I am not going to......
 

I am not going to post my husband's clean time again for the following reasons:

1. It's his recovery not mine.
2. Do I really KNOW it to be true?
3. I think it is arrogant for ME to post it. If he wants people to know, he
can join and share it.
4. I want to share MY ESH, not his and....
5. Knowing his clean time, feeds into my hopeful fantasy thinking.


I am making this commitment for me! I enjoy reading the posts from Mother's who are filled with hope when their children are working a recovery program. I enjoy when a RA posts about their own recovery.

I just need to do this for ME. Taking any focus off him, is part of MY recovery.

If you asked me how many days I have been working my recovery, I couldn't answer you to the day. Very telling, IMO!!

:thanks

Good for you

LoveMeNot,

sounds like a great plan to me. The longer I stuck with Alanon the more I recognized that the focus really does need to be on me and not whether a loved one is doing well or not.

Nice idea to focus on our own "clean time". I want to retain my emotional sobriety for sure!

Thank you Lightseeker, do you know how long you have been clean for? lol

yep....I actually do.....8 days. Going through some withdrawal right now too. Still wishing that I could find some way to use "my drug" but no matter how much I squirm it I know that it will never end well.

I can feel myself in the anhedonia....where I wonder if live will ever feel so alive again as when I was interacting with my ex. I've been through it enough times to know what it is and to power on through it though. And then...to remember next time I want to "use" (otherwise have ANY sort of interaction with him) and NOT DO IT. Last week I thought we could have a conversation to sort through a situation involving our respective sons being on the same church basketball team.

You know when I knew I was emotionally drunk - yet again? When he said "you don't care whether I live or die, do you?" And I said no. Even if I meant it I should never have said that. Is it true? No comment. Is it kind? Absolutely not. Was it necessary? Not really.

So....white chip #5million and 2....once again....