Redapples

Ok I seen bf a couple of nights ago and his pupils were huge. He still isn't interested in sex though he says he is. He was suppose to come to my house last night and he called and said he didn't feel like coming down and for me not to get mad at him. I do not get it? I do not understand why I keep trying to fix him. I want to walk away I tell him it's over and a couple of days later he calls and I go through the same crap again. I have been going through crap with this guy for almost two years.

I am not coping now, I asked for a layoff at my job because I couldn't handle the stress thank God I have enough hours for EI at this point. My health is an issue they have to do MRI, ultrasound etc because they are worried I may have had a TCI. He the bf says I hope everything is alright, no offers of being there with me, going to my appointments because of his job on a dairy farm. His 13 yr. old kid is smoking weed both of them walk around his house basically in the dark. Hardly a light on in the place. I guess they both do not want the other to see they are high I guess.

He went to his doctor and they increased his anti depressent dosage. Which is great cause now he can really get high. His doctor knows he was/is hooked on cocaine and babies him.

I got to walk away from this guy but I feel sorry for him. He is so good at making people feel for him.

crazybabie

RedApples, have you tried any meetings yet? or read Codependent No More yet? yes they have a way of always getting to us until we really get better and the process of doing so is not always a simple one insane that he allows his 13 year old to be smoking around him it never fails to amaze me the things addicts will do.

have you sat down and made a list of why you feel sorry for him? maybe try that and then when your feeling stronger look at the list and see what you think then.

Katiekate

Honey, do yourself a favor, go no contact, commit to it for a month, get yourself healthy, therapy, al anon, post here often.

You will find peace as the days go by, no more upset, sounds like the chaos is taking you down.

It's so nice that you feel bad for him, doesn't change anything.

You matter, you are important, please, time to turn your attention to you.

Keep posting, we care, love to you Katie

Thepatman

I second katie. Maybe you deserve to concentrate on you for once?

rsk

It may feel selfish,mean,and like you are turning your back on him if you take care of YOURSELF and yourself only but by all means please do so. You are not wrong for doing so.You both seem to not be in the best health but you have the choice and power to be pro-active in your own health. I have read this in many threads/posts and what really stood out to me is that...you need to step aside and let them fall to their bottom...this will be more helpful for EVERYONE in the long run. You are important and so is YOUR life. The darkness will fade if you separate yourself from it. Best of wishes on whatever you choose.

codepen

I have been gone from my ABF life for 2 1/2 weeks and made it clear for him not to call until he is sober. I made it through 2 weeks before and went back to trying to work on our relationship when I realized how I had gone back to the same chaos as before. It was making me crazy and I finally it and his behavior was the same. I also realized that we are both adults and I needed to allow him to be a grown up and not be his surrogate mother. I was told this week something that really stuck with me...that I am getting in the way of the work that my ABF HP is trying to do in his life, so I am really not helping him. Thanks for your post...it has helped me from calling him this evening.

dollydo

If your relationship with him is affecting your job, health and all other aspects of your life, it may be time to start focusing on you...your well-being. Honestly, you are doing this to yourself, you can jump off the crazy train anytime you choose to do so. Feeling sorry for him is a flimsy excuse for staying with him, I can feel sorry for someone and not be with them.

You deserve better, it is up to you to secure a happy, peaceful life, no one else can do it for you.

Please take some time to read Codependent No More, the stickeys at the top of this forum and cynicals one's blogs, lots of great knowledge at your fingertips.

Redapples

I am doing the no contact for now I am not responding to his phone calls etc.. You are all right I have to take time from this relationship (if that is what it is) and start taking care of myself. He will always land on his feet because his family takes care of him. I will have no one to take care of me if I fall. Dollie I agree with you about getting off the crazy train. More like final destination 5. I was hoping he would realize I was worth something and want to be with me and be happy. It's just not going to happen and I want to kick myself really really hard for wasting so much of my time on another addict.