I am not going to......
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I am not going to......
I am not going to post my husband's clean time again for the following reasons:
1. It's his recovery not mine.
2. Do I really KNOW it to be true?
3. I think it is arrogant for ME to post it. If he wants people to know, he
can join and share it.
4. I want to share MY ESH, not his and....
5. Knowing his clean time, feeds into my hopeful fantasy thinking.
I am making this commitment for me! I enjoy reading the posts from Mother's who are filled with hope when their children are working a recovery program. I enjoy when a RA posts about their own recovery.
I just need to do this for ME. Taking any focus off him, is part of MY recovery.
If you asked me how many days I have been working my recovery, I couldn't answer you to the day. Very telling, IMO!!
1. It's his recovery not mine.
2. Do I really KNOW it to be true?
3. I think it is arrogant for ME to post it. If he wants people to know, he
can join and share it.
4. I want to share MY ESH, not his and....
5. Knowing his clean time, feeds into my hopeful fantasy thinking.
I am making this commitment for me! I enjoy reading the posts from Mother's who are filled with hope when their children are working a recovery program. I enjoy when a RA posts about their own recovery.
I just need to do this for ME. Taking any focus off him, is part of MY recovery.
If you asked me how many days I have been working my recovery, I couldn't answer you to the day. Very telling, IMO!!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
LoveMeNot,
sounds like a great plan to me. The longer I stuck with Alanon the more I recognized that the focus really does need to be on me and not whether a loved one is doing well or not.
Nice idea to focus on our own "clean time". I want to retain my emotional sobriety for sure!
sounds like a great plan to me. The longer I stuck with Alanon the more I recognized that the focus really does need to be on me and not whether a loved one is doing well or not.
Nice idea to focus on our own "clean time". I want to retain my emotional sobriety for sure!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
yep....I actually do.....8 days. Going through some withdrawal right now too. Still wishing that I could find some way to use "my drug" but no matter how much I squirm it I know that it will never end well.
I can feel myself in the anhedonia....where I wonder if live will ever feel so alive again as when I was interacting with my ex. I've been through it enough times to know what it is and to power on through it though. And then...to remember next time I want to "use" (otherwise have ANY sort of interaction with him) and NOT DO IT. Last week I thought we could have a conversation to sort through a situation involving our respective sons being on the same church basketball team.
You know when I knew I was emotionally drunk - yet again? When he said "you don't care whether I live or die, do you?" And I said no. Even if I meant it I should never have said that. Is it true? No comment. Is it kind? Absolutely not. Was it necessary? Not really.
So....white chip #5million and 2....once again....
I can feel myself in the anhedonia....where I wonder if live will ever feel so alive again as when I was interacting with my ex. I've been through it enough times to know what it is and to power on through it though. And then...to remember next time I want to "use" (otherwise have ANY sort of interaction with him) and NOT DO IT. Last week I thought we could have a conversation to sort through a situation involving our respective sons being on the same church basketball team.
You know when I knew I was emotionally drunk - yet again? When he said "you don't care whether I live or die, do you?" And I said no. Even if I meant it I should never have said that. Is it true? No comment. Is it kind? Absolutely not. Was it necessary? Not really.
So....white chip #5million and 2....once again....
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