The term - Terminally Unique ?
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The term - Terminally Unique ?
I was reading another post, and people were saying the OP seemed to feel Terminally Unique. I think this is an AA term, but Im not certain. It was not used in my husbands rehab so Im really not familiar with it. I would like to know what it means, if it has the same meaning to everyone, what recovery methods use this term, and why it is viewed as a such a negative thing?
The sun still shines
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Almost all newcomers to addiction think their situation is special, somehow different and that whilst others are addicts, the term simply doesn't apply to their loved one. They also think that they will be able to save him/her, because of the difference and that the normal course of addiction does not apply to them. It is normally experienced at its strongest when the person is still in denial about the situation.
I am not sure where it originates from, I heard it here for the first time and recognised its truth. Even now I sometimes catch myself thinking my situation is different, but for me it is healthier to see it is not.
I am not sure where it originates from, I heard it here for the first time and recognised its truth. Even now I sometimes catch myself thinking my situation is different, but for me it is healthier to see it is not.
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Originally Posted by logo 
Terminally Unique meaning I think I am different from everyone else but I am just another one (addict).
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I'm not sure I fully understand what the term means. I get that addicts are addicts and I've seen enough from myself as an addict, other addicts and the people who try in a codependent way to help addicts that there is a characteristic to the "disease" or addiction, however you want to phrase it.
In counseling though I was told by a counselor that he wanted to hear about me, other parts of my life to see me as a whole person and not just as the part of me who's an addict. Is that different than what you're talking about here? It feels counterproductive to take away someone's individuality and label them as "addict". I think when people become sober and reconnect with their interests and talents aside from addiction it makes them be the unique person that they are again. Addiction just got in the way.
I want to better understand this concept you're talking about.
In counseling though I was told by a counselor that he wanted to hear about me, other parts of my life to see me as a whole person and not just as the part of me who's an addict. Is that different than what you're talking about here? It feels counterproductive to take away someone's individuality and label them as "addict". I think when people become sober and reconnect with their interests and talents aside from addiction it makes them be the unique person that they are again. Addiction just got in the way.
I want to better understand this concept you're talking about.
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Originally Posted by Sunshine2
Almost all newcomers to addiction think their situation is special, somehow different and that whilst others are addicts, the term simply doesn't apply to their loved one. They also think that they will be able to save him/her, because of the difference and that the normal course of addiction does not apply to them. It is normally experienced at its strongest when the person is still in denial about the situation.
I am not sure where it originates from, I heard it here for the first time and recognised its truth. Even now I sometimes catch myself thinking my situation is different, but for me it is healthier to see it is not.
I am not sure where it originates from, I heard it here for the first time and recognised its truth. Even now I sometimes catch myself thinking my situation is different, but for me it is healthier to see it is not.
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Originally Posted by Presstoe
I'm not sure I fully understand what the term means. I get that addicts are addicts and I've seen enough from myself as an addict, other addicts and the people who try in a codependent way to help addicts that there is a characteristic to the "disease" or addiction, however you want to phrase it.
In counseling though I was told by a counselor that he wanted to hear about me, other parts of my life to see me as a whole person and not just as the part of me who's an addict. Is that different than what you're talking about here? It feels counterproductive to take away someone's individuality and label them as "addict". I think when people become sober and reconnect with their interests and talents aside from addiction it makes them be the unique person that they are again. Addiction just got in the way.
I want to better understand this concept you're talking about.
In counseling though I was told by a counselor that he wanted to hear about me, other parts of my life to see me as a whole person and not just as the part of me who's an addict. Is that different than what you're talking about here? It feels counterproductive to take away someone's individuality and label them as "addict". I think when people become sober and reconnect with their interests and talents aside from addiction it makes them be the unique person that they are again. Addiction just got in the way.
I want to better understand this concept you're talking about.
Yes, what Im talking about is what your counselor said to you. What about YOU, the whole person, what makes you tick. Those things seem to make us all unique; and I think you have to know the unique qualities to recover, but seems like others think unique is a hinderance, a bad thing. So Im just confused.
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Allforcnm,
Then I agree with you, that was my experience, what I was told in therapy and by an addictions counselor. I did a quick google search and found a song by a band named "Lamb of God" and an AA link. From a quick scan of the AA link I gather that it refers to the addictive voice, which I believe in and I've read about on this forum. What I've read here has been very helpful in that regard.
I'm guessing that the hard line in the sand is about surrendering to a higher power and the powerlessness idea propagated by AA, which is why I have never attended a meeting. The counselor and therapist I work with have both helped me in my process of recovery, instilled an idea of the progression of addiction and the consequences and helped me identify and work on goals that don't include using. It's like seeing the possibilities if you don't use and having good people backing you up! It's very positive.
But... The definition of the title of this post, according to choose help.com is this:
http://www.choosehelp.com/alcoholism...k-you-are.html
I personally feel this link is biased and that the darkened, pockmarked face accompanying the text is a bit much. Finding the right meeting to suit you sounds like a good idea if you feel AA is the right treatment plan for you.
Then I agree with you, that was my experience, what I was told in therapy and by an addictions counselor. I did a quick google search and found a song by a band named "Lamb of God" and an AA link. From a quick scan of the AA link I gather that it refers to the addictive voice, which I believe in and I've read about on this forum. What I've read here has been very helpful in that regard.
I'm guessing that the hard line in the sand is about surrendering to a higher power and the powerlessness idea propagated by AA, which is why I have never attended a meeting. The counselor and therapist I work with have both helped me in my process of recovery, instilled an idea of the progression of addiction and the consequences and helped me identify and work on goals that don't include using. It's like seeing the possibilities if you don't use and having good people backing you up! It's very positive.
But... The definition of the title of this post, according to choose help.com is this:
http://www.choosehelp.com/alcoholism...k-you-are.html
I personally feel this link is biased and that the darkened, pockmarked face accompanying the text is a bit much. Finding the right meeting to suit you sounds like a good idea if you feel AA is the right treatment plan for you.
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Originally Posted by Presstoe
Allforcnm,
Then I agree with you, that was my experience, what I was told in therapy and by an addictions counselor. I did a quick google search and found a song by a band named "Lamb of God" and an AA link. From a quick scan of the AA link I gather that it refers to the addictive voice, which I believe in and I've read about on this forum. What I've read here has been very helpful in that regard.
I'm guessing that the hard line in the sand is about surrendering to a higher power and the powerlessness idea propagated by AA, which is why I have never attended a meeting. The counselor and therapist I work with have both helped me in my process of recovery, instilled an idea of the progression of addiction and the consequences and helped me identify and work on goals that don't include using. It's like seeing the possibilities if you don't use and having good people backing you up! It's very positive.
But... The definition of the title of this post, according to choose help.com is this:
http://www.choosehelp.com/alcoholism...k-you-are.html
Then I agree with you, that was my experience, what I was told in therapy and by an addictions counselor. I did a quick google search and found a song by a band named "Lamb of God" and an AA link. From a quick scan of the AA link I gather that it refers to the addictive voice, which I believe in and I've read about on this forum. What I've read here has been very helpful in that regard.
I'm guessing that the hard line in the sand is about surrendering to a higher power and the powerlessness idea propagated by AA, which is why I have never attended a meeting. The counselor and therapist I work with have both helped me in my process of recovery, instilled an idea of the progression of addiction and the consequences and helped me identify and work on goals that don't include using. It's like seeing the possibilities if you don't use and having good people backing you up! It's very positive.
But... The definition of the title of this post, according to choose help.com is this:
http://www.choosehelp.com/alcoholism...k-you-are.html
OT of this post; but how are you doing ? My husband is almost 7 months.
Im gonna read the link you attached. Thanks !
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Originally Posted by logo
It is just a program saying you do not have to read into it. Just take it for what it is worth. Good luck. Logo
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html
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I'm doing good. I have no reservations to admit practicing what I've been thought is "harm reduction", meaning that I do drink in some situations, but I highly monitor my drinking, setting limits and sticking to them.
The reason I'm in therapy is because I also have mental health diagnoses that have worked hand in hand with substance abuse throughout my adolescence and adulthood. Anxiety has played a huge part in my desire to drink and then later the substance use lead to other maladaptive behaviors. It's been a mess and I'm sorting it out now and doing much better being in therapy.
The reason I'm in therapy is because I also have mental health diagnoses that have worked hand in hand with substance abuse throughout my adolescence and adulthood. Anxiety has played a huge part in my desire to drink and then later the substance use lead to other maladaptive behaviors. It's been a mess and I'm sorting it out now and doing much better being in therapy.
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Originally Posted by Presstoe
I'm doing good. I have no reservations to admit practicing what I've been thought is "harm reduction", meaning that I do drink in some situations, but I highly monitor my drinking, setting limits and sticking to them.
The reason I'm in therapy is because I also have mental health diagnoses that have worked hand in hand with substance abuse throughout my adolescence and adulthood. Anxiety has played a huge part in my desire to drink and then later the substance use lead to other maladaptive behaviors. It's been a mess and I'm sorting it out now and doing much better being in therapy.
The reason I'm in therapy is because I also have mental health diagnoses that have worked hand in hand with substance abuse throughout my adolescence and adulthood. Anxiety has played a huge part in my desire to drink and then later the substance use lead to other maladaptive behaviors. It's been a mess and I'm sorting it out now and doing much better being in therapy.
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Terminally Unique to me means that if I think I so special or my circumstances are so unique or different from everyone else....that I can use "my own way" to try & handle my addiction instead of "their way/AA or other recovery program".....that with "my way" I have a very good chance of ending up dead. My way attempts never worked.
I having trouble sleeping but I'm too tired to try & explain but this site says what I'm trying to say...lol
alcoholrehab dot com/alcohol-rehab/terminal-uniqueness/]Terminal Uniqueness
Terminal uniqueness is the belief that the situation the individual is facing is unlike anything faced by other people. It is called terminal uniqueness because thinking this way of thinking can get people killed. This can happen if ill people are unwilling to make the best use of the available treatments or cures because they are convinced that they are a special case....
....They may have no problem accepting that excessive use of alcohol will destroy the lives of other people, yet they somehow feel exempt from this – they are the exception to the rule.....
Terminal uniqueness is a form of denial. It allows the individual to hide from the consequences of their actions, and it prevents them from seeking help. So long as they view themselves as a special case they will not be able to see the truth of their predicament. This is how the substance abuser can continue using alcohol or drugs despite the evidence of where such a path always leads.......
I having trouble sleeping but I'm too tired to try & explain but this site says what I'm trying to say...lol
alcoholrehab dot com/alcohol-rehab/terminal-uniqueness/]Terminal Uniqueness
Terminal uniqueness is the belief that the situation the individual is facing is unlike anything faced by other people. It is called terminal uniqueness because thinking this way of thinking can get people killed. This can happen if ill people are unwilling to make the best use of the available treatments or cures because they are convinced that they are a special case....
....They may have no problem accepting that excessive use of alcohol will destroy the lives of other people, yet they somehow feel exempt from this – they are the exception to the rule.....
Terminal uniqueness is a form of denial. It allows the individual to hide from the consequences of their actions, and it prevents them from seeking help. So long as they view themselves as a special case they will not be able to see the truth of their predicament. This is how the substance abuser can continue using alcohol or drugs despite the evidence of where such a path always leads.......
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Firstly, people can definitely use and abuse drugs without becoming addicted. Unfortunately, you cannot say at the outset who will escape addiction and who will get caught in the downward spiral. I also think there is a long period where an addict will not admit that he has become addicted and will still maintain they could stop whenever they want to. Except they don't.
Secondly, when someone has become fully addicted, the similarities between addicts are far more than the differences. All you have to do is read how many family members are praying to have "the old person back", the unique person before the addiction got hold. Once the person is an addict, they will still have that uniqueness, but the similarities as a result of the addiction will be far more pronounced.
Decent, honest people (before addiction) will lie and manipulate and make you feel you are at fault. They will not care about anything else as much as they care about their drugs and the next high. Depending on their financial situation, they will start stealing to get drugs. Whilst they have access to money they won't, but once money dries up they will normally do ANYTHING for the next fix.
IMHO, this is the stage where the unique person is buried and pure addict behaviour is what we see most.
All addicts are on some point of this continuum, the person they used to be and the addict they are becoming.
The war in our minds is between believing they are still the person before addiction even when their actions show us differently. We remember how smart and witty and gentle they were, so unlike what they have become and we cling to the memory.
We will go to great lengths to convince ourselves our situation is different. We will look for any scrap of evidence to prove they are not anything like the addicts we read about. We believe that unlike other people, the next thing we try will save them. Whether it is another chance, more love, more acceptance, money one last time...
As I said, I had to grapple with all the typical addict behaviour (manipulation, lies, unproductiveness, etc) on my own and kept on thinking it is my fault. It was a relief to discover SR and see that my son was not unique.
I think depending on how long you have walked the path for and what you have been through with the addict, you get more and more ready to accept that your situation is not unique.
I also do think if you can catch drug abuse early on you can maybe help to stop it from becoming a full-blown addict, e.g. with a teenager or someone using drugs as a temporary crutch. The longer the abuse continues, the bigger the chances of becoming an addict.
Sorry for the long post but it was helpful to me.
Secondly, when someone has become fully addicted, the similarities between addicts are far more than the differences. All you have to do is read how many family members are praying to have "the old person back", the unique person before the addiction got hold. Once the person is an addict, they will still have that uniqueness, but the similarities as a result of the addiction will be far more pronounced.
Decent, honest people (before addiction) will lie and manipulate and make you feel you are at fault. They will not care about anything else as much as they care about their drugs and the next high. Depending on their financial situation, they will start stealing to get drugs. Whilst they have access to money they won't, but once money dries up they will normally do ANYTHING for the next fix.
IMHO, this is the stage where the unique person is buried and pure addict behaviour is what we see most.
All addicts are on some point of this continuum, the person they used to be and the addict they are becoming.
The war in our minds is between believing they are still the person before addiction even when their actions show us differently. We remember how smart and witty and gentle they were, so unlike what they have become and we cling to the memory.
We will go to great lengths to convince ourselves our situation is different. We will look for any scrap of evidence to prove they are not anything like the addicts we read about. We believe that unlike other people, the next thing we try will save them. Whether it is another chance, more love, more acceptance, money one last time...
As I said, I had to grapple with all the typical addict behaviour (manipulation, lies, unproductiveness, etc) on my own and kept on thinking it is my fault. It was a relief to discover SR and see that my son was not unique.
I think depending on how long you have walked the path for and what you have been through with the addict, you get more and more ready to accept that your situation is not unique.
I also do think if you can catch drug abuse early on you can maybe help to stop it from becoming a full-blown addict, e.g. with a teenager or someone using drugs as a temporary crutch. The longer the abuse continues, the bigger the chances of becoming an addict.
Sorry for the long post but it was helpful to me.
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I know of that saying and I see it as a form of denial. My son thought he wasn't like "those people" who were really addicted to drugs. That's the "unique" part. The "terminally" part means that this kind of thinking can kill you, has killed many addicts who don't figure out that the disease of addiction may be exactly what they have.
As a codie, I too thought I was unique. I fed into the denial that my son was unique too. When his first counselor explained addiction to me, my thoughts were "You don't KNOW my son, he's not like that, he wants to quit using drugs and he will." I thought 30 days in rehab would be "the cure" and that we would all go home after that and live happily every after. That wasn't the case because my son was not unique and he fell into the path of addiction. Addiction doesn't care who you are, where you live, how much money you have or don't have, or how many people love you. Addiction is addiction is addiction.
If this phrase confuses you, then let it go. Time will bring the answers you seek, it did for me. Often even today I think "so that is what they meant."
Denial is normal, it's common on both sides of addiction. But living in denial, setting up your life there can kill you. Terminal? Oh yes, indeed it can be.
Hugs
As a codie, I too thought I was unique. I fed into the denial that my son was unique too. When his first counselor explained addiction to me, my thoughts were "You don't KNOW my son, he's not like that, he wants to quit using drugs and he will." I thought 30 days in rehab would be "the cure" and that we would all go home after that and live happily every after. That wasn't the case because my son was not unique and he fell into the path of addiction. Addiction doesn't care who you are, where you live, how much money you have or don't have, or how many people love you. Addiction is addiction is addiction.
If this phrase confuses you, then let it go. Time will bring the answers you seek, it did for me. Often even today I think "so that is what they meant."
Denial is normal, it's common on both sides of addiction. But living in denial, setting up your life there can kill you. Terminal? Oh yes, indeed it can be.
Hugs
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Originally Posted by Sunshine2
I am not sure where it originates from, I heard it here for the first time and recognised its truth. Even now I sometimes catch myself thinking my situation is different, but for me it is healthier to see it is not.
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Outside of the , physical addcition, there is a social definition , the alcohol troubled person, one who's life, work, relationships, health, etc... are impacted in a negative way due to substance abuse. You do not have to be physically addicted in this definition. I'm not sure why sometimes we get tied up in the word addcition, we are all here because in some way we have been impacted in a negative way by substance and alcohol abuse.
My exabf often spoke about how horrible his life was, he is terminally unique, and continues to be. All of the horrible things that have happened to him are all due to the actions of others. His responsiblility is nil, he caused nothing, he is terminally unique, no one has the cross to bare that he does.
Addicts and alcoholics see themselves as victims.
It has nothing to do with his behavior, with him becoming a monster when using, he does that because he is hurt. Alcoholic justisfication.
My exabf often spoke about how horrible his life was, he is terminally unique, and continues to be. All of the horrible things that have happened to him are all due to the actions of others. His responsiblility is nil, he caused nothing, he is terminally unique, no one has the cross to bare that he does.
Addicts and alcoholics see themselves as victims.
It has nothing to do with his behavior, with him becoming a monster when using, he does that because he is hurt. Alcoholic justisfication.
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I was in such denial about my problems and his. My husband never lost his business, was still making a very respectable income, he "misspent" money (my ability to down play it), he was ONLY taking pills to feel normal, not out getting high (more denial), neither one of us ever went "outside" our marriage. His getting better was the solution to all our problems. (more denial).
At one time, I honestly believed - he was special, our marriage was special, and "we" could "fix" this after all it was just a "pill problem, thanks to his doctor." (blaming others). He had a "high bottom" (no, he didn't) I thought we were the exception to the rule (unique).
The truth is we weren't "special or unigue." Addiction is addiction and does not discriminate. I was my own worst enemy with my denial. I had to get healthy and fix me - and it had nothing to do with him. (hindsight).
I researched detoxes for him, I researched rehabs for him, I joined SR for him, I posted endlessly about him and his clean time, I wanted him to get help and change ---- all very codependent behaviors.
At one time, I honestly believed - he was special, our marriage was special, and "we" could "fix" this after all it was just a "pill problem, thanks to his doctor." (blaming others). He had a "high bottom" (no, he didn't) I thought we were the exception to the rule (unique).
The truth is we weren't "special or unigue." Addiction is addiction and does not discriminate. I was my own worst enemy with my denial. I had to get healthy and fix me - and it had nothing to do with him. (hindsight).
I researched detoxes for him, I researched rehabs for him, I joined SR for him, I posted endlessly about him and his clean time, I wanted him to get help and change ---- all very codependent behaviors.
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