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I am not going to......

Old 10-19-2012, 02:37 PM
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I am not going to......

I am not going to post my husband's clean time again for the following reasons:

1. It's his recovery not mine.
2. Do I really KNOW it to be true?
3. I think it is arrogant for ME to post it. If he wants people to know, he
can join and share it.
4. I want to share MY ESH, not his and....
5. Knowing his clean time, feeds into my hopeful fantasy thinking.


I am making this commitment for me! I enjoy reading the posts from Mother's who are filled with hope when their children are working a recovery program. I enjoy when a RA posts about their own recovery.

I just need to do this for ME. Taking any focus off him, is part of MY recovery.

If you asked me how many days I have been working my recovery, I couldn't answer you to the day. Very telling, IMO!!

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Old 10-20-2012, 10:05 AM
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Good for you
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Old 10-20-2012, 03:16 PM
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LoveMeNot,

sounds like a great plan to me. The longer I stuck with Alanon the more I recognized that the focus really does need to be on me and not whether a loved one is doing well or not.

Nice idea to focus on our own "clean time". I want to retain my emotional sobriety for sure!
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Old 10-20-2012, 03:21 PM
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Getting there!!
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Thank you Lightseeker, do you know how long you have been clean for? lol
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Old 10-20-2012, 06:42 PM
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yep....I actually do.....8 days. Going through some withdrawal right now too. Still wishing that I could find some way to use "my drug" but no matter how much I squirm it I know that it will never end well.

I can feel myself in the anhedonia....where I wonder if live will ever feel so alive again as when I was interacting with my ex. I've been through it enough times to know what it is and to power on through it though. And then...to remember next time I want to "use" (otherwise have ANY sort of interaction with him) and NOT DO IT. Last week I thought we could have a conversation to sort through a situation involving our respective sons being on the same church basketball team.

You know when I knew I was emotionally drunk - yet again? When he said "you don't care whether I live or die, do you?" And I said no. Even if I meant it I should never have said that. Is it true? No comment. Is it kind? Absolutely not. Was it necessary? Not really.

So....white chip #5million and 2....once again....
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