eveleivibe

Hiya all,

I'd like to apologize to you all. A few days ago i made a thread saying i felt this forum was harsh. I over-reacted instead of reading n thinking about what you have all been through. For that, I was wrong n admit to being so.

I know how it feels to choose between a partner n a child n to have to keep it a secret n be judged for it. To have social services involved because of HIS behaviour n to see him going out with other women without a care in the world while i was counting every day my child was alive wondering if that day they'd take her away because of him. I know the guilt because I never broke free of him straight away when others told me they wouldn't hesitate when it comes to a child.
I will have that guilt with me til the day I die.

I also know hows it feels when the partner doesn't pay child support while spending money on a 42 inch TV for himself 'because he deserved it.' He pays £2.50 a week because he does not work. And 1 day i will have to face my child n explain to her why she does not have a father in her life. I have carried the anger n guilt with me of this for 3 n half years!!!
My ex was emotional abusive, threatening to end the relationship when he didn't get his own way. For instance, if i said i wanted to use protection he'd say maybe im better off single n if he wanted to film us doing this n i didn't he'd say maybe we should end it as spontinaety. I knew he could have anyone as he'd always be talking to women for hours online----ignoring me after I travelled hours to be with him.
He could not meet me without having a drink to relax him n help him spcialisw. He was an alcoholic, addicted to porn, internet n sex. I found out after that'd cheated on me a few times.

To partner i had before, i was very controlling with as he was a useless bum, i checked his bank account even cut his card up once to stop him being silly with money. I think when i found the 2nd partner i let him be controlling as i thought i'd deserved it for being controlling with the first.

Because of this i could never go with someone with a similar illness as he - i guess that's stereotypical---and also hypicritical of my reaction to you on here.

Anyway i haven't put this for pity I thought i owed you an explanation as to why i tried helping people on here when i've seen similar experiences. Please don't feel disturbed by my posts as it's not my intention to offend or upset anypne. In fact in real i hate confrontation n do whatever to please everyone else n make them happy so they're not annoyed with me.

Take care n sending higs n peace to you all xxx

LoveMeNow

I don't think you having anything to apologize for. Everything is a learning process.
I hope you forgive yourself for past mistakes. We all have made many mistakes in our lives. Learning from them is the important key, IMO.

Have a great day and God Bless!

LMN