So pissed off at my mother
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 110
So pissed off at my mother
I need a vent, my husband just cannot hear another word!
My mother sent me a facebook message, she's been trying to call me and can't get through. Turns out she's been dialing the wrong area code. I've only been living here for three years. So I called her, after not speaking to her in about a month. I have cut the contact to my family down to nearly nothing.
Then it comes out that my sister was offered the chance to live in a sober living residence for women with children. Day care, job training, counseling, DRUG TESTING. But she didn't want to go. And that was ok with my mother. There would be rules there, my mother wouldn't be able to spend the night blah blah blah.
So my parents are paying rent on a room in a house for my drug addict sister and her newborn child... in the same town where my sister first started to become a hard core addict. She knows every dealer and dirtbag for miles. She is not getting any counseling. My mother visits every weekend, and is in complete denial-of-reality mode. And of course, I'm going to visit my sister and the baby when I fly to the US in three weeks, aren't I? - she asks.
I kept as cool as I could as I heard all this. I didn't raise my voice once (without SR I would have been bugging out!). And then I said I will never be comfortable with the idea of a newborn living with a drug addict as its single parent and no supervision or support. And that I will certainly not be visiting her. My mother then accused me of living in the past. And I told her that she should start thinking about her granddaughter instead of herself.
My mother's response: 'Whatever.' As if she suggested we order pizza and I said I'd rather Chinese. AAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHH
My mother sent me a facebook message, she's been trying to call me and can't get through. Turns out she's been dialing the wrong area code. I've only been living here for three years. So I called her, after not speaking to her in about a month. I have cut the contact to my family down to nearly nothing.
Then it comes out that my sister was offered the chance to live in a sober living residence for women with children. Day care, job training, counseling, DRUG TESTING. But she didn't want to go. And that was ok with my mother. There would be rules there, my mother wouldn't be able to spend the night blah blah blah.
So my parents are paying rent on a room in a house for my drug addict sister and her newborn child... in the same town where my sister first started to become a hard core addict. She knows every dealer and dirtbag for miles. She is not getting any counseling. My mother visits every weekend, and is in complete denial-of-reality mode. And of course, I'm going to visit my sister and the baby when I fly to the US in three weeks, aren't I? - she asks.
I kept as cool as I could as I heard all this. I didn't raise my voice once (without SR I would have been bugging out!). And then I said I will never be comfortable with the idea of a newborn living with a drug addict as its single parent and no supervision or support. And that I will certainly not be visiting her. My mother then accused me of living in the past. And I told her that she should start thinking about her granddaughter instead of herself.
My mother's response: 'Whatever.' As if she suggested we order pizza and I said I'd rather Chinese. AAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHH
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I would be really narked with my mother if she cold not be bothered to learn my right dialing code, yet bother to pay rent for my drug addict sister, make up excuses for her not going to sle and listen to them too!
Well done for not rising to it!
xxxx
Well done for not rising to it!
xxxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
I feel like I could have written this, except for that my sister doesn't have a baby. (Thank God!) Although that's primarily due to my mother having some sort of frequent flier card at the clinic. Troubling, to say the least.
Good for you for not engaging with your mother. I know how hard it is, and I know how angry it can make you. I came here more angry at my mom than I was at my sister, strangely enough. My sister is an addict, I get that, but my mom appears to be actively trying to keep her addicted. It's insane. I know she's not thinking of it that way, but you know what I mean. Most of my Anon work is spent understanding that I need to handle them both in the same way, it's just harder for me with my mom than it is with my sister.
I'm glad you're enforcing your boundaries. We needed a win this week.
Good for you for not engaging with your mother. I know how hard it is, and I know how angry it can make you. I came here more angry at my mom than I was at my sister, strangely enough. My sister is an addict, I get that, but my mom appears to be actively trying to keep her addicted. It's insane. I know she's not thinking of it that way, but you know what I mean. Most of my Anon work is spent understanding that I need to handle them both in the same way, it's just harder for me with my mom than it is with my sister.
I'm glad you're enforcing your boundaries. We needed a win this week.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 326
Originally Posted by interrupted 
My sister is an addict, I get that, but my mom appears to be actively trying to keep her addicted. It's insane. I know she's not thinking of it that way, but you know what I mean.
Meanwhile I keep getting letters from the DMV that he's about to get his driver's license suspended for a parking ticket for 2010.
My son has no chance at recovering while my mother is alive and enabling. If she lives another another 15 years, he will have spent ages 16-37, all of his adult life in addiction without consequences. How will he recover?
To me what she's doing is so evil and so arrogant and so selfish, I find myself hoping for bad things to happen to her. Let her die now, so as to give him a chance while he's still young. Let him go off on her, hit her, push her to the ground, spit in her face, come up from behind her and grab her neck and shake her, let him steal from her, or break into and trash her house. Whatever it takes to implant it into her thick head that he is a substance abuser, not that it's just a 'personality conflict'.
There's nothing I can do about it, but it's horrible. I tell people not to tell me anything about them, but they think they are being helpful: "Look he's got a car, he's getting better, this is a hopeful sign."
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
Just to clarify: I don't think that my mother is responsible for my sister's addition. My sister gets to own that. But I can see where she doesn't have much motivation to stop using if she never faces any consequences for her drug abuse, my mom can decide to own her part in that or not. We all keep our own houses, so to speak. There was a time when I acted in ways counter to my sister's best interest, those belong to me. I can't go back, but I'm learning how to go forward with my health and sanity intact.
I can't imagine how difficult it must be to watch somebody else help your child destroy themselves. Of all things, I think this must be one of the hardest.
I can't imagine how difficult it must be to watch somebody else help your child destroy themselves. Of all things, I think this must be one of the hardest.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 110
Thanks everyone. Every single word is making me strong!
On another note, hurricane Sandy has hit my hometown pretty hard. And I have no idea where my parents are right now. The last conversation with my mother, as you all know, didn't go so well. I'm feeling pretty bad about that, even though I know I wasn't wrong.
Please send some prayers our way?
On another note, hurricane Sandy has hit my hometown pretty hard. And I have no idea where my parents are right now. The last conversation with my mother, as you all know, didn't go so well. I'm feeling pretty bad about that, even though I know I wasn't wrong.
Please send some prayers our way?
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 775
I live in the path of the hurricane and while it was bad the major problem now is power if something bad happened you would know by now. They probably just dont have power we are not getting it back for 5-7 days and thats just an estimate
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
Ive placed all my family in the hands of
the Man upstairs and have cut, severed,
divorced all communication with them.
To stay connected to sickness keeps me
sick. I can't live a healthier lifestyle if I
were to continue to subject myself to their
sickness. It's not healthy for my own
recovery and peace of mind, heart and soul.
the Man upstairs and have cut, severed,
divorced all communication with them.
To stay connected to sickness keeps me
sick. I can't live a healthier lifestyle if I
were to continue to subject myself to their
sickness. It's not healthy for my own
recovery and peace of mind, heart and soul.
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