More Lessons Learned...For Newbies...
 

It's been a while since I've posted. Work's been crazy, school's like likewise, and I've moved into a phase of my life where the chaos and insanity of dealing with someone else's addiction is far, far behind me and is only the faintest of echoes.

One sad thing has happened during this period of time. Someone very dear to me has terminal lung cancer that has spread to her brain and other parts of her body. She doesn't have very long. We met at a very dark time in my life, and it was her kindness and love that pulled me back from a very, very dark place. And I'm thankful that she and I have been in touch and have effectively closed our loop. There's nothing more that needs to be said, and all I hope for is that God is gentle and loving when He takes her home.

Another friend of mine has been dating someone whose mother is close to my age, and he likes to joke about setting me up with his girlfriend's mother. Mind you, this person's been married twice and divorced twice and is currently in another toxic relationship.

I kindly pointed out that the mother needs to want more for herself than what she has, and it's not my job to rescue women from bad situations. Suffice to say my buddy couldn't disagree.

So, in short, there's a few things I want to share with the newbies, especially the ones that are truly suffering and don't see an end to their own hell.

a) The addict needs to want to make a change for the better. You can't make them do that.

b) You can't rescue the addict from themselves and it's not your job to do so.

c) Be thankful every day for who and what you do have in your life. I know this is hard. When we're going through hell, it is so, so easy to fixate on what is wrong with our lives and what we've lost. You can't do that. God's given us the gift of life, and we're only here for a blink of an eye. You need to look at the gifts you have and the people who love you and be thankful.

One of my favorite songs of this past year is "The Garden" by Rush. The "garden" is a metaphor for the acts and attitudes we have in our life, and the treasures of that garden are the love and respect we give to ourselves and others. To quote Geddy Lee:

A measure of a life is a measure of love and respect
So hard to earn, so easily burned
In the fullness of time, a garden to nurture and protect
A treasure of a life is a measure of love and respect
The way you life, the gifts that you give
In the fullness of time, is the only return that you expect

God Bless,
ZoSo

I am sorry about your friend with cancer, Zoso, and will keep her in my prayers.

Your posts always inspire me so I'm glad you came to post today.

Hugs

Thanks for your kind words, Ann.

We're losing one of the good ones. But...it's funny how faith can help us accept the things we can't change. And it's my belief she'll never really be gone. It's the good stuff -- the love, the compassion, the empathy -- that lasts forever.

Hope you're well.

ZoSo

Over the years, I have lost some dear friends and it's true that they never really leave, their spirits remain with us forever.

Like you, faith helps me believe that it's all part of a bigger plan and it's all good.

Hugs

Zoso -
Sorry for your friend. Thank you for your words - I needed this reality check today.