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Boyfriend admitted he has a problem and wants help

Old 11-08-2012, 10:00 AM
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Boyfriend admitted he has a problem and wants help

Hello Everyone

I am not new to the board but have not been here in quite some time. My current boyfriend is struggling with an addiction to pain pills. Over the course of the past year and our relationship his addiction has had its course of ups and downs which obviously has effected our relationship. His drug use has been an issue and has increasingly gotten worse. He has always thought that he had his drug use under control he would never really admit to having a problem or wanting and needing help. If and when I would get mad at him and tell him it's becoming too much of an issue for me he would unwillingly say he wanted to get help and change but I was always given empty promises.

Last night he probably had one of the first and most hones conversations with me he ever has regarding his drug use. He lead the conversation which was a first also. He said that he knows he has a problem that he wants help. He said he can't control his addiction anymore and realizes his life has become unmanageable and he will not be able to continue this way or move forward and have the things he wants if he continues to use and abuse. He also has a plan he wants to get on a suboxone program and do things right. He also wants to talk to a one on one counselor regarding his addiction. I have told him throughout our whole relationship and again last night that I will be here to support an help him in any way possible as long as he seeks out help and moves forward. He seemed shocked that I was so understanding and willing to be there for him. He couldn't stop thanking me and telling me how much it means to him that I am being supportive and understanding and that he loves me so much.

I know it's going to be a long challenging road and well encounter more obstacles but I feel really good about the converstion and where things are headed if he follows through. I guess I am just sharing my experience and seeing if anyone has insight or feedback. Is this a good step? Are we moving in the right direction ? Thanks for your time!
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Old 11-08-2012, 10:34 AM
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Do you have a plan of support for YOU while he does HIS plan?
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Old 11-08-2012, 10:55 AM
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My plan is to seek out counseling myself . I went to a counselor previously when coping with his addiction but I lost my health insurance and have not been back since. Id like to go independently I would also like us to go to a counselor together to work on rebuilding trust in our relationship. I want to start focusing on myself and life apart from him which includes working out and spending time with my dog. I have great support from his family.
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Old 11-08-2012, 11:19 AM
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If you cant afford a counselor then please get yourself to a meeting.. Alanon or Naranon meetings will really help you with the tools you need to take care of yourself. Sometimes just talking to people who really truly know what you are going through helps give you a fresh prespective.. You do need a life apart from him because if you are not careful you will get your own self wrapped up in his recovery or lack of and not focus on whats important.. YOU!! been there done that and I'm wearing the darn T-Shirt.
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Old 11-08-2012, 11:40 AM
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Please don't do what I did. My getting better was all based on him getting better. I didn't even realize it until......he relapsed. Then I knew I was in trouble and finally got very serious about ME!!
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Old 11-08-2012, 01:03 PM
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Sometimes these "True Confessions" become hooks to keep us engaged in the maddness of addiction and recovery. Sometimes the intent is to make us feel responsible for their outcome. Words without actions are meaningless.

What has he done today to follow through on his words? Has he found an MD who can prescribe Suboxone? Has he made an appointment? Does he have the money to do so? What other sort of program is he going to work? Is he employed? Stilling living at home with his parents? Still smoking? Drinking? Does he own a car? Is he doing anything that a responsible person in their late 20s is doing?

Nothing you can say or do to get him clean or cause him to relapse. You are not that powerful. None of us are. If love and support was all it took to snap anyone out of addiction, there would be no addiction.
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Old 11-08-2012, 01:24 PM
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Just want to share this -

My husband used suboxone too. I thought the problem was solved. Not a chance!! Not even close!!

When he finally got serious, he used suboxone again but this time was attending 2 NA meetings a day. He went off suboxone too soon, too fast (based on what I read, I dont think there is an easy way though) and went through bad withdrawals from it.

Once off of it, his mind was screaming for the drugs! He was not prepared for it all and relapsed. He got clean again but said it was much harder without suboxone but would never touch suboxone again.

After going through withdrawals again - twice in 1 month, he is more afraid of them then ever. It wont keep him clean if he doesn't want to be but they had an impact. Withdrawals can be a good thing in the recovery process, IMO and his!! It's part of the whole "being sick and tired of being sick and tired" process.

Bottom line, my husband needed a lot more then suboxone and went through withdrawals one way or another.
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Old 11-08-2012, 01:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Jerytoms View Post
Hello Everyone

I am not new to the board but have not been here in quite some time. My current boyfriend is struggling with an addiction to pain pills. Over the course of the past year and our relationship his addiction has had its course of ups and downs which obviously has effected our relationship. His drug use has been an issue and has increasingly gotten worse. He has always thought that he had his drug use under control he would never really admit to having a problem or wanting and needing help. If and when I would get mad at him and tell him it's becoming too much of an issue for me he would unwillingly say he wanted to get help and change but I was always given empty promises.

Last night he probably had one of the first and most hones conversations with me he ever has regarding his drug use. He lead the conversation which was a first also. He said that he knows he has a problem that he wants help. He said he can't control his addiction anymore and realizes his life has become unmanageable and he will not be able to continue this way or move forward and have the things he wants if he continues to use and abuse. He also has a plan he wants to get on a suboxone program and do things right. He also wants to talk to a one on one counselor regarding his addiction. I have told him throughout our whole relationship and again last night that I will be here to support an help him in any way possible as long as he seeks out help and moves forward. He seemed shocked that I was so understanding and willing to be there for him. He couldn't stop thanking me and telling me how much it means to him that I am being supportive and understanding and that he loves me so much.

I know it's going to be a long challenging road and well encounter more obstacles but I feel really good about the converstion and where things are headed if he follows through. I guess I am just sharing my experience and seeing if anyone has insight or feedback. Is this a good step? Are we moving in the right direction ? Thanks for your time!
It's great that he's admitted he wants help n that you are there for him.
Please don't forget to get help for you also - maybe go to al anom n read up on addiction.
It's really pleasing to see people there for one another through tough times n i wish you both all the best xxxx
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Old 11-08-2012, 08:43 PM
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Yes to everything the both of you are doing.

Your story is much like mine. Husband hooked on opiates, Benzos. He used for about a year and then decided he needed to stop; not because any major disaster happened, he was highly functional, held down a good job, paid his bills, etc. but he said he was tired of living that way and realized he needed to be off drugs to have the life he wanted for himself; his family, his career, his dreams.

My husband did Non-12 step rehab, no Suboxone but the key for him was the 1:1 sessions at the rehab with the doctors. He is 7+ months clean now and doing really well. He still sees his doctor once a week and will continue for a while. (He is not part of AA/NA; doesn't do meetings).

I started working with my own therapist 1:1 while he was in rehab, and it helped me so much- so I would highly recommend you going ahead and giving it a try. (I've never done Al anon).

And last, fortunately his rehab encouraged family participation and so I was involved from the beginning; and we started marriage counseling after he was about 6 weeks clean. It was the biggest blessing to us both. Obviously there were lots of issues and we went through them one by one, learned to communicate what we were feeling as he went through treatment. He also says it helped him deal with, and heal many of the things related to our marriage that had caused him guilt, regret, pain, and was previously an place of self pity for him, and an opening for his wanting the numbing effects of drugs. So I would recommend the couples counseling, even early in his recovery based on our experience.

We still had ups and downs; so expect that. But if he is serious and sticks with his plan then he can beat this. And just as a warning; he may fall again during this process, but what matters is that he gets back up, and keeps down the path. Also important is that you realize if he slips, it is not personal against you, and not your fault.

Definitely take care of yourself, nurture yourself during this time with things that bring you peace and joy, and lean on family, friends, and doggie may disagree but go ahead and vent to him if necessary. Our dog definitely got an earful; luckily he can't write a tell-all about his wacky mom and dad.
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