Softball27

I don't think I have mentioned the fact that my daughter has her barber/cosmetology license. Anyway, after wrecking her car on her way home from work on Sept. 22, 2012, she recently was offered a job at a salon near here. She has been very excited about this. And me...always thinking that yes, she is doing better now, doing what she is supposed to do or at least trying to. So, we went up shopping, and I bought her some new clothes so that she would look nice and professional at the salon. She started at the salon on Tuesday Oct. 16th, that day after work she went up because I gave her a credit card to get some salon supplies that she needed, she spent $400.00 on supplies. Then I get a call from my father in law because the lady that owns the salon called him this morning and said that she was looking for my daughter because she never showed up for work and her clients were piling up. I called the salon owner and told her that I would go and find my daughter to see what was going on and the salon owner said when you talk to her tell her to come and get her things. So, my husband and I went to where our daughter has been living to give her the message and also to take the old beater car ( that I gave her to drive when she wrecked hers) and her phone back. Of course it turned into a big argument and I told her she would be on time for work if she wasn't on drugs, and she said I'm not, and I was going to move back home until now. The lady that she is living with told her I have a drug test right now you can take to prove it. Then my daughter said ok but, when she brought the drug test out my daughter said I can't, my husband said why not, you said you are clean and she said I only quit 4 or 5 days ago. Anyway we left, offering her to come with if she would stay with us and do as we say and stay away from drugs and people who use them, she refused and said that was her plan but, now she is mad at everything that just happened. So now, I have no way to get in touch with her, no way to know if she is ok or not. I really thought this job at the salon was the turning point, that she would get her life back on track. Now, I wonder if I would not have taken the phone and the car she could go talk to the salon owner and get her job back. When is this roller coaster ever going to end.

funkzter

Hi there,
I feel your pain n wish i could answer you. The truth is noone ever knows when the roller coaster ends, if it ends. Im sure some others will come with wise words and shared experience. Hopefully your daughter will find it in her to fight back her demons soon. Take care xx

kyles

Please try not to feel guilty about taking the phone and the car back. Personally, I don't think that would make a difference now. She had the chance to have the job and she blew it. You gave her the car to use, a phone, bought her clothes, and let her use your credit card to buy supplies for work. She had all that help and still chose to do drugs or whatever it is she chose to do instead of going to work. She is very lucky to have such caring parents that are willing to help. Do you know if she even spent the $400.00 on supplies and not something else? I definitely would not give her your credit card again. My boyfriend (heroin/pill addict) would always tell his parents he needed money for bills or gas because he couldn't work enough hours a week to cover everything because he was in school. They always gave him money thinking he needed it, but he really just spent it on drugs every single time.

It sounds like she is using drugs. I wouldn't believe the excuse that she can't take the test because she only quit 4-5 days ago.

I hope things get better for all of you.

SundaysChild

You did the right thing taking the car. If she drives while using she could kill someone.

If she wanted the job, she would have showed up the first time. Taking the car and phone is not preventing her from working.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I'll keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

JMFburns

Softball,

So sorry for what you are going through with your daughter.

Job, no job, car, no car, phone, no phone, it doesn't matter if your daughter isn't ready to quit using. Let her take care of herself.

I'd be shocked if the salon owner would let her have the job - I mean come on, would you hire someone who didn't show up for their 1st day of work with out calling and then had Mom & Dad checking up on her?!?! I wouldn't.

dollydo

Honestly,unless you stop trying to fix everything for her nothing is going to change. Your
enabling is actually hurting her, not helping her.

Have you been to any meetings yet? Read Codependent No More? Therapy? Anything to
help you to better deal with your codependancy?

She will never fall to her knees and seek recovery until you back off and allow her the dignity
to become an adult and take care of herself, as an adult, her recovery is up to her.

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this, but it is what it is, this rollercoaster ride
won't end for you until you refuse to hop back on it.

pommie

So sorry you are dealing with this. It's so hard to get our hopes up and then have them dashed again. But don't feel guilty you were trying to help her become productive instead of destructive and if it failed its on her.