separate from you. Lonely most of the time, hardly satisfied. I was raising a toddler, working lots of hours and didn't have much of a social life. When I was told that John had beat the s*** out of you I wasn't surprised, in some ways I was happy to see that farce of a relationship ended quickly. When I picked you up from your Aunt's house I saw that bottle hidden in your purse and wanted to help. I wanted there to be a day when you didn't need that bottle in your purse anymore.
I knew you were in your drinks that week and I shamefully remember placing our child's well being aside by ignoring this. I was polite when I inspected the huge bruise on her forhead and agreed that she had innocently fell down those stairs. I ignored that whif of booze I caught off your breath and said "lets go home." A day or two of proper circumstance ensured we had a relationship again.
The next two years I ignored everyone but you.
I gave you my all to get you healthy again. Our child, our family and our friends had to be put aside because not one of them could function properly until you were better. My first priority was that bottle in your purse. I immediatly advised that you exchange it for wine on a rack. If you drink good wine, at home, it's okay. I never thought it possible to black out from wine. You're supposed to be classy and moderate consumption. I would often ignore your black outs and tell you the next morning that we both went to sleep together.
All this drinking made me forget about the drugs. They weren't there at first, but all these rules, my pinot and your merlot nights eventually invited them in. It didn't take long though. Only about a month or two from the beginning was when they showed up. You knew only wine was welcome but you invited drugs anyway and I had to kick you out, take you back, kick you out, take you back, kick you out then take you back again. It just had to happen that way.
All this back and forth made me tired which is why I suggested couples counseling. It made me feel good, to have someone who was uninvolved, who would listen to my complaints about you. Although now, I wish we hadn't lied so much during our sessions. He would've been more comfortable explaining to us that addiction was our issue if we hadn't made such an effort to avoid the topic. It would have saved me $2,000.
It really doesn't matter what he had to say because we fell in love again, and got pregnant not long after. Babies always make things better. Our older child got excited, me too, and we all read over those baby books again. After a month, some how, a glass of red wine was allowed with dinner. It then turned into a bottle.
The most vivid memory I have from that pregnancy was when I attempted to wrestle your car keys from you so you wouldn't leave me for drugs, again. I lost that bout and held back because you were in your third trimester. I'm glad you cleaned up those last two months and am happy they got that baby out of you, healthy.
I'm saddened by the fact you went right back after she was out. I didn't choose to seperate you from your children. It was a mandate
Earlier today you asked me if my anger had anything to do with you. I told you no, but that was a lie. I didn't want to upset your recovery and I'm trying to keep my anger far away from it.
I'm just glad that bottle isn't in your purse anymore.
Sincerely,
_________
I guess it started again with that bottle of vodka that was in your purse. I was content, in some sense, being separate from you. Lonely most of the time, hardly satisfied. I was raising a toddler, working lots of hours and didn't have much of a social life. When I was told that John had beat the s*** out of you I wasn't surprised, in some ways I was happy to see that farce of a relationship ended quickly. When I picked you up from your Aunt's house I saw that bottle hidden in your purse and wanted to help. I wanted there to be a day when you didn't need that bottle in your purse anymore.
I knew you were in your drinks that week and I shamefully remember placing our child's well being aside by ignoring this. I was polite when I inspected the huge bruise on her forhead and agreed that she had innocently fell down those stairs. I ignored that whif of booze I caught off your breath and said "lets go home." A day or two of proper circumstance ensured we had a relationship again.
The next two years I ignored everyone but you.
I gave you my all to get you healthy again. Our child, our family and our friends had to be put aside because not one of them could function properly until you were better. My first priority was that bottle in your purse. I immediatly advised that you exchange it for wine on a rack. If you drink good wine, at home, it's okay. I never thought it possible to black out from wine. You're supposed to be classy and moderate consumption. I would often ignore your black outs and tell you the next morning that we both went to sleep together.
All this drinking made me forget about the drugs. They weren't there at first, but all these rules, my pinot and your merlot nights eventually invited them in. It didn't take long though. Only about a month or two from the beginning was when they showed up. You knew only wine was welcome but you invited drugs anyway and I had to kick you out, take you back, kick you out, take you back, kick you out then take you back again. It just had to happen that way.
All this back and forth made me tired which is why I suggested couples counseling. It made me feel good, to have someone who was uninvolved, who would listen to my complaints about you. Although now, I wish we hadn't lied so much during our sessions. He would've been more comfortable explaining to us that addiction was our issue if we hadn't made such an effort to avoid the topic. It would have saved me $2,000.
It really doesn't matter what he had to say because we fell in love again, and got pregnant not long after. Babies always make things better. Our older child got excited, me too, and we all read over those baby books again. After a month, some how, a glass of red wine was allowed with dinner. It then turned into a bottle.
The most vivid memory I have from that pregnancy was when I attempted to wrestle your car keys from you so you wouldn't leave me for drugs, again. I lost that bout and held back because you were in your third trimester. I'm glad you cleaned up those last two months and am happy they got that baby out of you, healthy.
I'm saddened by the fact you went right back after she was out. I didn't choose to seperate you from your children. It was a mandate
Earlier today you asked me if my anger had anything to do with you. I told you no, but that was a lie. I didn't want to upset your recovery and I'm trying to keep my anger far away from it.
I'm just glad that bottle isn't in your purse anymore.
Sincerely,
_________
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Uk
Posts: 764
Off topic but is a purse, a bag in the US?
In the UK a purse is something we keep money in its strange hearing ppl mention keeping keeping things in their purse.
Drc i hope you n your childrrn are now safe n happy n that you are focus on you all being happy.
Hugs n take care xxx
In the UK a purse is something we keep money in its strange hearing ppl mention keeping keeping things in their purse.
Drc i hope you n your childrrn are now safe n happy n that you are focus on you all being happy.
Hugs n take care xxx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
