My Rock Bottom
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 76
My Rock Bottom
First - thanks to LoveMeNot for forcing me to stop and look where I have been, and where I am going. I must admit I was a bit angry at first....but I kept reading and know that I heard exactly what I needed to hear.
So now - I am proclaiming yesterday as my rock bottom....I don't care about his (AH). I can't remember feeling any lower than I did yesterday. While engaged in his insanity I made some really foolish decisions. I needed change in my life, and I changed only what I could (which was quitting my work at home job, because I can't stand to be at home) Fortunately I have a great boss who knows my situation, told me to take today and tomorrow, take care of me....and he'll talk to me on Monday.
Things I have realized...my stay at home job is not the problem, I am. I stopped getting dressed for work, I stopped caring about my appearance, and I stopped with many relationships outside of my house. So today I got dressed, put on the makeup, and went to lunch with a friend. I found myself an accountability partner to insure that I continue taking care of me everyday before starting work.
My AH and I had started walking every morning once the kids were off to school. I only walked when he did. This morning I got up, downloaded an amazing sermon on my iPhone and listened to "joy in suffering" while I walked. No AH, just me and God - what a way to start the day.
My AH is upstairs suffering with day 2 of opiate withdrawal, and I am doing my best to stay out of it! Tomorrow we are packing up our camper and spending one of the last good weekends camping. Not sure if the AH will come or not, but I don't care. I have good friends to go with, great kids, and looking forward to the peace. Reading for this trip...Search for Significance. Counselor recommended it as an add on to Co-Dependent No More.
Thanks to all of you who post in this forum....you have been the ones who have helped me thru this! It's a long road ahead....and I'm sure they'll be bumps, but I won't go that low again!
So now - I am proclaiming yesterday as my rock bottom....I don't care about his (AH). I can't remember feeling any lower than I did yesterday. While engaged in his insanity I made some really foolish decisions. I needed change in my life, and I changed only what I could (which was quitting my work at home job, because I can't stand to be at home) Fortunately I have a great boss who knows my situation, told me to take today and tomorrow, take care of me....and he'll talk to me on Monday.
Things I have realized...my stay at home job is not the problem, I am. I stopped getting dressed for work, I stopped caring about my appearance, and I stopped with many relationships outside of my house. So today I got dressed, put on the makeup, and went to lunch with a friend. I found myself an accountability partner to insure that I continue taking care of me everyday before starting work.
My AH and I had started walking every morning once the kids were off to school. I only walked when he did. This morning I got up, downloaded an amazing sermon on my iPhone and listened to "joy in suffering" while I walked. No AH, just me and God - what a way to start the day.
My AH is upstairs suffering with day 2 of opiate withdrawal, and I am doing my best to stay out of it! Tomorrow we are packing up our camper and spending one of the last good weekends camping. Not sure if the AH will come or not, but I don't care. I have good friends to go with, great kids, and looking forward to the peace. Reading for this trip...Search for Significance. Counselor recommended it as an add on to Co-Dependent No More.
Thanks to all of you who post in this forum....you have been the ones who have helped me thru this! It's a long road ahead....and I'm sure they'll be bumps, but I won't go that low again!
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Hi rcutch, you sound so much better today. yayyyy!! I am glad you didn't stay angry and knew my intentions were well meaning,
I worked from home for years too and it is so hard. Most people think it is easy but I fell into the same rut you did over time. It is so easy to do. I wish I thought about an accountability partner long ago. Nope, denial and being the victim was comfortable me.
When my husband complained about me being in PJ's all day, I used to think....you don't deserve my efforts in looking better. Sad part was...I forgot... *I* did.
Your morning sounded awesome, I think I can learn a lot from you. I hope you stay and keep posting.
I worked from home for years too and it is so hard. Most people think it is easy but I fell into the same rut you did over time. It is so easy to do. I wish I thought about an accountability partner long ago. Nope, denial and being the victim was comfortable me.
When my husband complained about me being in PJ's all day, I used to think....you don't deserve my efforts in looking better. Sad part was...I forgot... *I* did.
Your morning sounded awesome, I think I can learn a lot from you. I hope you stay and keep posting.
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