allforcnm

Just curious LMN where did son end up if he was kicked out of home, and the rehab? Did DCF put him in foster care? Im confused where he ended up to be doing well now.

Anaya

I'm glad things are working out. I truly do understand survival mode. When it comes down to one's safety being threatened, money being stolen, etc., tough decisions have to be made.

I was on my husband earlier this evening about his negativity towards our 21-year-old son and in the midst of the back and forth and all about what has gone on over the years, hubbie reminded me how some years back, then teen AS had held a knife to hubbie's throat. That brought back some ugly memories. I really wish we wouldn't have gone there.

Sorry! I don't want to hijack.

Anyway, this thread brings up a lot of emotions, and I do understand the difficulty of having a minor teen spiraling out of control and parents being conflicted as to what to do next.

Vale

When my son was in college,he did some of the usual stupid crap.
But it never took hold of his soul.

We had alot of talks.Talks about loss of innocence and growing up.

How when some poor Mexican drug mule is told to kneel at the foot of his/her
own grave (that he/she was forced to dig at gunpoint).....and how,at the last
moment of his/her earthly existence-----if you could look into his/her eyes
and explain WHY this needed to happen to him/her.

Then go tell the same things to his (or her) parents,siblings,etc.

(and that by buying that coke---you were FINANCING the deed.)

....and no,you don't get to play the 'copout' game."I'm just a kid!"
"I didn't pull the trigger,so I am NOT responsible".

You just didn't have the guts to point the weapon between the eyes
of a trembling and terrified human being YOURSELF-----so you impotently
hired someone else to do it when you created demand for the product.

(coward).

In later years he told me that was an image he found difficult to
shake----ugly albeit useful.

Some would call that playing dirty.But being a parent is not a game,
and anyone who blathers on about 'fighting fair' has never been in a real
fight......for anything that mattered.

I'm sure Kaim understands.So does anyone else who has been involved
in this knife-fight-in-a-phone-booth.......that we call 'addiction'.

Kaim

This pretty much sums up where we are at, my SO and I briefly talked last night and realized there wasn't much to talk about. The bottom line stands at he completes treatment or he's out to the dad's (which really means his friends since no rules). I've always been a firm believer in the mentality that "actions speak louder then words" so while he says all the right things about getting clean, his actions are clearly not demonstrating this resolve. The scary part of this is both of us see the storm that is coming if he lives with the dad, he will fall back into pills and into harder drugs but if he doesn't want to develop the skill and backbone to keep clean, we can't live his life and shield him from his actions for the rest of his life (he is very much a follower, the type of kid that would jump off a bridge if all his friends were doing it).

On a more personal note, I always feel bad about posting here when right now all he is doing right now is smoking weed (and you guys are dealing with heroin, meth, etc.). The problem with it is he is staring down the barrel of a gun that he doesn't realize is fully loaded, we pulled him back from the edge once when he feel deep into pills but he traded pills for more weed and started drinking. Normally I would classify it as normal teenage behavior as really what teen hasn't smoked a bit of weed or drank during high school? The problem with it is he is showing the signs of addiction, and an addictive personality and it's no secret that he really, really likes to be in an altered state on whatever (cough syrup, pills, booze, weed we know of for sure). He is also screwing up his commitments to us, and the conditions we set. He seems to realize when we call out his BS that he screwed up, but then turns right around and does the same crap again (addict anyone?).

So in a sense, his honeyed words are no longer serving him and while he might not be 18, both the mom and I realize that we need to step out of the way and let his actions hit him like a train. He doesn't want to live with the dad because it's a sh*thole, but he doesn't want to respect our rules and conditions. Luckily, treatment didn't kick him out but gave him a very stern warning and next time, he's gone - of course he minimized it by saying "they were just playing","charges won't be filed","none of the girls ever complained", "everyone there smoked weed". Called him out on his bullsh*t and he immediately shut down, got angry, and acted like a spoiled brat.

The joys that come on a daily basis sometimes...

ISOHumility

Kaim,

I so relate to your post above. My son, too, is "just" into weed and drinking right now, although he's gotten into pills on occasion (and I believe, but cannot prove, he has huffed once or twice). I, too, feel like, this ain't meth, heroin, or crack. But like you, I can see the freight train a-comin. He recently relapsed. My anger and disappointment was not because of the relapse. It was the lying, which doesn't bode well for the future.

I, too, told him that next time, he's out of our home. I am prepared to back my words with action.

Ilovemysonjj

Guys, pills, weed, cough syrup are the entry points. I have learned that my son too when he was 16 did all that plus "E" and drinking. All drugs lead to addiction, it was just a matter of time til benzos and oxys and then the big prize- Heroin. My son was 20 before going to heroin, but he as doing everything else (under our unknowing and deniable noses).
Please don't minimize your concerns. they are valid as your children are still vulnerable and at their age it is just the beginning of the struggle.

GardenMama

Exactly! Oh, how I wish I had known about SR when my daughter was 16, and minimizing pot, alcohol, etc. I applaud all of you who are here before the worst happens.

(And Allforcnm, regarding the drive with stepson, I was thinking more along the lines of what Vale later posted, showing the boy where people struggle, live in poverty, in fear of violence, etc. Not abandoning him in the ghetto.)

outtolunch

This is some of the best of the best from this forum.