SaraK

So I have known my fiance for 12 years- we dated briefly when he was 18 and I was 20, but that didn't last very long. About 3 years ago we started dating again. At this point we had both quit drinking and we at pretty stable places in our lives. My daughter was 2 years old at the time, we were both going back to school and things seemed to be pretty good. After about 6 months things got a little rocky, but that's just the way relationships go (the end of the "honeymoon" period). We both decided to attend the same university, which meant both of us had to move about an hour and a half from home (we didn't live in the same town at the time- we only saw each other on weekends because of the hour drive).

So we move up here, things are going alright- UNTIL last August he was prescribed Adderall for his ADD. I don't know that he was abusing it right away or if this is more recent development. I just recently discovered the problem (although I should have seen it before now). We just bought a house together and plan on getting married in March. My daughter calls him her daddy and I feel like I've just been sideswiped. Every month, for the last 4 or 5 months, he runs out of his pills - sometimes three weeks before he is due for a refill. He always tells me he lost them, or that someone must have taken them when they were sitting out. When he doesn't have his meds he is irritable, irrational, and unpredictable. He lashes out at me (not physically) or our kiddo (once again never physically). He struggles to get up and do anything. I end up trying to be the only responsible adult in our life.

When he does have his Adderall he is constantly running and working on projects. He stays awake for 3-4 days/nights at a time. Doesn't have time to spend with me or my daughter because he's "busy" working on...whatever it is that he is working on.

He ended up dropping out of school and has a job, but never works. I am still going to school full-time, working part-time, trying to pay all of the bills, supporting him and the kiddo, and the he won't even do the simple things around the house, like clean or make phone calls It's soooo frustrating.

I have thought about leaving before- he is honestly one of the most selfish people I know- but I do love him and my daughter ended up heartbroken when it was discussed. I kinda feel trapped right now- I mean we just bought this house and we are both on the deed...but I guess I should have thought twice before putting myself in this situation. But he wasn't always like this, just since stupid Adderall came into our lives!

LoveMeNow

Welcome to SR. As always, I am sorry for the reasons that brought you here. There is great amount of information on SR. Have you read the stickies yet? You may not like all of the replies, the truth can be hard to accept.

It's not the drug, it's the person. Your daughter will be more heartbroken if she has to continue to grow up in an unhealthy home. Living with an active addict will make everyone sick....it effects everyone, not just him!!

kmangel

Most likely he was like this. It just took some time for his true colors to show themselves to you. Now you know. As much as you are in a predicament (what with buying a house together), at least you are not married.

When you have discussed how his personality has changed so drastically since beginning the Adderall, does he deny there is anything wrong? When my son came out of rehab for heroin addiction, he tried to convince a doctor (who fell for it) that he needed Adderall. He wanted something, anything, to replace the Heroin. Stupid me even bought the Adderall for him. Talk about enabling. I was a newby to the world of addiction--but I didn't stay a newbie. My gut was screaming "No!" at me the whole time. Gotta listen to our gut when it is talking.

What does your gut say about your situation? Follow whatever it says. It is rarely wrong.