Feeling Like Such A Fool
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 76
Feeling Like Such A Fool
Someone please explain to me what is wrong with me that I keep believing my AH husband when he tells me that he is doing things different? Why can I not make my heart listen to my head?
I am struggling to pay bills, and my husband managed to hijack insurance claim checks out of the mailbox and in 2 days spend almost $2000.00. Now he is confessing to me because he "wants to change". What do I do with that? I have so much anger I just want to throw things.
Sorry for the rant and rave....can't discuss this with friends and family, because they don't want to hear it. How many times can one read Co-Dependent No More until they get it?
I am struggling to pay bills, and my husband managed to hijack insurance claim checks out of the mailbox and in 2 days spend almost $2000.00. Now he is confessing to me because he "wants to change". What do I do with that? I have so much anger I just want to throw things.
Sorry for the rant and rave....can't discuss this with friends and family, because they don't want to hear it. How many times can one read Co-Dependent No More until they get it?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
One of the things I've learned on this site, is to pay attention to the addict's actions, not the words. Addicts are really good at saying the right things. You can think of that as "quacking." You can picture a duck quacking--they quack a lot, but it doesn't mean anything. What are your AH's actions showing you?? He tells you he wants to change, but what do his actions show? Is he in a recovery program? Is he going to meeting or seeing a counselor/psychiatrist? Is he hanging out with using friends or with sober people?
HI Rcrutch,
I have gone back and read all your posts. You have certainly been on a long journey with your AH. At one time, you seemed to have such serenity with the help of Alanon. Have you thought about going back?
Would you give the same advice or ESH that you did in the past...just curious!!
I have gone back and read all your posts. You have certainly been on a long journey with your AH. At one time, you seemed to have such serenity with the help of Alanon. Have you thought about going back?
Would you give the same advice or ESH that you did in the past...just curious!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 76
LoveMeNot - thanks for the reminder. I just went back and read them as well. I know what I need to do. Thanks for the reminder. I just got back from the bank - closed all bank accounts but the one in my name only. Have begun the process of pressing charges on the insurance check. I have to now call the insurance company. Thanks again for the reminder.
It is weird. My son even found God after stealing over $2,000 worth of property that I could not press charges on. They were "family items." But it was less then a week later that "God wasn't real" and he went to jail.
ughhh, I just hate it when I find and lose God in the same week.
ughhh, I just hate it when I find and lose God in the same week.
Good call closing the bank accounts and leaving the one that only has your name on it. It is amazing how selfish they can be. You're struggling to pay bills at he spend two grand on drugs in two days.
It def. isn't a shocker that he wants to "change" after the money is gone. Now, if he had seen the checks, handed them to you and asked you to close the bank accounts because he doesn't want access to money because he wants to change now that would be one thing. Wanting to change after he just blew all your money is pretty much just a pile of empty words.
You are doing the right thing pressing charges with the check. He needs to man up to his actions and he probally thought that if he confessed to you and said he wanted to change that you would be happy he wants to change and make you not focus on the damage he just did. Good job not letting him side track you. Of course he will tell you how sorry he is and how it will never happen again when really it just won't happen again until the next check comes. -sigh- Addicts can be so exhausting if we let them control our moods and lives.
Stay well,
Maylie
It def. isn't a shocker that he wants to "change" after the money is gone. Now, if he had seen the checks, handed them to you and asked you to close the bank accounts because he doesn't want access to money because he wants to change now that would be one thing. Wanting to change after he just blew all your money is pretty much just a pile of empty words.
You are doing the right thing pressing charges with the check. He needs to man up to his actions and he probally thought that if he confessed to you and said he wanted to change that you would be happy he wants to change and make you not focus on the damage he just did. Good job not letting him side track you. Of course he will tell you how sorry he is and how it will never happen again when really it just won't happen again until the next check comes. -sigh- Addicts can be so exhausting if we let them control our moods and lives.
Stay well,
Maylie
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 285
You're doing the right thing by pressing charges. we continue to want to believe and hope that the person we once chose to share our lives with is still there; so we continue on the cycle. The reality is that the man you married is trapped by his addiction and will do anything to feed and protect his addiction. It took me about 5 years to face the reality that the man I married was no longer there. I still have times that I begin to have those doubts that maybe this time he's on the right track but I know I need to be strong and not listen to a word he says. The Quacking is something I've put to use many times - if anything, when I hear his words and imaging quacking instead of listing, it buys me time because eventually his actions show me the truth. Keep yourself healthy - that's all you can do.
It is weird. My son even found God after stealing over $2,000 worth of property that I could not press charges on. They were "family items." But it was less then a week later that "God wasn't real" and he went to jail.
ughhh, I just hate it when I find and lose God in the same week.
ughhh, I just hate it when I find and lose God in the same week.
I hope I don't find and lose God in the same
week.Having more than a few heart-to-heart
conversations with the Almighty was just about
the only good thing I was able to salvage from
this whole Godawful sh*tty mess.
( that and SR, of course!)
-================================
I hope I don't find and lose God in the same
week.Having more than a few heart-to-heart
conversations with the Almighty was just about
the only good thing I was able to salvage from
this whole Godawful sh*tty mess.
( that and SR, of course!)
I hope I don't find and lose God in the same
week.Having more than a few heart-to-heart
conversations with the Almighty was just about
the only good thing I was able to salvage from
this whole Godawful sh*tty mess.
( that and SR, of course!)
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
I struggle with this too.. I think its because I'm scared of what will happen if I dont believe him.. As I'm really coming out of denial about my husband I'm finding my apple cart being overturned and change scares me I think.. I make a lot of my decisions based on fear and not neccessarly whats best for me..
I am struggling to pay bills, and my husband managed to hijack insurance claim checks out of the mailbox and in 2 days spend almost $2000.00. Now he is confessing to me because he "wants to change". What do I do with that? I have so much anger I just want to throw things.
The moral: please see what he has done, and be safe rather than sorry. It is less likely that a persons behavior will change dramatically and more likely that they will repeat a behavior, especially one that came with a high reward. It is hard to come out of denial. I had to have daily or more conversations with family members who had witnessed him first hand to understand who he really was. I think the person I imagined him to be either slowly ceased to exist or never really was.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)