LoveMeNow

When did it become all about me?

Yesterday was my best friend's birthday. In the past few years, I would always buy her a thoughtful card and gift but hardly spend any time with her. Our friendship had become all about me and I made time for her on my schedule based on my needs and wants.

Last night, I knew she was a having a dinner celebration party at a local restaurant. She had accepted the fact that I wouldn't come. In my own mind, I would make excuses...too many people drinking, I am tired, she has so many people there that love her, I don't need to be there. And let's not forget the real reason...I had become obsessed with my husband and his addiction and/or recovery. I needed to be around because I needed to have control.

I had become isolated and became one of those woman that at one time, I shook my head at. I had become the woman whose life was centered around "her man."

Last night, to her surprise, I showed up. I didn't go because he had plans, etc. I went because I love her dearly and wanted to celebrate her birthday with her. She was thrilled. I realized the card and gift meant very little, my presence was far more important. We had a great night and she had a wonderful birthday, filled with love of many friends.

I am thankful she never gave up on me and still values me as a friend with all my shortcomings. She told me this morning, the best gift she got - was seeing me there and becoming the "old, no wait, the newer and stronger" me.

I am so blessed to have her as my best friend!!

kmangel

Wonderful! Doesn't it feel so good to do the right thing--and you did the right thing. You nurtured a friendship with a very dear friend. You've come a long way!

Anaya

She sounds like a keeper to me!

So glad to hear you went and enjoyed the evening with your friend and others.

dollydo

"I had become isolated and became one of those woman that at one time, I shook my head at. I had become the woman whose life was centered around "her man."

Unfortunately that happens when we make another the center of our universe...especially when addiction is involved in the matrix.

Glad that you took the first step to reunite yourself with the world!

cece1960

Thank you for this post LMN. I had a similar realization recently when I paid a visit to my sis to see her first and new granddaughter.

I caught myself spending a great deal of time talking about MY granddaughter, my daughter's current pregnancy, my experiences with my pregnancies etc etc!

I think I may be spending too much time alone! I've now made a point to be more aware of my behavior.

As you said, I am becoming one of "those".

Glad you had a great time

LoveMeNow

I had been seeing friends here and there but on my schedule, which probably revolved around my husband' most of the time.

Also, I felt like a warden in my own home because even under a watchful eye, my son has stolen well over $8,000 worth of property. Wii, PS3, all the games, crystal, jewelry (even when it was locked up and let my guard down one or two times), iphone, ipods, etc etc etc. The first time he got caught (which I doubt was the first time) stealing was when he was 10, he stole $100 bill and this was long before drugs entered our family. He wanted Pokémon cards! We had him in therapy but...... nothing changed for the better.

He obviously waited until I was in the shower, bathroom, or fell asleep. He was slick and I was a big enabler. No body made more excuses for his behavior then I did.

LoveMeNow

I used to work with my husband in our home office, so not much interaction with the face to face outside world. I had no idea he was an addict. At times, I would say - those pills (prescribed so I didn't think much of it) are making you nasty, lay off them please and he would agree and I believed him.

Later, he moved his office out of the home. Things really spiraled down and I just thought it was all the stress of the new business and then our son.

Talk about denial, ignorance and insanity rolled into one!!

ETA: I still have a couple of friends and family members who defend his choices - saying it's not like he went out and bought drugs to get high. uhmmm hello?? They don't get it any more then I did.

Sueski

Wow, this sentence really hit home for me. I almost never go out if my husband isn't busy, either before he relapsed or since. I should maybe take a leaf from your book.

Good for you, and I'm so glad your friend responded the way she did!!

LoveMeNow

Isn't sad that we think we have such control over their drug use. Unbeknown to me, a mutual "friend" was dropping off his own prescription to my husband and putting it our mailbox...all for cash, mind you.

I saw him a while back and let him know I KNEW. He stammered, stuttered and denied it like the lying drug dealer he pretends not to be. He was scared I would call his wife. I didn't but I would have a few months ago! lol